The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #124
Submit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon. Click here for details. Click here to see last week's results.
Winner
"Kejo: You are overthinking this considerably and *still* being illogical. All the crawlers know that there is no water in the direction they have come. Therefore everyone, upon suddenly coming across a wave of parched crawlers coming the opposite direction, should realize that there is also no water in the direction they are going, and try crawling in a direction that no one is crawling from. Therefore they should make a left or a right turn, although it is impossible to determine which. (Making a 180 degree turn would just send them back where they came from, dooming them to certain death.) In my caption, I hypothesize that most of the crawlers are unable to generate this optimal survival strategy, addled as they are by thirst." —Francis
Finalists
"Francis: Oh, and furthermore, a ninety degree turn would send them perpindicular to all other crawlers! Did you mean a 180 degree turn?" —kejo
"Francis: Actually, exactly the same number of people are crawling in either direction (not including the conversing duo)." —kejo
Honorable mention
"Considering how many other people dying of thirst are crawling in the opposite direction that we are crawling, I bet there's no oasis that way. We should make a 90 degree turn." —Francis
"Frankly, none of us could have survived long enough to grow beards." —Amy
"Futility, you crazy bastard!" —shadyside lantern
"The mainstream media refuses to report the positive stories. That's the real issue." —al in la
"Fun run my parched, cracking, soon-to-be-dead ass." —Dan McCoy
"Bet you wish you voted for Al Gore now." —jake
"I agree; quite simply 'Lost' really glamorized plane crashes. I am finding it extremely difficult to make friends under these conditions." —Donny
"Keep looking! He who controls the spice, controls the universe!" —Rubrick
(Translated from the original Arabic.) "One more week at this [terrorist] training camp and we'll be ready to attack the American infidels. Allah be praised." —mypalmike
Comments
Every morning it's the same old crap...stuck at the interchange waiting for someone to drop dead.
Posted by: simsburybear | November 26, 2007 9:18 AM
I can't believe that guy cut me off! I'm gonna kill him! Wait...wait...OK, there - he's dead.
Posted by: simsburybear | November 26, 2007 9:20 AM
"Ide-hay the ater-way ottle-bay."
Posted by: Francis | November 26, 2007 9:23 AM
"Considering how many other people dying of thirst are crawling in the opposite direction that we are crawling, I bet there's no oasis that way. We should make a 90 degree turn."
Posted by: Francis | November 26, 2007 9:27 AM
"If we don't die from thirst, the sun will bake us alive."
Posted by: Ernest | November 26, 2007 9:27 AM
"Think it'd be ok if I told'em it was only a disposable contact?"
"I knew this Disney World Death Valley concept was a bad idea."
Posted by: WRK | November 26, 2007 9:30 AM
Hot enough for ya?
Posted by: kejo | November 26, 2007 9:31 AM
"Waterboarding doesn't sound so bad right about now."
Posted by: Ernest | November 26, 2007 9:34 AM
“I could really go for a Tall Peppermint Mocha Frappuccino, skim milk, no whip.”
Posted by: Deborah | November 26, 2007 9:35 AM
"Are you here for the New Yorker desert survivor cartoon model reunion?"
Posted by: shadyside lantern | November 26, 2007 9:43 AM
Francis: Actually, exactly the same number of people are crawling in either direction (not including the conversing duo).
Posted by: kejo | November 26, 2007 9:46 AM
"I'd kill for some water right about now."
Posted by: JohnnyB | November 26, 2007 9:47 AM
I know I dropped it around here somewhere. I'll need that contact in order to appreciate my skin being seared off my body.
Fucking sub-prime mortgages.
Wow, lots of Amish are crawling across the desert all at the same time.
Posted by: J Warner | November 26, 2007 9:48 AM
Francis: Oh, and furthermore, a ninety degree turn would send them perpindicular to all other crawlers! Did you mean a 180 degree turn?
Posted by: kejo | November 26, 2007 9:50 AM
"Just keep telling yourself, 'It's the humidity.'"
Posted by: gary | November 26, 2007 9:53 AM
"The swimming leg of this triathelon was a lot easier before global warming."
"So, how do you like Malibu now?"
Without sunscreen we'll probably all develop skin cancer and die.
Posted by: JohnnyB | November 26, 2007 9:54 AM
"I think it's fine that the warden has us getting our exercise while acting out the 'Thriller' video, but couldn't he let us do it inside?"
