The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #125
Submit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon. Click here for details. Click here to see last week's results.
This week's awesome prize. Spend an extra minute polishing and/or scuffing your submissions this week, folks, 'cause the winner of this contest will receive a copy of The Rejection Collection Volume 2, a hilarious book of New Yorker cartoons that didn't make the cut, signed by ten or twelve New Yorker cartoonists, including editor Matt Diffee.
Winner
"Kenneth was always bringing his work back home with him. Unfortunately his work consisted of fellating four bald businessmen on the subway." —Mo Buck
Finalists
"I thought that fortune cookie had a typo: 'Beware of financial analists.' But once you added the 'in bed' at the end, it not only made sense; it became surprisingly prophetic." —mypalmike
"A sevensome! A sevensome! Is that all you can think about?" — Joshua
Honorable mention
"Now I know what a 'Nielsen box' must feel like." —gary
"I second the motion to turn out the lights, put on some Al Green, and get freaky. All those in favor?"—Francis
"Wow, this show's almost as bad as the time I gave all your friends syphilis. Remember that? You should, it was ten minutes ago." —David John
"We're going to need a bigger Tivo."—steven
"OK. Now we have officially run out of presidential debate formats!" —Tim H
"It's amazing to think that there are worlds out there where people's souls are inside their bodies, and not a pair of banker daemons." —jkga
"Bob and Carol, Pierce, Fenner & Smith." —shadysidelantern
"See? Back in the 50's, Lucy, Ricky and their attorneys all slept in separate beds" — JohnnyB
"I can't stand this Hannity guy! I'd go get a book or something, but crawling over the corpses of our previous victims would be tedious at best." —Trout Almondine
"Who the hell is the guy in the bow tie?" —simsburybear
"Who invited the chick?" —Mr. Know It All
"Actually, I had something else in mind when I suggested sexual congress." —therblig
"Jesus, Herbert! You accounts receivable dawgz can bring it!" —TG Gibbon
"We're Antioch grads now, do we still need lawyers for sex?" —C@L Mike
"If you strike my caption down, it shall become stronger than you can possibly imagine, in The Rejection Collection, Volume 3." —RichM
Comments
Who the hell is the guy in the bow tie?
Posted by: simsburybear | December 3, 2007 9:33 AM
Geez, why do we pay all this money for premium service when we never even use it?
Posted by: simsburybear | December 3, 2007 9:34 AM
"This meeting of The Justice League of TiVo-addicted Agoraphobics will now come to order. Captain Astigmatism, will you lead us in our opening prayer?"
Posted by: WRK | December 3, 2007 9:42 AM
“That was excellent. Now let’s all take turns using the remote.”
Posted by: dwilk | December 3, 2007 9:45 AM
Phheewww... dutch oven, anyone?
Posted by: LK | December 3, 2007 9:45 AM
“Husbands, I’m taking another husband.”
“Honey, I think it’s time you let go of your Alpha Chi Rho buddies.”
“This cable box isn’t working. Let’s try the other one.”
Posted by: Deborah | December 3, 2007 9:46 AM
OK, so these "Cavemen" are supposed to be primitive hominids -- Homo erectus or something -- and yet they're speaking perfect English, wearing sweaters and loafers, and to all appearances, behaving like 21st-century American citizens. Am I missing something? Can you explain this to me? Come on, I didn't hire four tenured professors from the Princeton anthropology department for nothing!
Posted by: kejo | December 3, 2007 9:48 AM
"Now I know what a 'Nielsen box' must feel like."
Posted by: gary | December 3, 2007 9:59 AM
"...and I'm Andy Rooney. This is... 60 Minutes."
"Turn it up."
"I'm sorry, hunny. I swear I'll make it up to you. But the Redskins lost again, and, well, a man is only as good as his word."
Posted by: TMo | December 3, 2007 10:04 AM
"OK, I'll go along with the co-sleeping, but there will be no midnight feedings."
"Bob, where's your tie?"
