The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #112
Submit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon. Click here for details. Click here to see last week's results.
Winner
"This may explain the enormous, dead hooker we saw yesterday." —Matt
Finalists
"Yeah yeah, I get it -- the title 'Huge Bore' contains the critique, ha ha. But again it seems I'm the only one who'll come right out and say that Jeff Koons is just jerking off! Like the enormous sabertooth tiger with the big sad eyes and the balloon-twist tail. People still worship that thing. Literally! Remember Tina, my ex? Her cousin Leslie went off with this tribe, the Uggams, who literally worship the enormous Jeff Koons tiger, as their deity. Stupidest thing I've ever heard of. Koons, the early cave etchings had something to say, but this, this is bullshit." —B'nai tha K
"Can we fuck it?" —Harry
Honorable mention
"Honey, I shrunk the kids. And blew up this gun. And sent us thousands of years into the future. Not necessarily in that order. And fucked your sister." —dean @ t.a.m.s.y.
"I've heard of small-statured cavemen (Homo floriensis) living until quite modern times, but this is ridiculous!" —kejo
"Careful Zog! It may be a metaphor." —al in la
"I can't tell if it's an authentic Claes Oldenburg or not; the signature's been filed off." —Rubrick
"If you compare the circumference of the bullets to the circumference of the bore, it's obvious that it would be impossible to fire this revolver with any degree of accuracy whatsoever." —jim M
"I'm guessing its Cro-Magnum." —Dex
"Remember the other day when you asked me if God could create a gun that was so big that even He couldn't shoot it? I am thinking probably not, since He just killed your dad with this thing. Dude, God hates your dad." —Adam G
"Wow! We just invented the first big-ass gun!" —Ed C
"Go get the robotic camera...I can't see a dang thing." —Amy
"First we wore caveman costumes to a formal wedding. Then we ate the cake that shrank us to the size of ants. And now here we are, seeking shelter from a live volcano. What else could possibly go wrong?” —David F
"Can you imagine what the man who held this must have looked like? He'd have to be blacker than midnight!" —stavrogin
Comments
I've heard of small-statured cavemen (Homo floriensis) living until quite modern times, but this is ridiculous!
Bulletman the Human Bullet? Captain Caveman here. Would you be interested in maybe a cartoon cross-over? Oh, good, good. I'll have my people contact your people.
Oh my God. I'm back. I'm home. All the time, it was....We finally really did it. You maniacs! You blew it up! Damn you! God damn you all to hell!
Posted by: kejo | August 27, 2007 4:32 PM
As the world's two last microscopic caveman, I think it is prudent to be cautious, even if it looks like a nice palce to take a nap.
Posted by: klh | August 27, 2007 4:34 PM
As the world's two last microscopic cavemen, I think it is prudent to be cautious, even if it looks like a nice place to take a nap.
Posted by: klh | August 27, 2007 4:35 PM
Frankly, this is not what I expected when I threw that boar femur up in the air.
Posted by: therblig | August 27, 2007 4:46 PM
"Weird... I distinctly heard a shot, yet it's the volcano that's smoking. Also, I'm incredibly small."
Posted by: Vance | August 27, 2007 4:49 PM
"Well, it's no Stonehenge."
Posted by: Tim H | August 27, 2007 4:50 PM
[Guy on left talking:] "Come on, Kevin, nothing to worry about - All you have to do is get the anti-caption contest up within a reasonable amount of time. I'm sure they'll all be very forgiving."
Posted by: Vance | August 27, 2007 4:50 PM
"I'm afraid our tiny spears and bodies are no match for this giant automatic weapon. Our people are clearly doomed to be wiped off the face of the earth."
"I gotta admit, I didn't believe 'em when they said this next Beatles album was gonna be HUGE."
Posted by: Vance | August 27, 2007 4:54 PM
"I think I just pissed away my retirement investing in spear futures."
Posted by: Tim H | August 27, 2007 4:54 PM
"Careful Zog! It may be a metaphor."
Posted by: al in la | August 27, 2007 4:54 PM
"If you compare the circumference of the bullets to the circumference of the bore, it's obvious that it would be impossible to fire this revolver with any degree of accuracy whatsoever."