Posted by: gary | November 26, 2007 9:55 AM
The scours here are mob scene
Posted by: GilbertBob | November 26, 2007 9:55 AM
Sure, you could argue that the surge is working. But this whole area seems to have been ethnically cleansed already. And isn't it time to start asking whether or not we're really seeing and real signs of political progress?
Posted by: GilbertBob | November 26, 2007 9:57 AM
"When global warming makes the Pacific rise three feet, we'll still be 500 miles from the fucking coast."
"I slept with your wife."
"Goddamn that blazing Van Gogh Sun!"
Posted by: gary | November 26, 2007 9:59 AM
Sure, they advertise bargains. But if you don't get up early the morning after Thanksgiving, the whole place gets picked over pretty quickly.
Posted by: GilbertBob | November 26, 2007 9:59 AM
Kejo: You are overthinking this considerably and *still* being illogical. All the crawlers know that there is no water in the direction they have come. Therefore everyone, upon suddenly coming across a wave of parched crawlers coming the opposite direction, should realize that there is also no water in the direction they are going, and try crawling in a direction that no one is crawling from. Therefore they should make a left or a right turn, although it is impossible to determine which. (Making a 180 degree turn would just send them back where they came from, dooming them to certain death.) In my caption, I hypothesize that most of the crawlers are unable to generate this optimal survival strategy, addled as they are by thirst.
Posted by: Francis | November 26, 2007 10:04 AM
Carl, look behind me. Isn't that Cousin Itt from the Addams Family?
Posted by: kejo | November 26, 2007 10:05 AM
No, this is Operation Desert Swarm.
Posted by: therblig | November 26, 2007 10:08 AM
"Who's fucking idea was it for Senegal to host the Summer Games?"
Posted by: dwilk | November 26, 2007 10:13 AM
"Come around, idiot!"
Posted by: Chris | November 26, 2007 10:14 AM
"Fun run my parched, cracking, soon-to-be-dead ass."
Posted by: Dan McCoy | November 26, 2007 10:15 AM
"Ever notice you don't see as many vultures as you used to? I'd figure this for a buffet for them, but still-- nada."
Posted by: Dan McCoy | November 26, 2007 10:16 AM
Francis, Kejo: Gee, some people have a lot of time on their hands!
Posted by: simsburybear | November 26, 2007 10:29 AM
"And you know what the worst part is? They turned out to be balloons. A clump of just under a hundred. God damn it."
Posted by: A Silly Mus Musculus | November 26, 2007 10:30 AM
"Hey look, it's Steven Spielburg!"
"So where are the ladies?"
"Have you noticed our hands are evolving into feet?"
"How can you think about hot man-to-man action at a time like this?"
Posted by: Tiberius | November 26, 2007 10:33 AM
"Sifting for DNA evidence can sometimes really burn me up.”
Posted by: dwilk | November 26, 2007 10:33 AM
"Patience, my ass! I'm going to kill something!"
Posted by: JohnnyB | November 26, 2007 10:39 AM
Ah well, Francis! I guess I had not anticipated such advanced reasoning powers in an anti-caption. Boo to me, then! and thanks for explaining something that just went totally over my head.
Posted by: kejo | November 26, 2007 10:58 AM
(If the Francis-Kejo commentversation doesn't win this week, I promise not to believe in God anymore.)
Posted by: J | November 26, 2007 11:08 AM
Didn't I read somewhere that cactus contains water? ... I SAID, DIDN'T I READ SOMEWHERE--
Posted by: Mark | November 26, 2007 11:16 AM
"I've got it, Nelson! We'll make a 90 degree turn! That's right - we'll be crawling straight UP! Talk about going over their heads! HA! Ha HAAA!"
"Man, I really should have thought to wear a cap like that guy."
Posted by: Vance | November 26, 2007 11:17 AM
"...and that's when Van Sant called and was all, 'Gerry II: The More, The Gerrier!' But damned if I've seen a single camera this whole week."
Posted by: J | November 26, 2007 11:18 AM
"Y'know, for some reason I always pictured the post-apocalyptic future with more guns and leather jackets, and less crawling."
Posted by: Vance | November 26, 2007 11:18 AM
"Futility, you crazy bastard!"
Posted by: shadyside lantern | November 26, 2007 11:19 AM
It makes me uncomfortable, what with your six-inch long nose so close to my anus. What if I were to stop suddenly? [stops suddenly]
Posted by: kejo | November 26, 2007 11:41 AM
"You know, I think this 'flash mob' thing has really played itself out. I mean, seriously, who are we trying to fucking impress?"