"Wow, looks like we've stumbled into a high-concept comedy - again!"
Posted by: gary | December 3, 2007 10:13 AM
"Bob and Carol, Pierce, Fenner & Smith."
Posted by: shadysidelantern | December 3, 2007 10:13 AM
"Suck it, Dona Flor!"
Posted by: gary | December 3, 2007 10:13 AM
"Phew, that was exhausting, y'all! Now for some telly."
Posted by: Chris | December 3, 2007 10:20 AM
No, Jim, I am not going to screw a bunch of NFL lawyers just so you can get prior, written consent to record the game and rebroadcast the acounts, pictures and descriptions of it.
Posted by: JohnnyB | December 3, 2007 10:34 AM
"Hey, Ruth, where the hell are Antonin, Clarence and Sam?"
Posted by: Tim H | December 3, 2007 10:36 AM
See? Back in the 50's, Lucy, Ricky and their attorneys all slept in separate beds.
Posted by: JohnnyB | December 3, 2007 10:36 AM
"Tom, don't be like that, we have company."
"Thank you all for the support... It gets a little lonely having a claw for a hand."
Posted by: TMo | December 3, 2007 10:38 AM
Good night, John Boy.
Good Night, Jim Bob.
Good night, Dad.
Good night Grandpa.
Good night, Reverend Fordwick.
Posted by: JohnnyB | December 3, 2007 10:39 AM
"Keep those hands where I can't see them, and spread those fingers so I can count every one."
Posted by: dwilk | December 3, 2007 10:49 AM
Okay, now I see what's wrong ... that's a table, not a TV.
Posted by: Mark | December 3, 2007 10:55 AM
"I suddenly feel better about our buying this enormous bed!"
"Can you please turn the volume down? I'm trying to read. And who the fuck are all these people?"
Posted by: Harry | December 3, 2007 10:57 AM
"On the advice of my attorneys, I think we should watch a rerun of 'L.A. Law.'"
Posted by: Francis | December 3, 2007 11:03 AM
"You know, whenever I see a sex scene in a movie where people leave some of their clothes on so the filmmakers can avoid showing any nudity and thus retain a PG rating, I'm always annoyed at how unrealistic it is. But it turns out that sometimes, that's just what happens!"
Posted by: Francis | December 3, 2007 11:05 AM
"Now do you love Raymond? Do you truly? This is a very important step in our relationship guys."
Posted by: WRK | December 3, 2007 11:30 AM
"I don't mind having a fuck. But can we skip the panel discussion afterwards?"
Posted by: GilbertBob | December 3, 2007 11:32 AM
"Harvey, the other partners in your firm still seem a little uptight about the gangbang idea."
Posted by: GilbertBob | December 3, 2007 11:38 AM
"I enjoy the McLaughlin Group best when everyone keeps their pants on."
Posted by: GilbertBob | December 3, 2007 11:42 AM
Francis: if there's a sex scene in a movie, shouldn't it garner at least an "R" rating, and not a "PG"? And also, how can there be any nudity if their clothes are still on? And furthermore, shouldn't the participants be at a 180-degree angle, and not a ninety-degree angle? Etc., etc.
Posted by: kejo | December 3, 2007 11:42 AM
"I'm sorry: Herb, Harvey, I'm going to re-check the wiring again."
Posted by: J | December 3, 2007 11:46 AM
"Dr. Wendy Farmer, ace urologist, tries to comfort tomorrow's DRE patients."
Posted by: WRK | December 3, 2007 12:00 PM
"This is so weird - I feel like saying something about Homeland Security or the Nielsens, but I can't think of anything."
Posted by: stcoleridge | December 3, 2007 12:04 PM
"No dear, this is 4-D TV; it comes with alternate realities."
Posted by: stcoleridge | December 3, 2007 12:15 PM
"Before we turn on the Wii, let's make sure everyone knows the safe word."
Posted by: Kevin Guilfoile | December 3, 2007 12:24 PM
"No, I said let's have sex some night this week, not a sixsome."
