The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #110
Submit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon. Click here for details. Click here to see last week's results.
Winner
"It seems incredibly unfair to me that a lifeless dummy gets to ride in a wheelchair while we humans are forced to walk." —Meatbomb
Finalists
"Who's going to pay for my brick wall, asshole? " —Charles
"I hear the nurse screws him all night long." —David F
Honorable mention
"Poor bastard was hit with an IED in Fallujah. If it was Nam he'd be dead." —al in la
"Dr. Siegel cut off the wrong damn leg again. Luckily, this time it was a dummy. So, no harm done." —Eric
"Wanna know why cars cost so much, Brandon? I'll tell ya why. They just performed Tommy John surgery on a fucking dummy, THAT'S WHY!" —dwilk
"They can't see me, Norman. No one can see me but you. It's time we talked about the deal we made. You got your beautiful wife, your beautiful house, you've had your perfect life. Now I get what's mine; your soul, Norman, give me your soul." —stavrogin
"Ca... Carol. Carol? Is that you? Bring me my loafers, Carol, I need to move the car. The car, the car, the car, the... its double parked, Carol. Doub-uble-uble- parked. 'Uble parked the car, Carol... Parked. Carol? No no, no, no no. NO. NO. I need Carol... You're that...the one with the pills. And the pudding. Terrible. What is that thing, ugly lady?... Carol? Wha...wh... where am I?" —Adam
Winners (geek division)
"Don't blame me, I voted for Roslyn." —TG Gibbon
"Frankly, I had expected a little more from Skynet." —therblig
"I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tanhauser Gate. All those ... moments will be lost in time, like tears...in rain. Time to die." —DirectorsCut
Comments
"She's a nurse now? I wondered what happened to Sally Jesse Raphael."
"You shoulda gone easier on him- I mean, you're a black belt for crisake."
Posted by: LV | August 13, 2007 9:32 AM
"Fuck you, dummy."
Posted by: Francis | August 13, 2007 9:34 AM
"Hey! You don't need a crash test dummy, I can tell you from here that wheelchair isn't safe -- the axles are way off center."
Posted by: Francis | August 13, 2007 9:36 AM
"Kinda makes you stop and think about whether it's worth replacing your body with robotic parts, doesn't it?"
Posted by: Francis | August 13, 2007 9:38 AM
"I always hated that band."
Posted by: jim M | August 13, 2007 9:41 AM
“Why is that mannequin all bandaged up and riding in a wheelchair? Is this some kind of joke?”
“I hear he’s a combat vet, poor bastard.”
“It looks like another mannequin-bashing incident. God help us. They’re transferring him to the Wonka Puppet Hospital and Burn Ward now.”
Posted by: Deborah | August 13, 2007 9:59 AM
"I understand that they used the Evrolet model's corneas as hubcaps on his wheelchair."
Posted by: Tim H | August 13, 2007 10:00 AM
"Fucking immigrants."
"That's the freak who killed my wife."
"Don't blame me, I voted for Roslyn."
"He gets shut up and forgotten in this derelict hospital and the bitch who got his limbs gets her own tv show."
"Stop ogling, Randolph! it's dehumanizing."
Posted by: TG Gibbon, an immigrant | August 13, 2007 10:17 AM
Frankly, I had expected a little more from Skynet.
Posted by: therblig | August 13, 2007 10:18 AM
"You should see the other guy!"
Posted by: gary | August 13, 2007 10:22 AM
"I'm killing myself tomorrow."
Posted by: Chereth | August 13, 2007 10:55 AM
It looks like you have some Lorenz leaking from your anus.
Posted by: therblig | August 13, 2007 10:58 AM
This is a frickin' cyborg hospital? Crikey! I think they put motor oil in my IV!
I think that's a neo-nazi symbol on his head!
Hey Threepio! Where's your little "friend?"
If he doesn't make it, can I have his bionic cock?
Posted by: kejo | August 13, 2007 11:05 AM
"Damn NBC and their Bionic Woman viral marketing."
Posted by: Dan McCoy | August 13, 2007 11:09 AM
"They say you can learn a lot from a dummy, but that one just keeps whining about his multiple car accidents."
Posted by: Dan McCoy | August 13, 2007 11:12 AM
"Who's the dummy in the wheelchair?"
Posted by: Deborah | August 13, 2007 11:31 AM
"I hate it when the chicks fall for dummies."
"Holy shit! What happened to that guys head?"
"I always end up at the hospitals with the ugliest nurses."
"No one ever tells me when it's silly hat day."
Posted by: Harry | August 13, 2007 11:36 AM
I told you universal health care was going to bankrupt this country.
Posted by: 99 | August 13, 2007 11:41 AM
"These walking transfusions make me tired."