Posted by: junior | November 26, 2007 11:42 AM
"Hey! Good to see you, Larr! Where've you been hiding yourself lately eating scorpions and drinking your own urine?"
"My knees hurt. Mind if I ride you for a while?"
"Moo."
"I'm here for the annual Hennings' march to the sea."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | November 26, 2007 11:46 AM
"Bet you wish you voted for Al Gore now."
Posted by: jake | November 26, 2007 11:49 AM
You know what this place could use? A sun-bleached longhorn cattle skull.
Posted by: kejo | November 26, 2007 11:50 AM
"If we survive, I'm writing a song about this. That river bed we passed yesterday was pretty evocative. So was that horse skeleton. Hmmmm..."
Posted by: A Silly Mus Musculus | November 26, 2007 12:24 PM
"Please get started without me. Thanks."
Posted by: David F | November 26, 2007 12:26 PM
Did you know we're all actually ninety percent water?
Posted by: Scraps | November 26, 2007 12:27 PM
"The beauty of this sport is it's noncompetitive."
"I spy with my little eye something that begins with C."
"Are we there yet?"
Posted by: Evan | November 26, 2007 12:30 PM
"Okay already. You can bitch at me later. Let's just find the god damn keys."
Posted by: al in la | November 26, 2007 1:59 PM
I agree; quite simply 'Lost' really glamorized plane crashes. I am finding it extremely difficult to make friends under these conditions.
Posted by: Donny | November 26, 2007 2:23 PM
"Hey, look. I found some dirt."
Posted by: mypalmike | November 26, 2007 2:45 PM
"I'm dreaming of a white Christmas - white as my sun-bleached bones on the blinding white glare of the baking sands."
Posted by: Richard | November 26, 2007 2:58 PM
"Hey, remember that old Twilight Zone episode, where this woman thought the earth was falling into the sun and it was so hot that everyone was being baked alive? And then at the end, it turned out she had been dreaming - and actually the earth was falling AWAY from the sun, and everyone was freezing to death? That would be so cool if we all woke up and we were actually freezing to death."
Posted by: Richard | November 26, 2007 3:03 PM
Why did we ever volunteer to colonize the extrasolar planet Mu Arae d? With a distance of only 0.09 Astronomical Units from its parent star, the surface temperature here is about 600 degrees Celsius. Its mass is 14 times that of Earth, so its crushing gravity allows us only to crawl about on all fours. The indigenous life-form is a kind of intelligent saguaro which delights in sodomizing us with its prickly appendages. Hey, we should call this place "New Australia".
Posted by: kejo | November 26, 2007 3:06 PM
"I'm tellin' ya, there's a big fucking pistol around here somewhere."
Posted by: dwilk | November 26, 2007 3:25 PM
"Look, it was funny when they had two of us approaching from opposite directions - but this totally misses the point."
Posted by: shadyside lantern | November 26, 2007 3:38 PM
"Keep looking! He who controls the spice, controls the universe!"
Posted by: Rubrick | November 26, 2007 4:18 PM
Abe Lincoln with that hat over there's bout to get the beating of a lifetime, says my bald head.
What are you, a dog? Quit sniffing my ass.
Can you say sausage-fest?
Posted by: TMo | November 26, 2007 4:37 PM
I blame Kejo and Francis.
Posted by: LK | November 26, 2007 4:57 PM
"Is it my imagination, or has corporate hired a few extra people for the day shift?"
"This would be cute if we were all babies"
"Hey... I just thought of something! We can walk there!"
Posted by: Johnny V | November 26, 2007 5:15 PM
"Hey, I heard the new Chevies are out."
Posted by: Greg | November 26, 2007 5:15 PM
(1) "I used to think dying of heat and thirst in the desert would be somehow funny or ironic. But instead it's just slow and horrible."
(2) "Yeah, that one's dead too. Next."
Posted by: Jacob C | November 26, 2007 5:16 PM
" I brought along a couple of.... Ah, never mind!"
"So I says to the genie... 'Give me a home where the buffalo roam..."
"I think we should have made a left turn at Albuquerque!"
"Looks like the job's been filled!"
"
Posted by: Johnny V | November 26, 2007 5:25 PM
No, I don't understand why we're all crawling around on a stage covered in sand. I also don't understand why you volunteered for this shit. I'm only doing it because it's a requirement for Performance Art 101.
Posted by: Jesse | November 26, 2007 5:27 PM
"The main stream media refuses to report the positive stories. That's the real issue."