Posted by: jim M | August 27, 2007 4:54 PM
"There's a sign on a stick in there - it says G-N-A-B."
Posted by: jim M | August 27, 2007 4:56 PM
"Come Saturday night, this will be something special."
Posted by: Tim H | August 27, 2007 4:56 PM
"As charter members, I think the NRA will give us quite a deal."
Posted by: Tim H | August 27, 2007 5:01 PM
This suggests a radical new theory, Og: that the revolver suns around the earth!
Oh it's big alright, Og -- a big metaphor. Of a lazy caption contest editor staring down the barrel of a deadline, who in desperation goes "caveman" for the second time in a month and hopes no one notices. Well I've got news for that editor: it's been noticed. And the readers and contestants are revolting!
Posted by: B'nai tha K | August 27, 2007 5:02 PM
"I was kinda hoping for butter."
Posted by: Tim H | August 27, 2007 5:02 PM
"I think this is the gun Rock Hudson had up his ass in 'Giant.'"
Posted by: jim M | August 27, 2007 5:03 PM
Yeah, but you know, I was thinking. If he hadn't have stolen from the mob, then he never would have become a beach bum in Florida and then he never would have got picked up by the hurricane. Then if he hadn't got picked up by the hurricane he would have never hit Burton's car, and if it wasn't for hitting Burton's car, Burton would have gotten away with murder
Posted by: simsburybear | August 27, 2007 5:04 PM
[Dear B'nai tha K: I don't know about the readers, but the contestants are VERY revolting!]
Posted by: Tim H | August 27, 2007 5:07 PM
"This is the most allegorically confused anti-gun advertisement I've ever appeared in!"
Posted by: Dan McCoy | August 27, 2007 5:09 PM
"It's very important to check that there's not a live round in the chamber."
Posted by: Dan McCoy | August 27, 2007 5:10 PM
"Thing fall from sky. Crush Zog and Zog garage. Me sad... Umm, dibs on Zog broom."
Posted by: mypalmike | August 27, 2007 5:16 PM
"It says PROPERTY OF EVROLET."
"I don't know what it is. Let's leave it alone - it looks harmless enough."
Posted by: Deborah | August 27, 2007 5:18 PM
Wow! Those are the 5.66-mm Le Mas rounds that are "frangible" - they'll penetrate steel and other hard targets but will not pass through a human torso. Instead, they effectively explode inside a body, ravaging tissue in all directions, creating untreatable wounds. They're so COOL!"
Posted by: jim M | August 27, 2007 5:23 PM
Yes, Ug old chap, it is an unusually anachronistic find for this primitive domain, wouldn't you say? And yet I must say that I am bothered even more by the distorted proportions evidenced therein. What the hell is this thing supposed to fire -- shotgun shells? Quite!
Posted by: DT | August 27, 2007 5:35 PM
“Crawl in and stroke her clitoris, Romulus, while I caress her hair trigger."
Posted by: dwilk | August 27, 2007 5:38 PM
I think that crazy guy who was captured by the apes lives here. This seems down his alley.
Posted by: Owen | August 27, 2007 5:43 PM
Tina's here, we're getting back together.
Posted by: Optimus Sub-Prime | August 27, 2007 5:44 PM
*"Giant firestick don't kill caveman; caveman kill caveman.'
*Me now know what killed dinosaurs.
Posted by: Matty Matt | August 27, 2007 5:51 PM
“So, Artimus, do you feel lucky?”
Posted by: dwilk | August 27, 2007 5:55 PM
Yeah yeah, I get it -- the title "Huge Bore" contains the critique, ha ha. But again it seems I'm the only one who'll come right out and say that Jeff Koons is just jerking off! Like the enormous sabertooth tiger with the big sad eyes and the balloon-twist tail. People still worship that thing. Literally! Remember Tina, my ex? Her cousin Leslie went off with this tribe, the Uggams, who literally worship the enormous Jeff Koons tiger, as their deity. Stupidest thing I've ever heard of. Koons, the early cave etchings had something to say, but this, this is bullshit.
This is as dangerous as Tim H is to my punchlines!
