The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #121
Submit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon. Click here for details. Click here to see last week's results.
And don't forget the Thanksgiving anti-cartoon contest. Post your worst Thanksgiving cartoon here and, just for fun, here.
Winner
"Stealing company property? I'm afraid that's grounds for immediate dismissal." —Francis
Finalists
"Ha. Ha. Very Funny. [checks box] Ha. Ha. Very Funny. [checks box]..." —Mo Buck
"No thanks. Considering everyone believes I'm just a mild-mannered guy who's totally not into strangling hookers, it's fair to say I already wear a mask to the world." —David John
Honorable mention
"Hope you don't mind-I'm working on my Car Bingo game here....have you seen a '57 Plymouth Belvedere?....hardtop?...." —Greg
"I brought along a couple of widgets... do you mind?" —Johnny V
"The hours here are long but fair!" —Rubrick
Comments
Ha ha - that's ridiculous Herb. Next you'll be telling me that aliens are following you around or the government is spying on you...now get back to work.
Posted by: simsburybear | November 5, 2007 9:30 AM
Yeah, it was corporate's idea. Instead of "mental health" days, or vacation days or health insurance, you make funny noses for an hour. Laughing is supposed to keep you healthy. Ha ha ha...laugh Herb, laugh...
Posted by: simsburybear | November 5, 2007 9:35 AM
Shut it down and reset it, P-791. It's supposed to be recovering the gold fillings, not the noses, mustaches, glasses, and eyebrows.
Posted by: Walt | November 5, 2007 9:41 AM
“Fuck the secret word Kreinholz, we’ve got work to do.”
Posted by: dwilk | November 5, 2007 9:46 AM
"You're right, they do look like you. That's funny."
Posted by: Deborah | November 5, 2007 9:47 AM
"Don't test those too fast, Crumley; you'll get a nosebleed."
Posted by: jim M | November 5, 2007 9:48 AM
"Get off the line, McGillicuddy. It might be years after that chocolate episode, but you're still not fooling anyone with that disguise."
Posted by: David F | November 5, 2007 9:53 AM
"Hey, that's funny stuff, Fidel, but you're Marxist view is getting old."
Posted by: dwilk | November 5, 2007 10:03 AM
“So I was thinking, who do those squiggle lines remind me of? And I remembered. Keith Haring. Haring’s lines were thicker, but the idea was the same. Only Haring would have drawn the lines around the conveyor belt rollers, too. Because the rollers are moving, too. Anyway, it's something to think about. Please take those glasses off and get back to work.”
Posted by: Deborah | November 5, 2007 10:06 AM
These are the last of 'em, and the president ordered 7; we're gonna gave to cut your face off. I'm sorry. It's not covered. Check your contract. The fine print. SO... see ya at the bar later?
Posted by: TMo | November 5, 2007 10:08 AM
your Marxist view
Posted by: dwilk | November 5, 2007 10:09 AM
Have you been working out? Keepin' the lady happy? You look good, Herb, you look good.
Posted by: TMo | November 5, 2007 10:12 AM
"Groucho who?"
"No, I don't know what the Al Aqsa Brigade plans to do with 8,000 funny glasses. But I don't ask questions. I just get my orders out on time."
"You know, it's funny. Here we are, working in 'Fulfillment,' but I don't feel fulfilled. How about you, Pete?"
"Role-playing's not going to help us now, Bill. The spark has gone out."
Posted by: gary | November 5, 2007 10:24 AM
"Look, we only have 442 more days before all the Republicans leave the White House. We gotta make sure their order gets to them on time."
Posted by: Tim H | November 5, 2007 10:26 AM
"OK, look, it was a terrible accident, never should've happened, least of all to every member of your family. Shoulda been a rail there, I know. Here, I'm writing a check for $50,000 right now, we'll call it even, OK?"
Posted by: Vance | November 5, 2007 10:40 AM
"That's a good point, we probably shouldn't have made the lenses opaque. Maybe we can market them to the 'blindfolded cunnilingus with tickling whiskers' crowd?"
Posted by: David | November 5, 2007 10:43 AM
"No, I don't feel that the company owes you any royalties. For starters, these glasses all have curved temples, while yours are straight. The mustache on ours is trimmed at an 18° angle, while yours is at 20° and the nose on ours is a different shape. So any resemblance is totally coincidental.