Posted by: al in la | November 26, 2007 5:56 PM
Next time I say that a desert flash mob sounds like a good idea, poke me in the eye with one of those cactus spines.
I'd rather talk to a fucking volleyball, to be honest.
Posted by: J Warner | November 26, 2007 6:05 PM
"I gotta say, I'm pretty disappointed in Burning Man. Where are the tits? You said there would be tits."
"I got my archaeology degree from Cornell in '82. My first fieldwork was near Pueblo Bonito, under Professor Davies. You?"
Posted by: Rubrick | November 26, 2007 6:24 PM
"Veni vidi water...water...o-leevio!"
Posted by: Chris | November 26, 2007 6:37 PM
"The Star Spangled Banner? Francis Scott Kejo! Wuh-da-yuh think, I'm a FUCKING IDIOT?"
Posted by: dwilk | November 26, 2007 6:42 PM
"I think you might qualify for federal disaster relief."
Posted by: Ernest | November 26, 2007 7:06 PM
"Yes, this is my first time geocaching. So, when does it get fun exactly?"
Posted by: mypalmike | November 26, 2007 7:43 PM
(Translated from the original Arabic.) "One more week at this [terrorist] training camp and we'll be ready to attack the American infidels. Allah be praised."
Posted by: mypalmike | November 26, 2007 7:53 PM
"Yeah, and people in Hell want ice water."
Posted by: JohnnyB | November 26, 2007 8:30 PM
"It's still quicker than the Gowanus* at rush hour. More civil too."
(*or if in L.A. substitute "101."
Posted by: al | November 26, 2007 9:20 PM
Frankly, none of us could have survived long enough to grow beards.
Crap. I forgot to get my flu shot.
Posted by: Amy | November 26, 2007 9:23 PM
Leave it to the networks to over-capitalize on the Survivor Man concept.
Posted by: Amy | November 26, 2007 9:31 PM
"Forty years we've been out here crawling around, scraping by on 'manna' that we find on the ground. Fuck Moses and all his bright ideas right in the ass!"
Posted by: David | November 26, 2007 10:42 PM
"How do we know that if we sand up we'll be sliced in half by laser? Sure it's what we've been told since we were born, but how do we know it's true? Do we have any proof? Have we ever seen anyone actually stand up our entire lives? This is the kind of thinking that keeps me up at night, you know. Next thing you know I'll be doubting the existence of God."
Posted by: znufrii | November 27, 2007 12:26 AM
"No, I'm sorry, it's just not as funny when I have to explain the punchline"
Posted by: znufrii | November 27, 2007 12:29 AM
Hey buddy, you know that Dylan Thomas poem with the line, "Rage, rage against the dying of the light"? Well check this out, you can reverse it and get, "Die, die against the raging of the light". Guess who's doing the "raging" in this alternate poetry universe!? And where were the exclamation marks in the original? Well I got your exclamation marks right here!!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!
Posted by: Shawn | November 27, 2007 12:35 AM
Hey, wanna help? I lost a contact.
Posted by: PL | November 27, 2007 2:01 AM
I shit my pants.
Posted by: Splacker | November 27, 2007 2:53 AM
"Me too! I thought the sign read, 'Unlimited Dessert,'!"
"Well guys... This is probably NOT where D. B. Cooper tossed all that cash."
Posted by: Johnny V | November 27, 2007 6:35 AM
"Me too! I thought the sign read, 'Unlimited Dessert,'!"
"Well guys... This is probably NOT where D. B. Cooper tossed all that cash."
Posted by: Johnnie V | November 27, 2007 6:36 AM
Correction to my first comment. Sentence should read: "How do we know that if we stand up we'll be sliced in half by lasers?..."
Posted by: znufrii | November 27, 2007 7:15 AM
"Allahu akbar!"
Posted by: Ernest | November 27, 2007 8:36 AM
Ernest, not funny.
Posted by: PL | November 27, 2007 8:39 AM
"I'm not stopping. You should have gone before we left the house."
"Once I'm back to my courtroom, I'm going to wash me up a whole mess of dishes, I'm telling you."
"Truly, God has forsaken us one and all."
Posted by: RichM | November 27, 2007 10:05 AM
Either we're all leaving dark snail-trails, or something's seriously wrong with the lighting in this place.
A recent survey shows that fifty-eight percent of white male desert crawlers agree with the direction we're going. Of course, it would be foolish to draw any kind of analogy to American politics, due to the extreme and contrived nature of our situation.