"Walter Reed did a great job adding a prosthetic body to only an arm and leg. Of course, the VA won't cover any batteries, maintenance or software updates."
Posted by: LV | August 13, 2007 12:05 PM
"Somebody took his 'Orthopedic Surgery For Dummies' a bit too literally."
Posted by: JohnnyB | August 13, 2007 12:40 PM
"When will Evel Knieval give it up?"
"His wife and three kids all died in the accident."
"The surgery cost him an arm and a leg."
Posted by: Anonymous | August 13, 2007 12:49 PM
oops - those anonymous ones:
August 13, 2007 12:49 PM
That was me.
Posted by: JohnnyB | August 13, 2007 12:50 PM
"Fuck, I just crapped my pants. Hey nurse, cleanup on aisle 'me'!"
Posted by: JohnnyB | August 13, 2007 12:56 PM
"Is that an erection against your leg or am I just happy to see you?"
Posted by: dean @ t.a.m.s.y. | August 13, 2007 12:57 PM
"Looks like he was in a car accident, which would fit in with my theory that he's a crash test dummy."
Posted by: Ed C | August 13, 2007 1:01 PM
"You're right, it does look like insurance fraud. Maybe you should do a segment about it on 'Sixty Minutes', Mr. Rooney."
Posted by: mypalmike | August 13, 2007 1:14 PM
"That's another reason why if I had to be a dummy, I'd be a ventriloquist's dummy. Mainly though, I just enjoy having a guy's hand up my ass."
Posted by: Ed C | August 13, 2007 1:15 PM
"Fucking doctors don’t read. He was suppose to be decaffeinated!”
Posted by: dwilk | August 13, 2007 1:37 PM
"Well, no, you can't call him 'handicapped.' It defines him entirely in negative terms. And 'handi-capable' was always just too patronizing. No, these days we prefer the term, 'attractive and successful cripple.'"
Posted by: mypalmike | August 13, 2007 1:37 PM
"It might pay better than Volvo, but his health has really suffered since he took that job at Harley Davidson."
Posted by: mypalmike | August 13, 2007 2:03 PM
Given the laws of entropy, that metal leg fracture should heal in about 4 billion years.
Posted by: klh | August 13, 2007 2:31 PM
That's what I'm going to look like if my son and daughter-in-law find out I defrosted their embryos to get this bag of stem cells. But I do need that new liver and they'd make shitty parents anyway.
Posted by: therblig | August 13, 2007 2:34 PM
I know these dummies are supposed to be anatomically correct, but did they have to install a Doc Johnson vibrating dildo on his crotch? Well, I guess if they wanted to study crash-induced groin injuries. Ah, I'm just getting old.
Posted by: kejo | August 13, 2007 2:45 PM
"That's the nurse who, when I said 'I'm Walter Matthau and this is Jack Lemon-- wanna be able to tell your friends you blew the original Odd Couple?' had the nerve to say 'Who?' Fucking bitch."
Posted by: Rubrick | August 13, 2007 2:48 PM
"Doesn't surprise me one bit. Those dummies crash every time they get behind the wheel."
Posted by: The Mullet | August 13, 2007 3:56 PM
"I've never seen the Head Nurse wheeling a patient, but, in this case, I guess it makes sense."
Posted by: Tim H | August 13, 2007 3:58 PM
"Look at that. A wheelchair AND a hot, young nurse...you know he doesn't have Medicare."
Posted by: The Mullet | August 13, 2007 4:01 PM
"Dummy driver! If it weren't for this catheter and piss bag, I'd take a whiz right on him."
Posted by: The Mullet | August 13, 2007 4:03 PM
"I understand he's the new kicker for the Jets. Thank God he's right-footed."
Posted by: Tim H | August 13, 2007 4:03 PM
"Take a gander at that robotic-looking thing. And what's that she's pushing?"
Posted by: Tim H | August 13, 2007 4:08 PM
"That Dick Cheney's a real inspiration..."
Posted by: The Mullet | August 13, 2007 4:09 PM
"Little known fact: His last wish is to see Jerry Lewis's masterpiece The Day the Clown Cried before he dies."
Posted by: Tim H | August 13, 2007 4:22 PM
“Stop ogling that nurse and get your mind back on the job. We’ve been assigned to go undercover and find out who has been pilfering prosthetics and sneaking them out of the hospital.”
Posted by: Richard | August 13, 2007 4:26 PM
"The Special Olympics can be a bitch."
Posted by: jim M | August 13, 2007 4:37 PM
"Papa's got a brand new colostomy bag."
Posted by: jim M | August 13, 2007 4:39 PM
"That Nurse Rached turns 'em into a robot every time."