Posted by: stcoleridge | December 3, 2007 12:29 PM
Oh, goody! Roseanne's on.
Posted by: Jason Olshefsky | December 3, 2007 12:47 PM
"Phew! Well, I don't know about you all, but I'm exhausted. You guys were all over me like kejo on Francis."
Posted by: Vance | December 3, 2007 12:55 PM
"Honey, I didn't think you were being so literal when you asked if I'd like to come to bed and play with your bald friends."
Posted by: David | December 3, 2007 1:05 PM
"Our sex lives should improve now that we each have assistant coaches."
Posted by: David | December 3, 2007 1:07 PM
"Do you think people will believe I'm a women if I put on a wig and cover my erection with this book?"
Posted by: David | December 3, 2007 1:09 PM
"Hilariously absurd, brazenly appalling comment tinged by sexual innuendo and characterized by razor sharp irony...TK."
Posted by: al in la | December 3, 2007 1:37 PM
"Veni vidi scaramouch scaramouch will you do the fandango o-leevio!"
Posted by: Chris | December 3, 2007 1:44 PM
"Ooh, look, the Home Shopping Network is selling beds! We should buy some."
Posted by: Francis | December 3, 2007 1:49 PM
"I second the motion to turn out the lights, put on some Al Green, and get freaky. All those in favor?"
Posted by: Francis | December 3, 2007 2:08 PM
"We're going to need a bigger Tivo."
Posted by: steven | December 3, 2007 2:15 PM
"You're the only man I want to be with, Herb. All of these other guys, they're my 'Rejection Collection!'"
Posted by: gary | December 3, 2007 2:27 PM
You put the timer on, right?
Why not "Four-and-a-half Men"? You don't have to be the "half."
A train show! What a coincidence.
Posted by: Amy | December 3, 2007 2:38 PM
"If you strike my caption down, it shall become stronger than you can possibly imagine, in The Rejection Collection, Volume 3."
Posted by: RichM | December 3, 2007 2:38 PM
"Aren't you glad you have a rumble seat in those pajamas?"
Posted by: jim M | December 3, 2007 2:50 PM
"OK, are everybody's eyes wide shut?"
Posted by: jim M | December 3, 2007 2:50 PM
"Now I know how Smurfette must have felt! This TV show all about the Smurfs is really quite informative."
Posted by: Rubrick | December 3, 2007 2:56 PM
"Four FBI agents - so Homeland Security has come to this."
Posted by: jim M | December 3, 2007 2:56 PM
"Honey, don't look now, but I think there are four men in suits in our bed with us!!!"
"I guess I can understand on an abstract, intellectual level why men find so-called 'lesbian' porn arousing, but personally I find it hard not to laugh. I mean, what's up with that 'flicky tongues' thing? Does anyone actually do that?"
Posted by: Rubrick | December 3, 2007 3:05 PM
"Oh, after all that begging to have a threesome with my sister, you're griping now? Besides, this is twice as good...arithmetically speaking at least."
"Now, you see when you worry that you're in bed with all these horrible corporations and whatnot: it's really just a self-fulfilling prophecy."
"Okay, now that I finally finished their gigantic brochure published in book format, I wonder if these nice salespeople can leave now."
Posted by: Zarathustra | December 3, 2007 3:15 PM
Thank goodness we bought the Parliament-size bed.
Actually, I had something else in mind when I suggested sexual congress.
I want an orgy, too, but Meerkat Manor is on.
Posted by: therblig | December 3, 2007 3:22 PM
"Darn. This new Blu-ray player isn't compatible with our early '70s pong cabinet."
Posted by: David John | December 3, 2007 3:43 PM
"Hey, you know what's weird about this? We all wear glasses! You know what else? No black people. What're the odds?"
Posted by: Vance | December 3, 2007 4:21 PM
"We're Antioch grads now, do we still need lawyers for sex?"
"I'm not sure I can still do what we're watching here, but my people will be in touch with your people."
"I wouldn't talk Bill, you may be the strangest bedfellow here."