I'm perfectly okay with the idea of all of us dying slowly from dehydration and exposure, as long as no one says anything that offends anyone's religious beliefs.
Posted by: Walt | November 27, 2007 10:20 AM
Hey, I know you! You're the prophet Mohammed!
Posted by: Walt | November 27, 2007 10:28 AM
"Shouldn't that little Christmas tree we just passed be decorated?"
Posted by: jim M | November 27, 2007 10:44 AM
"Nice vest."
Posted by: jim M | November 27, 2007 10:48 AM
"Dude, look! Over by the horizon! Thousands of people not dying of heat exhaustion! No, wait, mirage, my bad."
"The upside to the desert is I totally remember my name, what with how there ain't no one here for to give me no pain. Plus, sunstroke isn't not affecting my ability to construct sentences that don't feature convoluted triple negatives."
"Worst pub crawl ever."
"Aquafina? I barely even know'uh!"
Posted by: dean @ t.a.m.s.y. | November 27, 2007 11:28 AM
"Is that guy's trucker cap meant ironically? What the fuck is this, 2003?"
Posted by: dean @ t.a.m.s.y. | November 27, 2007 11:34 AM
"I think we have a chance. The riddle of the Sphinx says we end up on three legs before we die."
"So, you still want to go on about how 'Evian' is 'naive' backwards, or do you want to apologize for passing up the last bottle of water?"
"I'm so hungry I could eat a - hey, that guy is slowing down."
Posted by: MAtt | November 27, 2007 11:48 AM
You ate the whole bag of pretzels?
Posted by: Mo Buck | November 27, 2007 11:53 AM
"Yeah, I did notice God's asshole on the horizon there. How often do you think He takes a dump?"
Posted by: jim M | November 27, 2007 12:45 PM
"Look on the bright side: At least there aren't any (n------) around."
Posted by: John Tabin | November 27, 2007 1:31 PM
"Man, I would NEVER work the night shift - those guys look really beat."
Posted by: stcoleridge | November 27, 2007 1:36 PM
"We are searching for the best caption to this cliche, 'man-in-the-desert' cartoon. The people crawling in the other direction are searching for the 'anti-caption', a concept I find it difficylt to define."
Posted by: JohnnyB | November 27, 2007 1:56 PM
*difficult* to define...and hard to spell.
Posted by: JohnnyB | November 27, 2007 1:57 PM
"It's rough when you're a hobo-sexual."
Posted by: jim M | November 27, 2007 2:51 PM
"I think maybe we should just walk."
Posted by: Ed C | November 27, 2007 3:42 PM
"I always thought I would dia alone. I mean, at least since I got lost in the desert."
Posted by: Ed C | November 27, 2007 3:57 PM
"I already understood the futility of slowly crawling through the vast, burning desert, but all these people crawling in opposite directions really brings the point home."
Posted by: Ed C | November 27, 2007 4:02 PM
"So anyway, that's my view on death and the pointlessness of Man's struggle to survive. Jesus, just listen to me ramble! How depressing! I just get on these tangents sometimes."
Posted by: Ed C | November 27, 2007 4:13 PM
"You crawl back to the Arby's we passed a mile ago. I have fucking standards!"
Posted by: David John | November 27, 2007 4:32 PM
"I wish I had know this 'Aerobics in the Holy Land' shoot had a great deserts of tribulation segment. But you know what the worst thing is - no workout mats! Ok, ok ... lift and clinch ... lift and clinch ... yes, I can feel the burn, dammit!
Posted by: WRK | November 27, 2007 4:44 PM
"when will this writer's strike ever end? we studio heads are literally starving for good content. as evidence, look how shitty this caption is."
Posted by: michael | November 27, 2007 5:24 PM
"I hate having to 'hand-smooth' these Japanese cactus gardens. They want tranquility?!!... they need to adopt longer 'happy hours!"
Posted by: Johnny V | November 27, 2007 6:50 PM
Fer CHRISSAKE can't you change the subject?? I still say Al Gore can stick his data where the sun don't shine.
Posted by: PL | November 27, 2007 8:08 PM
"Because the light's better here."
Posted by: Ranjo | November 27, 2007 8:21 PM
"Sure it's dangerous. But Halliburton is paying us a fortune to clear landmines." [click]
Posted by: mypalmike | November 27, 2007 8:27 PM
We're leaving Las Vegas.