Posted by: jim M | August 13, 2007 4:44 PM
"I don't care how messed up Lee Majors over there is, if he got to put it to Farrah, he's a lucky man."
Posted by: jim M | August 13, 2007 4:53 PM
I am C93-XT. I have been brutally raped. Beep Blorp.
Who is the stupid crippled dummy now?
Mortimer, Looks like you've been replaced with the Dildobot 2000.
Posted by: MOBUCK | August 13, 2007 4:54 PM
Hey, Locutus! I got your collective right here!
Posted by: therblig | August 13, 2007 5:02 PM
"Well, yabba dabba frickin' doo, Barney. Look who's here...Mr. George 'I'm oh so advanced' Jetson."
Posted by: The Mullet | August 13, 2007 5:02 PM
"What the hell is that?"
Posted by: John Tabin | August 13, 2007 5:15 PM
"His wife caught him fucking CPR Annie."
Posted by: Ed C | August 13, 2007 5:33 PM
"You better not have crashed into MY car you filthy little fuck!"
Posted by: Ed C | August 13, 2007 5:41 PM
Why the hell don't we ever get a male nurse on this floor?
She's the airbag to his wheelchair.
Crash dummy humor makes me sick.
Posted by: Amy | August 13, 2007 6:22 PM
"Hey, be honest... Do these new glasses make me look mean?"
"I can't wait until they discover a way to surgically shorten my grotesque long left arm!"
"Crap! That was my car he was driving!!"
Posted by: Johnny V | August 13, 2007 6:53 PM
Poor Karl...DNR all the way..
Posted by: simsburybear | August 13, 2007 7:20 PM
“The jury found the car maker was willfully negligent. That bastard’s fixed for life.”
(I'm sure I've seen variations of that joke before. I think it's the "thongbird" equivalent for this illustration.)
Posted by: Richard | August 13, 2007 9:18 PM
“Yeah, he’s got decent care, but you should see his co-pay.”
Posted by: Richard | August 13, 2007 9:19 PM
"Yesterday she was wheeling around a toaster oven. Either she's gone mad or...uh oh. My fucking kids told me they were sending me in for hip replacement!"
Posted by: Shawn | August 13, 2007 11:15 PM
Out of the way! The baby will be here any minute!
Posted by: Emily Mil | August 14, 2007 12:09 AM
"All my parts suck, but at least they are all my parts"
Posted by: CatL | August 14, 2007 12:37 AM
"They can't see me, Norman. No one can see me but you. It's time we talked about the deal we made. You got your beautiful wife, your beautiful house, you've had your perfect life. Now I get what's mine; your soul, Norman, give me your soul."
Posted by: stavrogin | August 14, 2007 12:38 AM
"Let me guess...I was in a coma and they replaced Bush and Cheney with Michael Moore and Ralph Nader."
Posted by: al in la | August 14, 2007 1:18 AM
"The healing powers here are extreme."
Posted by: al in la | August 14, 2007 1:41 AM
Man, that's high tech, except for the giant onion bagel wheels.
Posted by: Chris | August 14, 2007 9:11 AM
Hey Baby, wanna see how a wheel man goes in for surgery? HA - WHEEL man! Get it? He's in a wheel chair. Hahaha. Oh Karl, hold me.
Posted by: KB | August 14, 2007 11:43 AM
Dude - he doesn't have eyes so he can't see you. Five bucks if you grab a Sharpie and write "Thanks for the Blowjob!" along with a fake phone number on his legcast.
Posted by: KB | August 14, 2007 11:51 AM
Holy Cow!
Posted by: Kathy H | August 14, 2007 11:57 AM
It's a thighborg
Posted by: Anonymous | August 14, 2007 1:14 PM
"It's a castaway casting call!" cackled Carl as he cast his corneas toward the cast on the cast iron robot's calf.
Posted by: mypalmike | August 14, 2007 1:48 PM
"The good news is, I'm doing the nurse."
Posted by: MrMoonPie | August 14, 2007 2:04 PM
I hope it's got a good impersonal injury attorney.
Posted by: therblig | August 14, 2007 2:44 PM
"I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tanhauser Gate. All those ... moments will be lost in time, like tears...in rain. Time to die."
Posted by: DirectorsCut | August 14, 2007 3:09 PM
"Heard he tried skiing the slopes at Weyerhauser."
Posted by: dwilk | August 14, 2007 8:14 PM
Ralph Fiennes doesn't look like himself today.
Posted by: Elad | August 14, 2007 8:17 PM
I bet he doesn't have a mean bone in his body!
Even a crash dummy isn't safe from Lindsay Lohan's reckless driving!
Posted by: jokster | August 14, 2007 10:12 PM
"He's a transfer from FORD (Fix Or Repair Dummies) Hospital."