Posted by: C@L Mike | December 3, 2007 4:23 PM
"I didn't mean for this to be so awkward. It's just I usually never sleep with 5 people on our first date."
Posted by: Ed C | December 3, 2007 4:33 PM
"No, it says, 'consult a doctor immediately if you have an erection lasting more than four hours', not, 'consult four doctors if you have an erection immediately', you dyslexic twit."
"...That's one doctor per inch in your case, I might add."
Posted by: JohnnyB | December 3, 2007 4:53 PM
Well, this is one Dorothy who's NEVER heard that expression. But, I suppose we could still be friends.
Posted by: therblig | December 3, 2007 4:54 PM
"Wow, this show's almost as bad as the time I gave all your friends syphilis. Remember that? You should, it was ten minutes ago."
Posted by: David John | December 3, 2007 5:10 PM
"OK. Now we have officially run out of presidential debate formats!"
Posted by: Tim H | December 3, 2007 5:23 PM
You have the remote, I have the program listings, the two end men have control of the lights, and the in-between guys have a death grip on everyone else's privates. No one's happy, but at least we've achieved a stable balance of power.
Posted by: Walt | December 3, 2007 5:33 PM
"Don't worry fella. I'll be fucking all of you again this week...but first I need to review what you entered into me last week."
Posted by: al in la | December 3, 2007 5:42 PM
"Choir practice, my ass!"
Posted by: Greg | December 3, 2007 6:45 PM
"This is seriously creeping me out."
Posted by: Rubrick | December 3, 2007 7:05 PM
"Honey these are the four finalist in the You Can Fuck My Wife Contest"!
Posted by: TONY | December 3, 2007 8:30 PM
"Fellas, our sign clearly says 'Bed and Breakfast', not 'Beds and Breakfasts.' Tell me how you're gonna want your egg in the morning and then shut up and get some sleep."
Posted by: JohnnyB | December 3, 2007 8:34 PM
"Man, I wish the writer's strike wasn't on. The Colbert Report would help temper this awkward post gang-bang period."
Posted by: Dan McCoy | December 3, 2007 9:08 PM
"You needn't be vexed, dear, it's simply that I'd so much anticipation of seeing you wear your clip-on too."
Posted by: RichM | December 3, 2007 9:55 PM
"I think our bed is starting to develop a dip in the middle."
Posted by: Francis | December 3, 2007 11:30 PM
"Not tonight -- I'm painting the curtains red, if you know what I mean."
Posted by: Joshua | December 4, 2007 3:22 AM
"Oh honey, you've thought of everything -- you, me, Leno, a set-top home dialysis machine, and four 24-hour on-site nephrologists."
Posted by: Joshua | December 4, 2007 3:31 AM
"Fucking subprime mortgage."
Posted by: mypalmike | December 4, 2007 4:04 AM
Now the deal is if you guess the one who is going to rape you, you get to go free. If you don't guess right, we all get a turn on. Go!
Posted by: Melissa | December 4, 2007 4:52 AM
"It's not the fact that you lose at poker every week that bothers me. But does every one of your buddies have to make that 'poke 'er, I hardly know 'er joke, too'?"
Posted by: GilbertBob | December 4, 2007 6:05 AM
"Jesus, Herbert! You accounts receivable dawgz can bring it!"
"I'm not saying I don't like John Howard, EO Wilson, Oliver Sachs, and the ghost of Arthur Treacher. I'm just saying I miss Keenan Wynn, Norman Mailer, Barry Goldwater, and Burt Bacharach."
[whispering] "Tonight, after the Bilderburg Group falls asleep, we should sneak into the kitchen and subvert the dominant paradigm."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | December 4, 2007 6:53 AM
"Check my geometry here, Mervyn: if we scoot 180 degrees-ward, then each roll 90 degrees in opposite directions, then hit the floor and make a 45 degree diagonal toward the door, I think we can escape."