Posted by: lawrence | November 27, 2007 9:01 PM
** Not a submission but a comment **
PL's use of CHRISSAKE after disallowing "Allahu akbar!" displays a cunning irony, or bald hypocrisy. Well played, PL.
Posted by: Anonymous | November 27, 2007 10:27 PM
"OK, I got another one, then. Knock, knock."
Posted by: JP | November 28, 2007 12:24 AM
"Yeah, I agree, overpopulation is a serious problem. But not, in my opinion, as serious a problem as, say, terrorism, or the AIDS epidemic, or dying of thirst and heatstroke in the desert."
Posted by: Ed C | November 28, 2007 12:29 AM
"I'm turning into my great-great-great grandmother."
Posted by: Vance | November 28, 2007 1:36 AM
[kejo variation]
"Carl, look behind me. Isn't that... Jesus Christ Almighty? ...Dude, we are sooo screwed."
Posted by: Vance | November 28, 2007 1:40 AM
"Psst... hey buddy... Steve Fossett at 9 o'clock!"
Posted by: Anonymous | November 28, 2007 5:48 AM
Big (cough) referendum in Pakistan. (hack, wheeze, rattle) Picking a new currency design. It's between young rockabilly Pervez and older Vegas Pervez. (cough) Man it really is a comedy desert out here. Settle the strike, you jerks!
It was in Entertainment Weekly, the one with Alicia Keys on the cover, that's my source, smart guy. "Cavemen" has *eight* -- count 'em -- episodes in the can. Heading into the writers' strike, that's more episodes than all but one of the half-hour sitcoms on the big three networks. "The Office?" Zero episodes stockpiled. What I'm saying is that this is the window of opportunity -- it'll give the world a better chance of finally appreciating this show. You've got that "Why should I care?" look. How many times do I have to make this same point? If the vote goes through -- and that's why we're out here canvassing -- then we (anti-)caption contest characters will join the ranks of the fictional characters union. Which includes the TV guys. You know that the cavemen are a big part of our team here, just as important as the anthropomorphs and space aliens and bartenders and psychologists. Hell, you remember that crazy couple of months when we kept sending Cirroc and Grok out there, over and over. They knew it was comedy suicide, but they took it for the team. That's why we're organizing in the first place. Because if they think they can deny a fictional caveman his dignity, then where does that leave us desert castaways? Brother, can I count on your vote?
Posted by: Optimus Sub-Prime | November 28, 2007 10:22 AM
"Consumer Reports makes you pay your dues. This is my 4th year in the desert division."
Posted by: Michael | November 28, 2007 11:56 AM
"You know why you can't starve in the desert? Because of the sand which is there."
Posted by: jim M | November 28, 2007 4:56 PM
"Damn it! If this traffic doesn't speed up, we're going to freeze when that sun goes down."
Posted by: Richard | November 28, 2007 5:27 PM
Trudging is really exhausting.
Posted by: ecmil | November 28, 2007 5:47 PM
"You, know, if you're not having a good time here, it's your own fault."
Posted by: Greg | November 28, 2007 6:03 PM
"Have you been over to the buffet yet?"
Posted by: Greg | November 28, 2007 6:05 PM
"That concierge can kiss my ass!"
Posted by: Greg | November 28, 2007 6:07 PM
".....and later we've gotta sit through a goddamned ninety minute presentation!"
Posted by: Greg | November 28, 2007 6:08 PM
"I wish I had known this 'Aerobics in the Holy Land' shoot had a great deserts of tribulation segment. But you know what the worst thing is - no workout mats! Ok, ok ... lift and clinch ... lift and clinch ... yes, I can feel the burn, dammit!"
"I can't make up my mind if this is more Camusian, Beckettian, or Kafkaesque."
Posted by: WRK | November 28, 2007 6:12 PM
"This vast wasteland is nothing at all like television."
Posted by: J.D. | November 28, 2007 7:01 PM
It's an old picture of the Million Man Crawl on Washington D.C. in the post-global warming era.
"I hope the taxpayers don't find out we're still being paid to find weapons of mass destruction."
Posted by: jacal5 | November 28, 2007 8:10 PM
"Quit saying you're Thursday. Your fucking name is Friday!"
Posted by: dwilk | November 28, 2007 8:35 PM
"This training ain't so bad, and I can't remember why I was against the draft in the first place."
Posted by: Brian L | November 28, 2007 8:53 PM
"Face facts, man ! If 'Bierce' was ever going to turn up, he would have turned up by now !"
Posted by: Samuel L. | November 29, 2007 12:37 AM
"Lucky stiffs ! They done crossed the Nularbor !"