Posted by: B'nai tha K | August 27, 2007 6:07 PM
"Do you still believe we were created??! Or do you now believe in the Big Bang Theory?!!"
"Too bad we are primative gnomes. This son-of-a-bitch could really make us powerful!"
"I am interested in it... Where do I purchase bullets for this large gun?"
"I don't know, Og... This whole senario seems fucked up!"
Posted by: Johnny V | August 27, 2007 7:32 PM
"The NRA has really outdone itself this time"
"Let's hide in this while the volcano erupts"
"Science Advisor: Which discovery should our wise men be pursuing, sire? Pick one............... Firearms."
"so, let me get it right. I cock the hammer, which advances the cylinder to the next round. Then, when I pull the trigger, this releases the hammer, which fires the round in the chamber. This kills the mammoth, and then we can eat. Did I get it right this time?"
Posted by: Elad | August 27, 2007 7:52 PM
"Can we fuck it?"
Posted by: Harry | August 27, 2007 8:12 PM
"Hey Owen! Wait! I'm calling 911."
Posted by: Brian L | August 27, 2007 8:20 PM
OK, now I get to be the cowboy.
Posted by: Brian L | August 27, 2007 8:31 PM
"Don't be silly. Guns don't kill people, volcanos kill people."
Posted by: Dave | August 27, 2007 8:32 PM
"I'm guessing its Cro-Magnum."
"You really like this thing, don't you Charlt-og Hest-og."
Posted by: Dex | August 27, 2007 8:34 PM
"If happiness is a warm gun, we're screwed. This one's cold as a glacier."
Posted by: Dave | August 27, 2007 8:34 PM
"Holy shit that's a big gun!"
"I can't tell if it's an authentic Claes Oldenburg or not; the signature's been filed off."
"Go tell the clan. This is definitive proof that God holds his piece gangsta-style."
Posted by: Rubrick | August 27, 2007 8:40 PM
Great misinterpretation of "the Big Bang", Cotham. My readers are going to lap this shit up. But now that I see it... you know, if you could add a friendly, pre-Flood dinosaur in the background to live alongside the cavemen, that would be perfect.
Posted by: Anonymous | August 27, 2007 9:23 PM
Alas! Forty miles trekking across the outback for this? When they said, "Colt .45," I had understood I would find the world's largest malt liquor here... Ah well, I can't face the world sober. Get over there and pull the trigger, would you, Leonard?
Posted by: kejo | August 27, 2007 10:07 PM
It's a starter's pistol. I guess this is the beginning of the human race.
Posted by: therblig | August 27, 2007 10:19 PM
"Looking down the barrel of a gun, son of a gun, son of a bitch, getting paid, getting rich! Ultraviolence running through my head, Fuzzy navel y'all making me see red. Rapid fire Louie like Rambo got bullets, I'm a gonna die harder like my kid Bruce Willis."
Posted by: Francis | August 27, 2007 10:28 PM
"My wife! My best friend! In the barrel of a giant gun! In prehistoric times!"
Posted by: Francis | August 27, 2007 10:31 PM
"Now if we could only find a naked giantess large enough to hold this gun, I would really be turned on right now."
Posted by: Francis | August 27, 2007 10:33 PM
"Holy smokes, the therapist from the GEICO commercial is in there holding a sign that says, I'M NOT SMARTER THAN A CAVEMAN OR A FIFTH GRADER SO PULL THE TRIGGER!"
Posted by: jeena | August 27, 2007 11:12 PM
"Don't go ballistic until we know what it is."
CSI Mesopotamia
Posted by: Johnny | August 27, 2007 11:15 PM
"Mus' be campaign time again, Clem. But us Red State folk ain't votin' on no single issue...Where's he stand on fags getin' married? That's what I wanna know."
Posted by: al in la | August 27, 2007 11:17 PM
"Hey, hey, whoa, EASY there - don't take it the wrong way, I just have a wide stance, OK?"
Posted by: Vance | August 27, 2007 11:21 PM
I'd make a joke about knowing what killed the dinosaurs except for the fact that our very existences are separated by more than 65 million years. So I'm at a loss.