Posted by: Chris | December 4, 2007 8:18 AM
"On the advice of counsel, I have decided to relinquish the remote, with the caveat that I may demand its return after 'Everybody Loves Raymond' episode."
"Coming up: You'll never believe the latest craze sweeping the Salt Lake City area--gangbangs!"
"I just wanted to make this Hannukah extra special for you, Sweetheart, but for the fifth night, I'm, adding another vajayay into the mix."
"I can't stand this Hannity guy! I'd go get a book or something, but crawling over the corpses of our previous victims would be tedious at best."
Posted by: Trout Almondine | December 4, 2007 9:02 AM
"I knew there was going to be a catch: she's a lobster-girl!"
"Joe, stop staring at her tits. We're casual observers, not peeping toms."
"I warned you: always read the End User License Agreement. But no, you just clicked the "Accept" button because you thought the ability to fast-forward commercials couldn't possibly come with a downside."
[tv] "Congratulations on the purchase of you Conjoined Sextuplets Sleep Number Bed..."
Posted by: MAtt | December 4, 2007 11:04 AM
It should be "When banks compete, you're a fucking whore."
Posted by: BA | December 4, 2007 11:05 AM
As much as we watch “The News Hour With Jim Lehrer,” I sure didn’t expect The Chubb Group to *personally* bring it to me tonight. But this is bound to be my most enjoyable PBS pledge drive ever, since these Chubb-a-wumbas plan to re-up big time. So how about it, Hal? The "challenge grant" currently on the board: donate your "eight" (measured generously) and this here Chubb Group will match it four-to-one. It's going to be the best premium ever -- getting my "tote bag" "custom embroidered" from the inside.
Posted by: Optimus Sub-Prime | December 4, 2007 11:07 AM
The awkward silence was eventually broken by the voice of Billy Mays selling OxiClean, but things remained awkward.
Posted by: reid savid | December 4, 2007 11:44 AM
"The maid has been asking about the six grease stains on the headboard."
Posted by: jim M | December 4, 2007 11:51 AM
"Who invited the chick?"
Posted by: Mr. Know It All | December 4, 2007 12:25 PM
"Honey, I specifically said four black guys, not four black ties. You never listen to me!"
Posted by: Mr. Know It All | December 4, 2007 12:27 PM
"You know what I just noticed? We all have glasses on. Isn't that ironic? Or is that not what ironic means?"
Posted by: Mr. Know It All | December 4, 2007 12:28 PM
"How's this? A lawyer, a lawyer, a lawyer, and a lawyer were in bed with a husband and wife. Do you know this one? The punchline is 'they got a divorce.'"
Posted by: Melanie | December 4, 2007 12:39 PM
"Despite all your best efforts, gentleman, I remain unsatisfied with the 'in and out, in and out' that happened tonight. I mean that sexually, of course, but there's also the matter of how you imbeciles joined two cable boxes to each other in a loop such that the television is in no way connected."
Posted by: Contrived Double Entendre Guy | December 4, 2007 1:28 PM
"You see her poorly drawn hand makes it look like she has abnormally long fingers which would certainly make ... oh, forget it! kejo, Francis; Francis, kejo; 180 degrees; 90 degrees ... there I ought to make the top 4 at least. Do you know you can make a degree symbol (°) by holding down ALT and typing 0176? But be sure and have NumLock on!
Posted by: WRK | December 4, 2007 2:16 PM
"Publications in Econometrica, Economics Letters, and the Journal of Mathematical Economics just aren't enough these days. Tenure's a bitch."
Posted by: A Silly Mus Musculus | December 4, 2007 3:42 PM
"The dry cleaners have learned not to ask."
Posted by: A Silly Mus Musculus | December 4, 2007 4:37 PM
Kenneth was always bringing his work back home with him. Unfortunately his work consisted of fellating four bald businessmen on the subway.
Sally's hook hand was ruining her chances at her ultimate goal: being unraped.
The words: "What wouldn't I do for a Klondike bar?" were coming back to haunt Nancy.