Posted by: Samuel L. | November 29, 2007 12:46 AM
I haven't seen a woman in, like, 3 hours, so if we assume they're all dead, how's a little hardcore buttfucking grab ya?
Posted by: Jason Olshefsky | November 29, 2007 12:50 AM
"This new Steve Fossett diet is f-ing brilliant!"
Posted by: Michael | November 29, 2007 12:54 AM
"Let's go back to the car."
Posted by: David John | November 29, 2007 3:37 AM
This moisture wicking shirt is lightweight and extremely breathable, so I can stay dry and comfortable in my death throes.
Posted by: Mo Buck | November 29, 2007 10:03 AM
"I know we should travel by night, but how would you draw that?"
Posted by: Chris | November 29, 2007 12:27 PM
Jennifer just seems NICER than Angelina to me.
Posted by: talk q | November 29, 2007 3:02 PM
It's my birthday tomorrow.
Posted by: talk q | November 29, 2007 3:04 PM
So do we just poop in our pants or what?
Posted by: talk q | November 29, 2007 3:07 PM
"I screamed, 'Madonna, Madonna, adopt me!' but, for some reason, she picked some little black kid."
Posted by: jim M | November 29, 2007 3:26 PM
I guess I can't blame that one on the dog.
Posted by: Dorn | November 29, 2007 3:37 PM
"Do you think that guy from the taco stand looked a little suspicious?"
Posted by: Dorn | November 29, 2007 3:48 PM
I'm starting to doubt her milkshake is really in the yard.
Posted by: Zack | November 29, 2007 4:35 PM
Not it
Posted by: Zack | November 29, 2007 4:44 PM
Is it just me, or is it hot here?
Posted by: Tom | November 29, 2007 6:35 PM
I had a dream last night that I was crawling across a blistering desert populated by an infinity of guys just like me. What do you think it means, Salvador?
Posted by: Shawn | November 29, 2007 9:26 PM
"That dude is going to go bald if he keeps wearing a cap."
Posted by: Dorn | November 29, 2007 11:00 PM
I'm tellin' ya, George wouldn't lie, we are either going to find Bin Ladin or WMDs...
Posted by: Dorn | November 29, 2007 11:11 PM
Fuck. Did you say landmines?
Posted by: Dorn | November 29, 2007 11:20 PM
"I'm sure your lost contact is dried out by now."
Posted by: David | November 29, 2007 11:22 PM
"The Koran promises 42 virgins, but budget cuts have made that mean 42 sweaty hobos who've never been fucked in the ass."
Posted by: David | November 29, 2007 11:30 PM
"I'm thinking of going somewhere less crowded next summer."
Posted by: GilbertBob | November 29, 2007 11:35 PM
"Don't quit now. We need to prove to those fucking network execs that internet revenues are NOT a mirage!!"
Posted by: GilbertBob | November 29, 2007 11:37 PM
Christ, you're an asshole.
Posted by: Neil | November 30, 2007 12:29 AM
Go for a drink later?
Posted by: karen | November 30, 2007 12:29 AM
...s Anton Chigurh, if we slow down for even a second...
Posted by: Optimus Sub-Prime | November 30, 2007 3:58 AM
"Is it you CAN'T remember your name, or you CAN remember your name? Anyhow, what IS my name?"
Posted by: stcoleridge | November 30, 2007 12:21 PM
(or maybe it should just be) "With all these people around, I can't remember my own name."
Posted by: stcoleridge | November 30, 2007 12:23 PM
"How you doin?"
Posted by: reid savid | November 30, 2007 2:15 PM
"We'll pinch the cap when he puts in for the night-- give ourselves a better shot."
Posted by: Samuel L. | November 30, 2007 8:47 PM
"Third Annual Manhood-Prop Desert Crawl for me ..... hold my head up with any Iraq vet."
Posted by: Samuel L. | November 30, 2007 8:53 PM
'The good news, amigo ? We headed U.S. of America ! The bad news? The sun still rises in east !"
Posted by: Samuel L. | November 30, 2007 9:11 PM
"Ever notice men will retain their 'modesty' til the last ?"
Posted by: Samuel L. | November 30, 2007 9:17 PM
Ok, so this isn't the best "Where's Waldo" photoshoot ever.
Posted by: Melissa | December 1, 2007 1:18 PM
"Listen, when Lucifer opens the door to this hellhole and shows the next schmuck his choice of eternal damnation let's try to slip out and sneak into the room where everyone is buried in shit up to their necks with a cup of coffee by their heads."