Posted by: Ben | August 27, 2007 11:50 PM
The two from "Johnny" above are actually JohnnyB
Posted by: JohnnyB | August 27, 2007 11:59 PM
"Yes, Punk feel lucky. Grunk also feel lucky?"
Posted by: Joshua | August 28, 2007 12:33 AM
"It says, 'If you can read this, then kiss your tiny ass goodbye.'"
Posted by: C@L | August 28, 2007 1:59 AM
"How humorous this could be if we were tiny cowboys... but I guess that's not going to happen, is it?"
Posted by: abe | August 28, 2007 2:32 AM
"One tiny spear to the balls, and he dropped this and ran like a big sissy."
Posted by: C@L | August 28, 2007 3:07 AM
"It says, 'Live from New York, it's a Saturday Night Special.'"
Posted by: C@L | August 28, 2007 3:12 AM
"This settles it -- the gods ARE fucking crazy."
Posted by: C@L | August 28, 2007 3:16 AM
"'The gun is good. The penis is evil. The penis shoots seeds, and makes new life to poison the earth with a plague of men, as once it was. But the gun shoots death, and purifies the earth of the filth of brutals. Go forth... and kill!' All well and good, mighty Zardoz, but this gun is way too big for us to pick up. Also I'm not so keen on the diapers you want us to wear."
Finally photographic proof: Only tiny cavemen are stupid enough to go anywhere near Anne Coulter's vagina and even then it's just to hide from bears.
"Steve! Wake up! We gotta go. The volcano's rumbling and the birds are flying south. We need to leave now to get back to Tempe before the new tv season starts because we're guest-starring on 'Ghost Whisperer' returning this fall on CBS, catch it!"
"As a proctologist I've heard a lot of crazy stories about people acidentally getting things jammed up in 'em but I don't handle people jammed up in things. I'm about the ass, not the jamming. The jamming's really a small part of it. Sure, it's the part that you remember but mostly I do cancer screenings and hemerrhoids, that sort of shit, no pun intended, although I am really good at tracking animals by their scat, which, frankly, in this prehistoric milieu is more useful than my primitive cancer screening methods."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | August 28, 2007 4:16 AM
“Shelter? Hell! Think of all the liquor stores we could hold up with this fucker!”
Posted by: dwilk | August 28, 2007 7:17 AM
I'm just going to look inside and hope nothing humorous happens.
Posted by: Pyn | August 28, 2007 9:35 AM
"I just love it when we get to name new shit - do you think should we spell it 'c-a-l-i-b-e-r' or 'c-a-l-i-b-r-e'?"
Posted by: jim M | August 28, 2007 9:43 AM
"No, it dosn't make me believe in intelligent design. You'd have to be a fucking IDIOT to design a gun this big."
Posted by: Richard | August 28, 2007 10:15 AM
Hello? We're a couple of midgets - do you mind?
Posted by: therblig | August 28, 2007 10:22 AM
"The barrel of a giant gun is staring in my face, a volcano is erupting over my village, and another caveman is about to sodomize me from behind... I'm really having a bad day."
Posted by: Jacob C | August 28, 2007 10:22 AM
"SMOKING volcano, big GUN, MUSHROOMs we ate, and dark CLOUD- I smell a catch phrase for invading Iraq."
Posted by: LV | August 28, 2007 10:27 AM
Hey asshole, the volcano is erupting! Forget about your stupid cat.
This is a much better weapon than 'dick and balls on a stick.'
Yeah yeah yeah, a gun of that caliber can go through the engine block of a truck...Why can't we talk about football and chicks like other guys?
Posted by: Matt | August 28, 2007 10:42 AM
Golf with Willie Nelson: "Damn, my drive went right in this here sewer pipe. Hand me my wedge, a joint and a lighter and I'll be out in a flash."
Posted by: LV | August 28, 2007 10:45 AM
"Remember the other day when you asked me if God could create a gun that was so big that even He couldn't shoot it? I am thinking probably not, since He just killed your dad with this thing. Dude, God hates your dad."
Posted by: Adam G | August 28, 2007 10:48 AM
"We're living in an Irwin Allen movie!!!"