Posted by: David | November 5, 2007 10:53 AM
Ha. Ha. Very Funny. [checks box] Ha. Ha. Very Funny. [checks box]...
Posted by: Mo Buck | November 5, 2007 10:53 AM
"Goddamn, politically correct world! Look how fucking boring our product line is since we had to stop making the good old 'Chinaman' model!"
Posted by: David | November 5, 2007 10:57 AM
"Stealing company property? I'm afraid that's grounds for immediate dismissal."
Posted by: Francis | November 5, 2007 11:01 AM
"Working here for a day has made me realize how most situation comedies feel like they were created on their own assembly line. This metaphor is gold! I'm sorry, have I introduced myself? I am Frank Rich on a crash diet."
Posted by: Francis | November 5, 2007 11:14 AM
"Oh, verrrrry funny, Wilkins. Hilarious. Next I suppose you'll remove my hat, so I'm completely unprotected here."
Posted by: Vance | November 5, 2007 11:26 AM
"The word from upstairs is that you won't be finding any lead paint on these suckers."
Posted by: jim M | November 5, 2007 11:49 AM
"OK, but how are you going to eat without a mouth?"
Posted by: jim M | November 5, 2007 11:51 AM
"Cut the shit, Daniel! This is a real job in the real world. If you don't treat it as such I'll fire your ass, and you can go back to starving in your Brooklyn hellhole and have time to make more than 4 picks each week on your stupid blog. Fucking writers!"
Posted by: dwilk | November 5, 2007 11:55 AM
"Who are you, and where's the guy who normally works this line?"
Posted by: MAtt | November 5, 2007 12:13 PM
"I know that was you fucking my wife last night. Your fired - unless you can tell me how you got her to try anal."
Posted by: MAtt | November 5, 2007 12:19 PM
Fuck the writers! With these hilarious disguises the network execs will be able to handle primetime by themselves for at least six months.
Posted by: GilbertBob | November 5, 2007 12:46 PM
"Mr. Rayban would like to see you in his office. Immediately."
Posted by: mypalmike | November 5, 2007 12:53 PM
Stop complaining, Marvin. After our life-sized Potato Head outfits failed to catch on, this is the best we've got.
Posted by: GilbertBob | November 5, 2007 12:58 PM
"The 'Secret Word' is YOU'RE FIRED!. Oops, sorry, that's two words. So sue me!"
Posted by: Kathy H | November 5, 2007 1:06 PM
"Bliss if ignorant."
Posted by: Tim H | November 5, 2007 1:08 PM
"...oops. Make that 'Tim H' if ignorant. 'Bliss IS ignorant.' "
Posted by: Tim H | November 5, 2007 1:10 PM
"We all laughed when you modeled for the prototype, but that half-cent a unit royalty must get you a pretty penny."
Posted by: jim M | November 5, 2007 1:14 PM
(Apologies to David)
"No, it's not plagerism. We've put quotation marks around them and we'll cite your face in the footnotes on the clown shoes."
Posted by: JohnnyB | November 5, 2007 1:33 PM
"Yes - YES, already - it tickled when I kissed you. But it's not part of the quality control checklist and I'm not doing it everytime, so get over it."
Posted by: JohnnyB | November 5, 2007 1:36 PM
"Hey, pal, if you see the guy who usually works this station, tell him he's fired."
Posted by: Chris | November 5, 2007 1:48 PM
"You realize, of course, that your face is messing up my nose count."
Posted by: Kathy H | November 5, 2007 1:48 PM
"Veni vidi Groucho-leevio!"
Posted by: Chris | November 5, 2007 1:48 PM
"No, I don't know why anyone would buy these things, and I don't care. Just get back to work."
"No that one makes your face look fat. Take the other one. NEXT!"
Posted by: JohnnyB | November 5, 2007 1:49 PM
"Look at it this way. A man takes a job, you know? And that job - I mean, like that - That becomes what he is. You know, like - You do a thing and that's what you are.You understand? I mean, you become - You get a job, you become the job. You, of all people, should understand that."
Posted by: JohnnyB the Wizard | November 5, 2007 2:02 PM
We work together for 8 years and NOW you try one on. It wouldn't have been funny 8 years ago, and it sure as hell isn't funny now. In fact, fuck you.