Indecent Proposal 4: 4 times the old dudes, 4 times the indecentness, 4 times the proposalishessness
Bernard's idea of hotel pooling was bringing in huge divot ends.
Posted by: Mo Buck | December 4, 2007 4:49 PM
"Wow, honey, four grand! If I had known there were people out there willing to pay a thousand bucks a pop just to watch a genuine snuff film, I would have quit teaching years ago."
Posted by: David John | December 4, 2007 7:15 PM
We need a big-screen TV Harold. And while you're at it, could you grab a foot-pump for the inflatables? My lips are killing me.
Posted by: Shawn | December 4, 2007 8:36 PM
"I wish Big Brother would repair our telescreen, so the Thought Police could go home!"
Posted by: Richard | December 4, 2007 11:00 PM
"Here! This is the part I wanted you to see. This guy says he'll beat anyone's price or your mattress is free. But doesn't that mean that as soon as you show this guy a competing price, all he has to do is meet that price minus one cent, and then he NEVER has to give you a free mattress. Rather than give away a mattress, he'll always lower his price to one cent less than whatever someone else is offering. So his suggestion of a free mattress is misleading, right? So can I sue him?"
Posted by: Richard | December 4, 2007 11:06 PM
"Don't you think it's time you stopped 'talking to Chuck?'"
Posted by: jbushnell | December 5, 2007 12:32 AM
"How do you lower the brightness on this thing?"
"Honey, I brought in these experts to help demo how to hook up the system. So I'll be the cable box with multiple inputs- now let me explain..."
Posted by: LV | December 5, 2007 11:35 AM
Whatever happened to that kid from Family Matters? You know, the one that just disappeared midseries.
Posted by: Melissa | December 5, 2007 12:54 PM
"I'm sorry; I thought Fridays were casual days."
Posted by: JP | December 5, 2007 1:05 PM
Always remember to retain the services of a reputable legal firm before watching the home-made porn you made with the underage babysitter.
Posted by: JP | December 5, 2007 1:09 PM
"Wow, it must be 100 176 all up in here!"
Posted by: Chris | December 5, 2007 2:38 PM
Dadgummit, that is to say, "Wow, it must be 100 NUM ALT 176 all up in here!"
Posted by: Chris | December 5, 2007 2:40 PM
I always thought that when you talked about "screwing the Big Four," you were referring metaphorically to depriving the major broadcast networks of ad viewership, and therefore revenue, by judicious use of our cable and TiVo. As it turns out, you're a literalist after all.
Posted by: The Confidence Man | December 5, 2007 3:37 PM
"Geez, guys, those are some funny-looking PJs you're wearing... Wait, BUSINESS SUITS?"
"Well, honey, I'd hand you the remote, but I don't have arms."
"Hey, Smith, are you wearing a wig?"
Posted by: Aaron | December 5, 2007 4:30 PM
Every one of the kids' toys that was made in China came with an inflatable lawyer.
Posted by: klh | December 5, 2007 5:53 PM
"Christians predate polygamists."
Posted by: Deborah | December 5, 2007 6:23 PM
"I'm just not into the bar scene."
Posted by: dwilk | December 5, 2007 8:20 PM
"So, gentlemen, your quarterly earnings results will determine who's piggy goes to market."
Posted by: dwilk | December 5, 2007 8:45 PM
"Tonight's top story: Government research shows women with glasses sleep with more men than those without. Still no cure for cancer."
Posted by: Brian L | December 5, 2007 8:56 PM
"I have neither the time nor the legal training to determine which of you is my husband, so have at it, fellas!"
"Look, I'm fine with being your beard so you can continue your work in the Senate. But for Christ's sake, honey, show me just a little bit of common goddamn courtesy."
Posted by: Tim C. | December 6, 2007 12:00 AM
"I'm glad we bought this bed at Sofa King. It's Sofa King comfortable, even with the six of us."
(It seems the original SNL skit has been removed from youtube.)
Posted by: mypalmike | December 6, 2007 2:31 AM
Should have read:
"So, gentlemen, your quarterly earnings results will determine whose little piggy goes to market."