Posted by: Richard | August 28, 2007 11:05 AM
"No, you were right. It's clearly a gigantic antique 1930s Enfield revolver."
Posted by: The Real Eric | August 28, 2007 11:10 AM
"No way we hide the bodies here, they'll find them for sure."
Posted by: The Real Eric | August 28, 2007 11:11 AM
"Look at this puzzling object, Garg. Not only is it clearly from the future, but it is also outlandishly large. If I weren't so alarmed, this could be amusing."
Posted by: The Real Eric | August 28, 2007 11:14 AM
"Think how many spears we could make out of this thing!"
Posted by: The Real Eric | August 28, 2007 11:16 AM
"Excellent condition, lovely patina- may I ask how much you paid for it? Well, you might be surprised to learn that, for insuance purposes, I would value it at 4,000 clams. Keep the metal parts oiled, and thanks for visiting the Roadshow."
Posted by: LV | August 28, 2007 11:57 AM
I believe the gods have sent us a magical venison dispenser. Go push that lever, and I'll stay here and grab the venison when it comes out.
Posted by: mypalmike | August 28, 2007 12:32 PM
Next week on "Lost": Hurley discovers an enormous gun on the island. Inside the gun is an envelope labeled, "How to leave the island". He climbs in to retrieve it, and manages to get stuck. Sawyer and Locke find him the next day, parched and delirious. Their efforts to free him appear to be futile. The gun appears to be fully functional, and they soon face a moral dilemma.
Posted by: mypalmike | August 28, 2007 12:42 PM
"The gods must be crazy...and damn big."
Posted by: The Mullet | August 28, 2007 12:42 PM
"Oh my God. I'm back...I'm home. All the time, it was...Chuck Heston and his NRA cronies finally really did it!! You maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God...damn you all to hell!"
Posted by: The Mullet | August 28, 2007 12:46 PM
"I just can't believe that Gulliver had this thing keistered the whole time."
Posted by: The Mullet | August 28, 2007 12:51 PM
"Maybe it WOULD be easier than climbing up a bronto's asshole, Klug. I still woudn't chance it."
Posted by: The Mullet | August 28, 2007 12:58 PM
"Say, Thag...Weapons of Mass Destruction more evident today?"
"Wow! Either this gun has become incredibly big, or we have somehow becme incredibly tiny! ...but that would violate the 'mass-square' law, so I bet it's just the gun that's really big. But it's hard to tell, with no other objects nearby for immediate reference, so you'll forgive my waffling a bit on this one. Also, we're cavemen."
"I don't mean to BORE, you but I thought a man of your CALIBER would want to take a SHOT at identifying this GUN object! Oh wait. Forget the last thing I said."
Posted by: Trout Almondine | August 28, 2007 1:04 PM
"Looks round to me. Yep, I'd say it's a wheel. I'll just sit here. You go around the other side and see if you can make it do whatever it does."
Posted by: The Mullet | August 28, 2007 1:09 PM
"Mr. Vice President? You're 10 a.m. is here. Shall I send him in?
Posted by: al in la | August 28, 2007 1:13 PM
"I dunno. We were eating the sacred berries, preparing for the hunt, and I thought I prayed for a giant gnu."
Posted by: Rubrick | August 28, 2007 2:10 PM
"I'm guessing whoever this belongs to dropped it and ran off when they saw the volcano erupting."
Posted by: stcoleridge | August 28, 2007 2:31 PM
"This will look good in my garage."
Posted by: stcoleridge | August 28, 2007 2:33 PM
"Well, your mom's hole was bigger, and I fucked that okay."
Posted by: D-Mac | August 28, 2007 2:55 PM
Mine is bigger.
Posted by: Matt | August 28, 2007 2:57 PM
"Wow! We just invented the first big-ass gun!"
Posted by: Ed C | August 28, 2007 3:09 PM
This gun tip is delicious.
Posted by: MoBuck | August 28, 2007 3:15 PM
"Look! We've just discovered the unsuccessful juxtaposition of comic devices!"
Posted by: Ed C | August 28, 2007 3:39 PM
"I know it's dark in there, but if you squint, you can just barely see mankind's timeless fascination with violent, phallic imagery."