Posted by: Adam G | November 5, 2007 2:27 PM
We just nailed down the no-bid Pervez Musharraf disguise contract from State.
Posted by: The Confidence Man | November 5, 2007 2:34 PM
Have I ever told you the story about how I lost my right arm to the "Groucho machine"?
Posted by: The Confidence Man | November 5, 2007 2:36 PM
"The CIA says they simultaneously exacerbate the effects of, and also take the edge off, waterboarding."
Posted by: Kevin Guilfoile | November 5, 2007 2:42 PM
Firefly, you crazy bastard! How are you?
Posted by: The Confidence Man | November 5, 2007 2:44 PM
Jensen, will you kindly remove the strap-on cock-and-balls from your face and get back to work?
Posted by: kejo | November 5, 2007 2:57 PM
"I see on your resume you were a Philosophy major."
Posted by: al in la | November 5, 2007 3:01 PM
These are the last of 'em, and the president ordered 7; we're gonna have to cut your face off. I'm sorry. It's not covered. Check your contract. The fine print. SO... see ya at the bar later?
[fixing typo from first entry]
Posted by: TMo | November 5, 2007 3:01 PM
"Take those novelty glasses off. And put down the pair you're holding."
Posted by: My Man Godfrey | November 5, 2007 3:02 PM
"Your actual eyebrows, glasses, nose, and mustache resemble the eyebrows, glasses, nose, and mustache of the plastic novelties that are assembled at this factory."
Posted by: My Man Godfrey | November 5, 2007 3:04 PM
It's not funny because the nose isn't big enough. You know, big. Big like a big Mr. Potato Head at a bar. Or a big cradle with a businessman in it. Or a big egg with an angel sitting on it in heaven. Or maybe a big circus ring in some guy's living room. You know what they say in the cartoon business: Big equals funny. That's the formula. Like a big gun in the Paleolithic Era. Or a big amoeba on a plane.
Posted by: kejo | November 5, 2007 3:04 PM
"When I put on that pair of novelty glasses that you're holding, both of us will be wearing novelty glasses. Before I accept the novelty from you, however, I'll need to set this clipboard down."
Posted by: My Man Godfrey | November 5, 2007 3:06 PM
"Can you help me with this sudoku?"
"We're all signing a Get Well card for Mabel in Shipping. She has meningitis."
"The hours here are long but fair!"
"Sales of our Zeppo line have been slow, so they sent me over here to observe. Maybe you guys are doing something we're not."
Posted by: Rubrick | November 5, 2007 3:07 PM
"In the bizarro-world that we inhabit, men who resemble Groucho Marx are considered sexually attractive, while guys like Brad Pitt, Antonio Banderas, and Steve Buscemi are considered ugly. Fortunately, this factory, which manufactures pairs of glasses that cause whomever wears them to resemble Groucho Marx, is fully operational, as indicated by the little vibration-marks around the pairs of glasses rolling off of the assembly line, suggesting that the conveyor belt is in motion. Of course, you and I can see that the conveyor belt is working because the glasses are in motion. But if one were to take a still photograph of the belt, it would be impossible to say whether the belt were moving without these lines. In the bizarro-world that we inhabit, these kinds of vibrations are plainly visible."
Posted by: My Man Godfrey | November 5, 2007 3:12 PM
So, how do you like working here at the extruded-polymer division of DuMont chemicals?
Posted by: The Confidence Man | November 5, 2007 3:16 PM
There's a 50-foot woman outside bestriding the building, and word is that our patented Evrolet x-ray specs enable you to see right through her panties.
Posted by: The Confidence Man | November 5, 2007 3:20 PM
"These are actually funnier when you hook the glasses onto your belt."
Posted by: jim M | November 5, 2007 3:25 PM
“Wait a minute! You said, 'Outside of a dog, blah, blah, blah,' followed by, 'inside a dog it's too dark to read.' What the fuck are you talking about?"
Posted by: dwilk | November 5, 2007 4:06 PM
"I assume I can pencil you in on this Ron Paul for President petition?"
Posted by: Chris | November 5, 2007 4:31 PM
Yes, I'm Asian. No, I don't want to "save a little face".