Posted by: dwilk | December 6, 2007 7:11 AM
The lessons* Mary learned from the angel in the Catholic coloring book "Being Friends, Being Safe, Being Catholic" were to cause unforeseen future compulsive behaviors.
*For safety's sake, a child and an adult SHOULDN'T be alone in a closed room together. If a child and an adult happen to be alone, someone should KNOW where they are and the door should be OPEN or have a big window in it. Remember, it's ALWAYS SAFER with a group of people you know, but if you are alone with a adult, make sure OTHERS KNOW where to find you.
P.S. to D. Radosh: Consider posting the angel cartoon from the New York Archdiocese coloring book as a bonus caption or anti-caption contest.
Posted by: LV | December 6, 2007 8:41 AM
"Okay, who farted?"
"The accountants here are obscene."
Posted by: Eric | December 6, 2007 9:30 AM
"A sevensome! A sevensome! Is that all you can think about?"
Posted by: Joshua | December 6, 2007 10:48 AM
(sotto voce) "Not the NIELSEN family, the MANSON family. Oh, and Paul Simon. Not the SINGER, the FORMER CONGRESSMAN." (sotto voce)
"No matter how many executives watch it in bed with us, LOST still blows."
Posted by: Michael | December 6, 2007 12:44 PM
Businessman 1: You know, it just occurred to me that if a casual observer were to see us now, he or she would probably wrongly assume that this bed belonged to the couple in the middle, and that we, the besuited men, were a quartet of unlikely interlopers.
Businessman 2: A misapprehension doubtless accompanied by all manner of lewd innuendo - allusions to intercourse with multiple partners and all that.
Woman: Thanks for having us over, chaps. Doug and I have had a lovely evening.
Businessman 3: Our pleasure.
Posted by: Rokkitnite | December 6, 2007 1:44 PM
Poker in the front and liquor in the rear she said. So lick her I did. That's how I wound up here. You?
Posted by: Melissa | December 6, 2007 2:13 PM
"You may be an Ambassador, but when you told me we were staying at the Embassy Suites, I didn't realize I'd have to fuck four of your diplomatic colleagues. And since when have you started calling me 'Sweets'?"
Posted by: GilbertBob | December 6, 2007 2:43 PM
"Brendan, maybe a little less moaning...Sid, please, no giggling...Saul, for godsake take off your socks next time...Edwardo, I can live without the hair pulling...Ralph, your dismount still needs work...Okay, people. Let's try another take."
Posted by: al in la | December 6, 2007 2:44 PM
"I'd forgotten how droll Dick Cavett could be."
Posted by: J.D. | December 6, 2007 4:50 PM
I just think that when you answer a Craigslist that promises "Five Holes No Waiting," you should at least assume the possibility that a colostomy is involved. Am I right here, Harold? Harold, I asked you a question! You don't deserve to call yourselves perverts, you prudes.
Posted by: Roger Kaputnik | December 6, 2007 6:22 PM
"What did you think I meant about sleeping with a lotta guys?"
Posted by: dwilk | December 6, 2007 9:39 PM
The San Clemente chapter of the Suze Orman Investor's Club finds itself feeling snubbed after Suze skips their town on her book tour, instead gracing San Juan Capistrano with a stop. In the end they agree that she had probably never seen the swallows, and forgive her.
Posted by: Shawn | December 6, 2007 11:40 PM
"Well, I've been in worse hotels."
Posted by: JP | December 7, 2007 12:44 AM
"Isn't it time you *stopped* 'talking to Chuck?'"
Posted by: jbushnell | December 7, 2007 12:52 AM
"If you turn off the damn political coverage, do you think the strange bedfellows will go away?"
Posted by: Richard | December 7, 2007 1:08 AM
Who put up the left overs?
Posted by: Melissa | December 7, 2007 1:53 AM
"Moral sewer? I barely know her!"