Posted by: Ed C | August 28, 2007 3:43 PM
Post apocalyptic cockroach census here. Could you guys please stop scurrying for a minute?
Posted by: klh | August 28, 2007 4:47 PM
Mirror Mirror on wall, who fairest of all?
Posted by: JP | August 28, 2007 5:02 PM
Here, kitty kitty kitty...
Posted by: JP | August 28, 2007 5:03 PM
"Boiling hot in summer, freezing cold in winter...no, this just won't do."
Posted by: Michael in la | August 28, 2007 5:53 PM
"You're dirty, hairy!"
Posted by: Greg | August 28, 2007 6:57 PM
"It's a promotional piece for a future record by the Beatles."
Posted by: Greg | August 28, 2007 6:59 PM
"I've got a big gun... biggun..big one...get it?"
Posted by: Greg | August 28, 2007 7:03 PM
"Society exists to control man's base instincts toward violence. Yet a biproduct of the very progress that improves the human condition is the creation of unimaginably dangerous weapons. As man's base instincts can never be fully restrained, the progression from savagery to civilization can be metaphorically seen as a crawl down the barrel of a giant gun, which, inevitably, will go off, destroying mankind forever."
Posted by: John Tabin | August 28, 2007 7:04 PM
All political power emanates from this barrel, Droog.
John, Paul are you in there? Is this the Revolver album?
Posted by: Louie | August 28, 2007 7:11 PM
"No lubrication necessary- now that's what I call a 'hole.'"
Posted by: Michael in la | August 28, 2007 7:36 PM
Signal Annie and tell her to come get this.
Go get the robotic camera...I can't see a dang thing.
Something tells me this cave won't support life.
Posted by: Amy | August 28, 2007 7:51 PM
"After learning to control fire, Man attempts to control firearm."
Posted by: Brian L | August 28, 2007 7:54 PM
"Listen, Og, go back and look in my garage for my cell phone, so I can call that motorcycle cop and have this giant gun taken care of."
Posted by: Joshua | August 28, 2007 8:06 PM
"So, Grug... I have heard you tell how my spear looks like a small dildo to you, huh? Be honest... Does this make me look like I am self conscience and over-compensating?"
"Damn, we were drawn out of perspective again!"
Posted by: Johnny V | August 28, 2007 8:14 PM
Sorry Thor, you lost. I get to crawl in the gun to die, you've got to go the volcano.
Posted by: Emily Mil | August 28, 2007 11:06 PM
"Me think it a GUNT!"
Posted by: PO w/da BO | August 29, 2007 12:06 AM
Lets shoot the nose face off the Sphinx.
Posted by: Lame | August 29, 2007 12:38 AM
Lets shoot the nose off the Sphinx.
Posted by: god i suck | August 29, 2007 12:39 AM
The Pashtuns of Kandahar are a lovable people.
Posted by: Curtis Granderson | August 29, 2007 12:52 AM
“It says ‘The end is closer than it appears.’”
Posted by: dwilk | August 29, 2007 7:16 AM
I'm impressed that the barrel of this gun is hollow all the way through. You truly are the greatest sand sculptor of all time, Frank. But you're insistence on building these things in the middle of the dessert, rather than at the beach where all the competitions are held, means that your talents will never get the attention they deserve.
Posted by: Jesse | August 29, 2007 9:20 AM
You know Thag, I can't help thinking that if Gary Larson had drawn this, it would be funny.
Posted by: therblig | August 29, 2007 10:00 AM
"Call me a son of a gun! Two of the real-world finalists for the recent 'robot in the hospital' caption contest are minor variations of the exact same joke. I guess that kind of thing can happen when there are only 6000 entries."
Posted by: mypalmike | August 29, 2007 11:59 AM
"Keep pushing honey! Keep pushing! I can see its whole head now. It looks like a boy... Well son of a gun!"
Posted by: mypalmike | August 29, 2007 12:10 PM
"Well...Maybe instead of making one really big one, we make millions of little ones. This way people can carry one around with them and we'll all be safer and more secure."
Posted by: al in la | August 29, 2007 12:38 PM
I know that Park Slope is expensive, but I have to crawl to get in. Can you come down to $1450?