Posted by: therblig | November 5, 2007 4:44 PM
"Where's Harry? I guess he was fired and you're his replacement, huh? You know, you kind of look like Harry, except for the mustache. And of course, he didn't wear glasses. Hey, wait a min--Harry! Goddamn you, you got me AGAIN!"
Posted by: Ed C | November 5, 2007 4:45 PM
"Wait, is that your real face? Because if it is, it would be an incredible coincidence, and mildly humorous to boot."
Posted by: Ed C | November 5, 2007 4:47 PM
"Wow. When you took those off, I didn't expect you to be wearing a second pair underneath them. My expectations were defied."
Posted by: Ed C | November 5, 2007 4:57 PM
"After working here for so long, I've come to understand that we all wear our own disguises."
Posted by: Ed C | November 5, 2007 5:00 PM
"Davis, you've been promoted. Bring this baked bean voucher to the cafeteria, and then report to the whoopie cushion department for further instruction."
Posted by: mypalmike | November 5, 2007 5:00 PM
Sure, Frank, you're a laugh a minute. But unless we can start producing 120 laughs a minute we're all gonna get outsourced to China.
Posted by: GilbertBob | November 5, 2007 5:01 PM
Yeah, I've heard the Johny Cash song "One Piece at a Time." But that was about a car, not a human body. Face it, Steve, your harebrained scheme just isn't going to work.
Posted by: GilbertBob | November 5, 2007 5:07 PM
If replace the eyes with two testicles, the nose with a penis and the moustache with pubic hair does it make the cartoon
1) Not as funny
2) Just as funny
3) Funnier
Posted by: klh | November 5, 2007 5:46 PM
Put those on goddamn it and I will once again be forced to get checked for diploplia.
Posted by: klh | November 5, 2007 5:53 PM
"Until last week my 13-year-old nephew had that job. He died of lead poisoning."*
(* - in Mandarin)
Posted by: J | November 5, 2007 6:03 PM
"Herb, a couple agents from the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service are in my office asking about some blood they found on your pajamas.”
Posted by: J | November 5, 2007 6:27 PM
"HQ wants to hault production...So you can stop making that face."
Posted by: al in la | November 5, 2007 6:35 PM
No, I'm sorry, but you cannot sue us for copyright infringement. Pursuant to the confidentially, non-compete, and property invention agreement you signed when you are hired -- Section 4, paragraph 7(b), clauses c-f, inclusive; referencing sections 12-15 of the company bylaws (excluding section 13, paragraph 3(a)) and incorporating the relevant chapters of the IRS Tax Code, et al. -- we own you, and your face is actually in violation of our company's intellectual property. As this is grounds for immediate dismissal, we're going to have to ask you to leave. Here's the number of a plastic surgeon. Your severance payment should just about cover the expense.
Posted by: znufrii | November 5, 2007 6:37 PM
I told you that if you keep making that face, it will stick that way.
Posted by: JohnnyB | November 5, 2007 7:59 PM
"Some days I really feel like putting a fake arrow through my head."
Posted by: GilbertBob | November 5, 2007 8:19 PM
The ears here are unseen.
Posted by: therblig | November 5, 2007 11:52 PM
You just earned a spot on The Big Idea with Donny Deutsch.
Funny is as funny does.
You've given new meaning to the "Got yer nose" gag.
Why does the word "nosegay" come to mind?
Welcome to the Mukasey Witness Protection Program.
Posted by: Amy | November 6, 2007 12:18 AM
"Smithers, it's come to our attention that you may be a Marxist."
Posted by: al in la | November 6, 2007 12:37 AM
"The hours here are for docile workers who know how to be grateful for even getting a job writing for 'According to Jim.'"
"The hours here are for scabs."
"I don't know nuthin' about an employee discount, ask Big George."
"Why do I work here? Well, I just love to laugh."
"Hm, well, they're not useful, smart, or funny and they never were and never will be but people are just used to them being around so it continues for ever and ever. So, yes, just like the Electoral College. Well-spotted, MacFarquharson. Still, I doubt the bigwigs on 17 will want to put it on the package."
Posted by: TGGibbon | November 6, 2007 5:04 AM
"Johnson, I'm glad you now understand our philosophy: 'Give a man a Groucho mask, and he's funny all day long; teach a man how to make a Groucho mask, and he's a rich man for the rest of his life.' "
Posted by: Tim H | November 6, 2007 10:45 AM
"What exactly did you mean when you wrote on your résumé: 'Hooray for Captain Spaulding, the African explorer! Did someone call me schnorrer? Hooray, hooray, hooray!' ?"
