November 18, 2007

Oh the obscenity of it all

Gisele-Bundchen_sex tape.jpg Here's Sean Wilsey reviewing -- or attempting to review -- Service Included by Phoebe Damrosch in the New York Times book review.

Finally, leaving, Eve puts her hand on Damrosch’s arm, leans close, says, “Don’t be shocked,” and tells her that “apparently the new thing” — actually, this won’t be making it into a family newspaper. But I will say that it is a sexual practice, that it involves a kitchen appliance, and that Caligula himself would have demurred.

I love that the self-image of the "family newspaper" endures in an era when everyone under 25 gets their news from the Daily Show and MySpace. I also love that notions of civility prevent the Times from publishing whatever particular words are missing from that scene, and yet it's perfectly OK to cause an 11-year-old to imagine a kitchen appliance sexual practice, even if what they imagine is likely to be far more obscene than whatever's in this book.

Of course, Wilsey could have written a fine review simply by omitting this this scene. I suspect that had he been allowed to actually quote it, he wouldn't have. The appeal is in attempting a clever workaround.

The book is not searchable on Amazon. Does anyone know what the "new thing" is? Or have a guess?

Update. Commenter Lemon has the answer. While sufficiently disgusting, it's somewhat misleading to say it "involves a kitchen appliance."

Posted by Daniel Radosh


I don't know, but I've read my Encyclopedia Brown, so I just want to point out that many kitchen appliances as we know them did not exist during Caligula's time. So that should limit the possibilities considerably.

I hope that's useful!

Don't know, but here's the New York Observer also not telling us what "the 'new thing' in scatalogical sex play" is.


Oh! It must be that thing with the Kitchen Aid mixer. Dangerous trick, especially with the dough hook featured so prominently.

It's the Vag-o-matic.

Yo, grandpa, I get my news from my RSS reader.

Spanking with a Microplane grater? Maybe they're doing a double crossover, from woodworking tool to kitchen tool to sex toy.

The text is searchable (sort of) at Barnes and Noble. "Apparently the new thing is to shit in a condom, freeze it, and use it as a dildo."

Or should I say "Apparently the new thing is to s___ in a c___, freeze it and use it as a d___"

Isn't it obvious? SPOONING.

If you asked him to spoon at the end of the day, Caligula would have blushed. Oh, you've been in the house too long, she said, and I naturally fled.

The kitchen appliance is .. a refrigerator-freezer? What a let-down.

Of course, Caligula could have accomplished the same thing with a sheep gut, block of ice and a high-fiber diet. Or, per Lemon, a sh___ g__, b____ of i__ and a h__-f___ d___.

The appliance so popular in Caligula's time? Gotta be the mortar and pestle, and you should see what a Gallic woman can do with it. . .


(The maror! The maror!)

I was going to write a parody of this referencing a scene from Portnoy's Complaint, but came across this (yuck!) while searching, and it's just as good without all the effort. Bonus: Reference to Norman Mailer and "Fug."

Yeah, and kids that are too young to have the "new thing" explained to them will totally get the Caligula reference?

Tucker Max leaned on that blushing Caligula lyric too. Morrissey is more influential than we thought.

It took me a month to write this.

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