Posted by: Charles | August 29, 2007 3:41 PM
"The guns here are obscene...ly large."
"Christ, what a pistol."
Posted by: John Tabin | August 30, 2007 2:48 AM
"I don't know what it is. Do you know what it is?"
Posted by: Joshua | August 30, 2007 4:08 AM
"I'm on my hands and knees begin' ya--Don't Shoot"
Posted by: dwilk | August 30, 2007 7:15 AM
"Then she says to the genie, 'For my third wish, make my wimpy husband a real caveman with a great big weapon.'"
Posted by: Richard | August 30, 2007 7:55 AM
Has the Society for Creative Anachronisms been invented yet? What about the NRA? Or the North American Man-Boy Love Association??! God, I'm so confused.
Posted by: SK | August 30, 2007 9:31 AM
My guess is Giganticide. If we can just locate the corpse, the tribe can gnaw on it through the winter, with enough left over in the spring to open a cozy little roadside diner.
Posted by: SK | August 30, 2007 9:44 AM
Am I a caveman dreaming I'm looking at a giant gun, or am I a giant gun dreaming I'm looking at a tiny caveman?
Posted by: SK | August 30, 2007 9:48 AM
"Regardless of the local concealed carry laws, I don't think we can effectively a) carry, or b) conceal this thing."
Posted by: Chris | August 30, 2007 11:25 AM
"I appreciate your concern... but as a right-wing bible-thumping family-values conservative up for election next year, what possible harm could come from me trolling for gay sex in a public place? I'm going in."
Posted by: al in la | August 30, 2007 3:59 PM
"I am calling it that because it is the kind of hole that one may put corn into. Is this a problem for you?"
Posted by: RichM | August 30, 2007 8:12 PM
"Tell me, why is it you keep touching my foot with yours?"
Posted by: RichM | August 30, 2007 8:17 PM
Wow, you're right! The outline of the barrel is intact right up... until... here... and then the very matter of the gun vanishes into ... what? Geez, Fred, this is important. Get on your cell phone and call my assistant and have her call the Physics department. Oh, and get me the kit from the car; I want to take a sample.
Posted by: JP | August 31, 2007 1:47 AM
What the hell are you doing in there, Radosh ... pulling your trigger?
Avon calling.
This is a great place to hold our spear club meetings?
Posted by: OldDee | August 31, 2007 7:55 AM
Are you thinking what I'm thinking? :::rough caveman sex ensues:::
"What's that, floating spearhead? Take him from behind? Don't mind if I do." :::rough caveman sex ensues:::
How did this large gun from the future get here? :::rough caveman sex ensues:::
Posted by: MoBuck | August 31, 2007 9:51 AM
I'm going to put the "evolve" in "revolver!"
Posted by: kejo | August 31, 2007 1:25 PM
Oh, and :::rough caveman sex ensues:::
Posted by: kejo | August 31, 2007 1:34 PM
Oh no, wait, I've got it:
I'll put the "evolve" in "revolver" if you'll put the "rear" in "firearm!"
and THEN
:::rough caveman sex ensues:::
Posted by: kejo | August 31, 2007 1:47 PM
Good thing I practice safe sex!
Posted by: John | August 31, 2007 5:16 PM
"You are right Ug, the 3 mountains make a sillouette that looks like Sheena when she is laying down naked, face up, and her left tit is on fire.... But, hey look... a really big gun!"
Posted by: Johnny V | August 31, 2007 7:52 PM
There have been times when I could have really used one of these things. But I haven't seen a Mastadon around here for years.
Posted by: SK | September 1, 2007 10:29 AM
It's not a barrel of laughs. It's not a barrel of monkeys. Color me stumped.
I've never heard it called "pistol packin" before.
Posted by: Amy | September 1, 2007 3:40 PM
"Captain, it appears to be some type of primitive fire arm, most likely dropped by an extraordinarily large black man running from the police. He may return to retrieve his weapon. I suggest we beam up."
Posted by: al in la | September 1, 2007 4:51 PM
"Due to an anomoly in the time machine, it seems to have shrunk all the organic matter - incluindg ourselves, our caveman cosutmes, our spears (even the spearheads which are carved from bone) - while not shrinking the non-organic matter (i.e., the gun)."