Posted by: Kathy H | November 6, 2007 11:01 AM
"OK, that one meets our standards. But just let the rest of the batch go on to incineration."
Posted by: LV | November 6, 2007 11:13 AM
Funny, check. Funny, check. Funny... y'know something Ted--eighteen years and you still got it.
Posted by: Zack | November 6, 2007 11:57 AM
"They're supposed to smell funny."
Posted by: Francis | November 6, 2007 1:43 PM
Sorry, on strike.
Posted by: rk | November 6, 2007 4:39 PM
"Y'know, I've seen moving conveyor belts before, but I can't understand why this one -- with these 4 1/2 Groucho masks -- just sits here, kinda mocking us."
Posted by: Kathy H | November 6, 2007 5:09 PM
"...or 5 1/2 Groucho masks for those whose PC's don't cut off the mask closest to me. You understand?"
Posted by: Kathy H | November 6, 2007 5:13 PM
"For the umpteenth time, we're not paid to ask where they come from. You try them on, I check them off the list, and we all get to live another day."
"Your plan to infect Groucho Marx impersonators with anthrax is almost perfect. It's just too bad you don't have anthrax."
Posted by: MAtt | November 6, 2007 5:38 PM
"Okay... your resume says that you once were a diesel fitter. Must you constantly say "Dees'll fit her!... Dees'll fit her!??"
"Okay, Ted, I want the $50 you owe me NOW!!! and don't try anything funny!"
"Seinfield started at the bottom, too, Kid. Hang in there...."
Posted by: Johnny V | November 6, 2007 6:48 PM
"Aw crap you're right, these are defective. You don't look a thing like Frida Kahlo."
Posted by: Raccha | November 6, 2007 7:48 PM
Well, we got a mixed review here from bizarre marital-aids/sex toys.com. "Good vibration power, but tickle factor is a problem." Only two and a half boobs. Oh well, there's always room for improvement...
Posted by: simsburybear | November 6, 2007 8:15 PM
"There is only one word to describe your clones, narcistic."
Posted by: jeena | November 6, 2007 8:25 PM
"Congratulations, you produced the most masks in the fastest time, beating your co-worker by a nose!"
Posted by: jeena | November 6, 2007 8:54 PM
"Dude, put that back."
Posted by: Joshua | November 6, 2007 9:00 PM
* "我十三歲的侄子到上個星期做了這個工作。他被鉛毒死了。"
(* Mandarin as requested above. Even more hilarious, no?)
Posted by: Joshua | November 6, 2007 9:02 PM
"Jesus fuckin' Christ you're right, Higgenbotham! When you pick the suckers up the quotation marks disappear!"
Posted by: dwilk | November 6, 2007 9:13 PM
"You'd think it'd be hard to mess it up, right? Tell that to Lucy Ricardo, she got transferred to the accounting department after her latest mishap. Lucky bitch."
Posted by: znufrii | November 6, 2007 9:26 PM
"Americans want new faces in Washington D.C., but they didn't order your plastic Groucho masks, you fucked up, report to the Employee Extermination Department, immediately!!!"
Posted by: jeena | November 6, 2007 9:29 PM
3-D glasses and a coke holder, awesome.......
Posted by: jeena | November 6, 2007 9:53 PM
"Look out, this next one is missing a quotation mark."
Posted by: Brian L | November 6, 2007 10:36 PM
Get back to the vibrator testing area and act like someone with a goddamn Associate's Degree.
Posted by: LK | November 6, 2007 10:47 PM
My son's selling Groucho Glasses to raise money for his school. Can I put you down for 10?
Posted by: Shawn | November 6, 2007 10:53 PM
"No thanks. Considering everyone believes I'm just a mild-mannered guy who's totally not into strangling hookers, it's fair to say I already wear a mask to the world."
Posted by: David John | November 6, 2007 11:08 PM
So, basically the lady next to my studio is a bumptuous slovenly Greek woman with no teeth, so she talks like Carol Channing more or less. She keeps her Magnavox with the dial stuck on the Game Show Network 24/7, so I get to have the shit woken outta me every 2 am by Ray fuckin Combs. So don't even get me started about how fucking terrible your job is. For me, this is my 60 hours a week of heaven.