Posted by: BA | December 1, 2007 10:03 PM
"They told me if I was late one more time, they'd fire me. Do you know what time it is?"
Posted by: Richard | December 1, 2007 10:10 PM
"All you guys with a full head of hair. You're so lucky."
Posted by: BA | December 1, 2007 10:28 PM
"You know what would be cool? If people would take this cartoon and turn it on it's side, it would look like some of us were scaling a giant vertical wall of sand while others were crawling down it. They could also flip it over and it would look like we were stuck to a giant ceiling of sand."
Posted by: BA | December 1, 2007 10:44 PM
"I don't know what's worse...dying of thirst in the desert or not living to ever see Honorable Mention."
Posted by: BA | December 1, 2007 11:02 PM
It's hot.
Posted by: Melissa | December 2, 2007 1:19 AM
"You go on ahead, dude, I'm heading back the other direction. I'm booked for a cartoon Monday at 6 a.m. with three dozen hobos slumped in a row against a wall, all holding cups and signs that say, 'Lowest prices in town.' It's kind of meta -- that's why you don't get it."
Posted by: Joshua | December 2, 2007 3:35 AM
"Well, I mean, except for the fact that we haven't had rain since 2012, Country Joe doesn't call his band the fish anymore because of the irony, and we send all the women to Nova Scotia for 10 months out of the year, sure, this Woodstock is almost exactly like the original."
Posted by: Joshua | December 2, 2007 3:47 AM
"Oh no, I'm not worried. There's an Evian ad on page 92 and a Starbucks on the inside back cover."
Posted by: Joshua | December 2, 2007 3:50 AM
"This is ridiculous. I'm going to stop and ask for directions."
Posted by: al in la | December 2, 2007 4:15 AM
"Excuse me, ¿Qué caliente hay sol?"
Posted by: N-R-2 | December 2, 2007 7:22 AM
"Back when I was enthusiastic about reducing my carbon footprint, I never imagined that my commute would be like this."
Posted by: David | December 2, 2007 8:57 AM
“Check out that guy with the bleeping visor cap. I would call him a lucky so-and-so, but I wouldn’t want to offend anyone’s you-know-what sensibility!”
Posted by: David F | December 2, 2007 3:13 PM
“Reading the Sunday Times just isn’t the same online.”
Posted by: David F | December 2, 2007 3:20 PM
"I'm just not that picky - I think the one I just crawled past would make us a fine Christmas tree."
Posted by: RichM | December 2, 2007 4:55 PM
America 3 - Everything but the Girl 0
Posted by: A Silly Mus Musculus | December 2, 2007 6:13 PM
Mo Buck, a finalist three weeks ago, sets the bar for the anti-caption so far around the bend it actually wins the real contest. (This is for the Groucho glasses assembly line cartoon.)
Real winner:
"Yeah, that one's funny, too. Next."
James Keegan
Milton, Del.
Anti-caption finalist:
"Ha. Ha. Very Funny. [checks box] Ha. Ha. Very Funny. [checks box]..."
Mo Buck
Bravo!
Posted by: Ernest | December 3, 2007 1:35 AM
"Who the fuck is Simon anyway, and why do we just do everything he says?"
"There was a while there when global warming seemed pretty sweet for Canada, eh?"
Posted by: C@L Mike | December 3, 2007 5:25 AM
"North for the jobs, South for retirement; isn't that ironic?"
Posted by: stcoleridge | December 3, 2007 11:49 AM
I guess J's faith in God remains unshaken now.
Posted by: kejo | December 4, 2007 8:31 AM
This week, everyone won.
Posted by: J | December 4, 2007 5:36 PM
"The U.S.-Mexican immigration imbalance would seem somehow to have become mitigated in recent months."
Posted by: Sam L. | January 11, 2008 4:49 PM
Fuckin' Jim Jones, man. I'm telling you Herb there was something in that Kool-Aid!
Posted by: Acquent | January 25, 2008 1:57 AM
Charles Addams did roughly this same cartoon in the February 29, 1988 issue of The New Yorker. The cartoon is on page 291 of the collection "The World of Chas. Addams." It does not have a caption.
Posted by: Richard | January 26, 2008 7:14 PM
I can't wait to get out of the rat race!
Posted by: James C. Drzewiecki | February 28, 2008 7:35 PM
"At least there are no vultures."
Posted by: stcoleridge | March 7, 2008 3:41 PM