Posted by: Richard | September 2, 2007 11:14 AM
"I think it says B-A-N-G!"
"First we wore caveman costumes to a formal wedding. Then we ate the cake that shrank us to the size of ants. And now here we are, seeking shelter from a live volcano. What else could possibly go wrong?”
An Allegorickal Depiktion of the honorable Senator Lawrence Craig in the Stall of a Men's Washroom
Posted by: David F | September 2, 2007 12:22 PM
"If we moved in, would we be gunmen?"
Posted by: David F | September 2, 2007 12:25 PM
"Is anyone in there food? No? Oh, okay, sorry to wake you up. God, Zeke, hunting is tough."
"Hi, Mr Craig? Hi, Dave and Pete here, cavemen. Hey, listen, we read on the internet you need a job. How do you feel about a spitroast? Good? Okay, super."
"I may be just a simple country caveman but I read the New Yorker enough to know the looming social disaster of lax gun laws when I see it. When will Washington, Oog, when will Washington?"
"Sorry about all the rape and abuse!"
Posted by: TG Gibbon | September 3, 2007 8:59 AM
"I guess some people really ARE against the idea of our sitcom..."
"Or, y'know, we could just wait until the volcano erupts..."
"Listen! You can hear an echo."
Posted by: freaky d'ted | September 3, 2007 10:45 AM
"Hey look, Frank Cotham not get memo -- draw object absurdly large OR displace in time, not both. Cotham only get second memo say volcanos continuously erupt in olden days."
Posted by: Joshua | September 3, 2007 10:48 AM
Can you imagine what the man who held this must have looked like? He'd have to be blacker than midnight!
Posted by: stavrogin | September 3, 2007 2:26 PM
"Just the thing to make people think I have a really, really big dick...I'll take it!"
Posted by: al in la | September 3, 2007 7:41 PM
"If the New Yorker runs one more caveman-themed caption contest, I'll fucking shoot myself."
Posted by: dean @ t.a.m.s.y. | September 4, 2007 1:15 AM
"Honey, I shrunk the kids. And blew up this gun. And sent us thousands of years into the future. Not necessarily in that order. And fucked your sister."
Posted by: dean @ t.a.m.s.y. | September 4, 2007 2:01 AM
"Ug. Uh mmmm agh muh gruh. Grarrrr."
Posted by: Francis | September 4, 2007 11:58 AM
No, Org, giant trilobite not in hole, it on shelf, over hole and beyond. Go get trilobite, then we have dinner.
Posted by: JP | September 4, 2007 11:17 PM
"Careful, you don't know what it had for dinner last night."
Posted by: scabbie1 | September 5, 2007 9:59 AM
"This may explain the enormous, dead hooker we saw yesterday."
Posted by: Matt | September 5, 2007 11:30 AM
"Gawd it takes SO long to get the winner of these caption contests!@!! Just shoot me already!"
Posted by: Johnny V | September 5, 2007 1:31 PM
Son of a bitch, gettin paid gettin rich.
Posted by: Sir Stewart | September 6, 2007 9:33 AM
Staring down the barrel of a pun.
Posted by: Scott | September 6, 2007 12:43 PM
I think a policeman dropped it; isn't this near where Big Og was arrested for speeding?
Posted by: stcoleridge | September 6, 2007 2:48 PM
No, Ogg, No food in here either.
Posted by: Marvinator | September 7, 2007 9:13 AM
You damn dirty Charlton Hestons!
Posted by: DrBear | September 7, 2007 9:43 AM
"Okay, Mr. Radosh. Come out right now and judge this freakin' caption contest before I have to go in there and club your scrawny little ass!"
Posted by: The Mullet | September 7, 2007 1:43 PM
Dan and Ger, amazed to see something so primitive, decided to have a closer look.
Posted by: trehberg | September 7, 2007 2:18 PM
"Cro-magnon is as far as I'll go."
Posted by: sslabo | November 11, 2007 6:12 PM
"Off hand I'd say it's Big Foot's."
Posted by: sslabo | November 11, 2007 6:16 PM