Posted by: Chris | November 7, 2007 3:09 AM
"I brought along a couple of widgets... do you mind?"
"Good news! You have been promoted to 'rubber dog shit". Take off those glasses and start living like one of the 'big boys'!"
"Pssst.... Harold! I am sneaking out early today. Be a pal and clock me out, okay?!"
Posted by: Johnny V | November 7, 2007 7:19 AM
"I didn't say the bombing of Cambodia wasn't justified, Mr. Kissinger."
Posted by: gray nixon | November 7, 2007 8:54 AM
"Sorry Brian, even New Yorker cartoons don't need this kind of shit anymore. We're all fired."
Posted by: Mr. Know It All | November 7, 2007 9:51 AM
"You wouldn't believe how long I've been working on this latest caption contest. Problem is, this cartoon just isn't funny."
Posted by: Mr. Know It All | November 7, 2007 9:53 AM
"Why'd you put an asterisk here next to 'marital status'?"
(Caption stolen from October 4 Lockhorns.)
Posted by: Mr. Know It All | November 7, 2007 9:54 AM
Tom, there's something the same about you today.
Posted by: Becca | November 7, 2007 10:42 AM
"Yeah- 'wocka, wocka, wocka,' FIDEL."
"That pair clearly doesn't have enough " "."
"Your voracious appetite for your job is an inspiration to us all, but I've been told to let you go because we're all sick of your Borscht Belt routine."
Posted by: Michael | November 7, 2007 11:08 AM
Yuk Yuk. [checks box] Yuk Yuk. [checks box] Titter Titter- "Uh Oh."
Posted by: Mo Buck | November 7, 2007 12:17 PM
"Don't play with the merchandise. [Translated from the original Mandarin Chinese, even though the characters are poorly drawn and therefore don't look especially Asian. You didn't think those plastic novelty items were made in the US, did you?]"
Posted by: John Tabin | November 7, 2007 1:39 PM
These vibrating funny glasses are the reason my wife left me.
Posted by: Mo Buck | November 7, 2007 3:47 PM
"Holy Christ! This order is for 500 HARPO masks!!"
Posted by: Tim H | November 7, 2007 5:31 PM
Kike.
Posted by: Charles | November 7, 2007 5:58 PM
"Wilson, we'd rather you didn't discuss Marx in the workplace."
Posted by: Joe Johnston | November 7, 2007 6:55 PM
The assembly line has vastly improved our efficiency.
Posted by: Ernest | November 7, 2007 7:53 PM
I used to have a pen in my useless left hand but some Bozo stuck a clipboard in it. Can you remove it, please?
Posted by: Ernest | November 7, 2007 7:55 PM
You've signed up to bring macaroni salad to Carol's going-away party this Friday. Can you bring ambrosia instead — Jeri in accounting is already bringing macaroni salad.
Posted by: Ernest | November 7, 2007 7:57 PM
"Speed it up, George. We just good a big order from a group of married guys heading down to that Caribbean golf tournament Radosh is publicizing."
Posted by: GilbertBob | November 7, 2007 7:59 PM
There's an emergency call for you. Your wife has died in a car accident.
Posted by: Ernest | November 7, 2007 7:59 PM
"Congratulations, Pamela, you fooled me again."
Posted by: GilbertBob | November 7, 2007 8:03 PM
"Okay, I got one for you: 'I picked up my gun and shot an elephant and that's when I realized I was wearing my pajamas.' ... Get it? Wearing pajamas! ... Well, of course -- you have to sell it. ... Okay, well, how about this: 'If there's one way you never want to shoot an elephant, it's in your pajamas.' ... See, it's funny because the elephant is ... No, I said it wrong. 'An elephant got in my pajamas with me and that's when I shot him.' ... Wait, I got it: 'Is that a hunting rifle in your pajamas or ...'"
Posted by: Joshua | November 8, 2007 12:40 AM
Why the hell do I have to wear the only George Fenneman mask around here?
Posted by: David W | November 8, 2007 5:05 AM
There are times, still, that I wake up in a sweat, calling out "Sandy! Sandy!" The whole thing -- the trip to Budapest, the stuttering man, the crash. God, I miss that pony.