Posted by: TG Gibbon | December 7, 2007 10:14 AM
"That's why it's called Motel 6"
Posted by: stcoleridge | December 7, 2007 10:15 AM
"I've a good book, my favorite t.v. show, and the man I love about to lead his colleagues in a gang rape in my own bed- this is heaven."
Posted by: Michael | December 7, 2007 1:02 PM
"I thought that fortune cookie had a typo: 'Beware of financial analists.' But once you added the 'in bed' at the end, it not only made sense; it became surprisingly prophetic."
Posted by: mypalmike | December 7, 2007 1:35 PM
"Your lawyers fuck me. My lawyers fuck you. Welcome to L.A., baby...Now hush. Leno's on."
Posted by: Anonymous | December 7, 2007 1:39 PM
"December 7th, 2007...A lay that will live in infamy."
Posted by: al in la | December 7, 2007 1:53 PM
"It's amazing to think that there are worlds out there where people's souls are inside their bodies, and not a pair of banker daemons."
Posted by: jkga | December 8, 2007 9:33 AM
(edit of prior post)
"I've got a good book, my favorite t.v. show, and the man I love about to lead his colleagues in gang-raping me in my own bed- this IS heaven."
"TiVo seems to have been lead astray...have you been sneaking episodes of that show with the guy with a bow-tie again??"
Posted by: Michael | December 8, 2007 1:29 PM
"What's with the PJs, Frank? Didn't you see the line on the invitation about my suit fetish?"
"I have carpal tunnel syndrome, so I hope that some of you are gay. That way you can redecorate my office and make it more ergonomic."
Posted by: John Tabin | December 8, 2007 3:43 PM
"Drew, honey, if you have your own TV show, why are we all still living in this tiny shack?"
Drew Carey didn't have the heart to tell his mother than they'd been watching tapes of his canceled show for years.
Posted by: Rachel | December 9, 2007 12:00 AM
"That Dick Clark never seems to get older! Hey, they're dropping the ball now!! Happy New Year, one and all!!!"
Posted by: David F | December 9, 2007 12:27 AM
"Live commentary from the director, the producer AND the writer? An introduction from a noted film historian?...These DVD extras are getting out of hand."
Posted by: al in la | December 9, 2007 1:29 AM
"I thought we said "Business Casual"."
Posted by: Greg | December 9, 2007 9:44 AM
"I say it's torture and I say we destroy the tapes."
Posted by: Ernest | December 9, 2007 2:54 PM
"What do you know, you really did used to be Menudo. Can you believe those haircuts?"
Posted by: Ernest | December 9, 2007 2:56 PM
"Kejo, I'll stack my experts against your experts any night of the week, or my name is not Francis."
Posted by: Ernest | December 9, 2007 3:01 PM
"I think we're all agreed then -- Giuliani is a flaming shit-heel."
Posted by: J.D. | December 9, 2007 3:02 PM
"I pray that this writers' strike ends."
Posted by: Ernest | December 9, 2007 3:08 PM
"So wait, what, does that make us the anti-Mormons?"
Posted by: Ernest | December 9, 2007 3:12 PM
"Honey, the lawyers can stay but the maitre d' can fuck himself"
Posted by: C@L Mike | December 9, 2007 4:12 PM
"Not tonight, hon. Have your people plow my people."
Posted by: Matthew Hutson | December 9, 2007 5:31 PM
"I am NOT the most frigid wife in the world. Are the Guinness people necessary? And you've gone and lost our only thermometer under the covers, to boot. Someone's likely to sit on it. Why is the man with the bow tie smiling?"
Posted by: Matthew Hutson | December 9, 2007 5:39 PM
"I thought I told you bow ties were on my 'won't' list."
Posted by: Matthew Hutson | December 9, 2007 5:41 PM
"Now that the Guinness people are here, do you have the hamsters?"
Posted by: Matthew Hutson | December 9, 2007 5:43 PM
"Leake, Drobletts---- taken your 'super-beta Prostate' yet ?"
Posted by: Sam L. | January 11, 2008 9:46 PM