Posted by: skeeelz | November 8, 2007 1:03 PM
Don't forget the quotation marks, Ken.
Posted by: Grant | November 8, 2007 2:15 PM
An old man once told me I'd end up in a bad joke. I never believed him...
Posted by: Frank | November 8, 2007 2:17 PM
Please put down the Wiggling Groucho Mask (TM) so that we can restart the conveyor belt.
Posted by: Charles | November 8, 2007 5:53 PM
I've asked you not to pick your nose. That's my job.
Posted by: Amy | November 8, 2007 7:21 PM
"Wokka wokka wokka wokka wokka wokka wokka wokka wokka wokka wokka wokka...." [Ms. Pac-Man dot-chomping noise]
Posted by: Trout Almondine | November 8, 2007 9:13 PM
"After you've tried on all the Grouchos, Carol will assist you when the dildos start coming out."
Posted by: dwilk | November 9, 2007 7:14 AM
Nope...it's gaucho.
Posted by: Tim | November 9, 2007 12:34 PM
"I realize you lost a bet, but this is a workplace."
Posted by: A Silly Mus Musculus | November 9, 2007 2:48 PM
Hey Eddie, listen... I have this friend that's been assigned to quality control, and kind of as a practical joke, the guys and I rigged it so the stuff he checked just wrap around to the beginning again. And... here's the funny part, this guy has been checking the same seven things over and over for three months and we forgot to tell him... isn't that funny?
Posted by: Zack | November 9, 2007 3:13 PM
Yuck it up, Peterson. Those are covered in lead and GHB.
Posted by: Ben | November 9, 2007 6:28 PM
"The hourly workers here aren't who they seem."
Posted by: al in la | November 9, 2007 11:37 PM
"Yeah, too bad you're not testing "ass-face" masks."
Posted by: Greg | November 10, 2007 1:34 AM
"Hope you don't mind-I'm working on my Car Bingo game here....have you seen a '57 Plymouth Belvedere?....hardtop?...."
Posted by: Greg | November 10, 2007 1:37 AM
"We're outsourcing your attitude."
Posted by: Greg | November 10, 2007 1:40 AM
"That part of the conveyor belt has failed the Groucho glasses test. I'll make a note of it and have it replaced."
Posted by: Francis | November 10, 2007 2:30 AM
If you make it to the Zeppo line and you're still smiling, you might just make Lead.
Posted by: Darlin | November 10, 2007 5:37 AM
"I shit you not, Miles... Dog is gay. Gayer than gay. Dude came out last night on Kimmel. Said he needed to confess to God and the American people. Pole smoker since the big house, bottom, into fatties and get this... Beth is a tranny. What the freak is the world coming to? A homo. Can you believe it Miles?"
Posted by: Chepe | November 10, 2007 5:17 PM
"Que lastima que el 'Dog' no sabia esa negrita no seria puta pero Cubana. No se preocupe. Mañana empezaremos la producíon de los Dog-Oakley Thump lentes commemorativos."
Posted by: Chepe | November 10, 2007 6:23 PM
translation for Production Coordinator and Castro:
"Too bad 'Dog' didn't know the black girl wasn't a whore but a Cuban. Don't worry. Tomorrow we start production of the Dog-Oakley Thump commemorative glasses."
[I tink is better in espaneesh.]
Posted by: Chepe | November 10, 2007 6:29 PM
"Jenkins? I truly believe there's a joke here to be made about nose hair...'lose the nose hair'...'trim the nose hair'...'the nose hairs here are obscene'...but, for the life of me, I can't think of it. That, in-and-of-itself, is funny....right? Jenkins?
Posted by: al in la | November 11, 2007 4:23 AM
"Commodity-induced alienation from your human nature: check."
"If you can't quit clowning around, I'll have you sent to our China facility.
Posted by: Michael | November 11, 2007 2:05 PM
" We got a small problem here, clown. That school's mascot was the 'gaucho'.....G-A-U-C-H-O !
Posted by: sslabo | November 11, 2007 6:42 PM
"Well, I certainly hope your Beverly is as perceptive as you claim."
Posted by: sslabo | November 11, 2007 6:48 PM
"Quick thinking, Jose' ! The I.N.S. just entered the plant."
Posted by: Samuel L. | November 30, 2007 10:07 PM