Posted by: jokster | August 14, 2007 10:45 PM
"It seems incredibly unfair to me that a lifeless dummy gets to ride in a wheelchair while we humans are forced to walk."
Posted by: Meatbomb | August 15, 2007 3:14 AM
"His head is a clip on... In fact ALL of him is a clip on!"
"The demand for safer wheelchairs... Face it. It's bullshit, Karl."
"If the crash dummy ended up here, that means Martin is in some body shop getting a quart of 10/40 funnelled up his ass."
Posted by: Johnny V | August 15, 2007 6:59 AM
"Poor bastard was hit with an IED in Fallujah. If it was Nam he'd be dead."
Posted by: al in la | August 15, 2007 12:54 PM
Comment: therblig, you should enter the "impersonal injury attorney" one in the real contest.
Posted by: mypalmike | August 15, 2007 1:15 PM
Comment: [sheepishly] I already did. Thx
Posted by: therblig | August 15, 2007 1:57 PM
Props to Meatbomb- his entry elicits the same melacholic empathy as Pareene's classic anti-joke about tragic consequences as string quartet meets monster truck.
"Hey Nurse Magoo, forget that gimp dummy and get over here stat- I feel like shit 'cause you hooked up my colostomy bag as an IV!"
Posted by: LV | August 15, 2007 2:01 PM
Ugh, fucking blind leading the blind! That's what's wrong with this hospital!
Posted by: MZ | August 15, 2007 2:03 PM
"The poor bastard probably doesn't even realize that today's a holy day of obligation."
Posted by: Kathy H | August 15, 2007 3:02 PM
"The good news is that he's been named in Brooke Astor's will. The bad news is that she left him a 1973 AMC Gremlin
Posted by: Kathy H | August 15, 2007 3:30 PM
"Doesn't Nursie there know that at that angle that wheelchair is rendered ergonomically untenable? Sheesh!"
Posted by: Kathy H | August 15, 2007 3:39 PM
"I understand that they had to order his sling special from Singapore."
Posted by: Kathy H | August 15, 2007 4:46 PM
"You think that is strange?!... The nurse's name is Ann Droid!!!"
Posted by: Johnny V | August 15, 2007 7:06 PM
"That's Michael Jackson in ten years."
Posted by: CatL | August 15, 2007 8:39 PM
"Yeah, but doesn't his suit fit great on him."
Posted by: Greg | August 15, 2007 10:16 PM
"They say he lost his license and had to kick the cars instead."
Posted by: Greg | August 15, 2007 10:24 PM
"He puts his pants on one leg at a time like....., never mind."
Posted by: dwilk | August 16, 2007 7:27 AM
"What a pussy."
Posted by: Michael in LA | August 16, 2007 12:08 PM
"Hey, that reminds me of the time I saw a guy in a wheelchair with a broken leg, and he called me a dummy, and then I broke his arm."
Posted by: Ed C | August 16, 2007 6:15 PM
"Wanna know why cars cost so much, Brandon? I'll tell ya why. They just performed Tommy John surgery on a fucking dummy, THAT'S WHY!"
Posted by: dwilk | August 16, 2007 8:49 PM
"That kind of injury's nothing. They'll probably send him back to Baghdad by the end of the year."
"Personally, I think they're both hot and I'd do 'em both."
Posted by: RichM | August 16, 2007 9:07 PM
"Rectum? It nearly killed 'im!"
Posted by: Johnny SLC | August 17, 2007 3:02 AM
"He got off easy. He said he'd give an arm a leg to drive a jag."
Posted by: C@L | August 17, 2007 4:10 AM
"I hear the nurse screws him all night long."
"Either I'm NUTS, or he's got a couple of loose SCREWS!"
Posted by: David F | August 17, 2007 9:40 AM
"Why bring a crash test dummy to the hospital? Why not just throw it away?"
Posted by: Eric | August 17, 2007 10:06 AM
"Dr. Siegel cut off the wrong damn leg again. Luckily, this time it was a dummy. So, no harm done."
Posted by: Eric | August 17, 2007 10:08 AM
"I told you Obama's healthcare plan didn't make any sense, but nooooo."
Posted by: Eric | August 17, 2007 10:11 AM
"Don't be fooled by her sweet, innocent face: she's got the biggest stash this side of the Mississippi. We're gonna party later."
Posted by: Michael in LA | August 17, 2007 11:48 AM
"Isn't that the one who wrote Workman's Comp for Dummies?"
Posted by: al in la | August 17, 2007 1:00 PM
"She's really going to be surprised and embarrassed when she realizes she's been wheeling around a crash test dummy."
Posted by: Brian | August 17, 2007 2:12 PM
"Ca... Carol. Carol? Is that you? Bring me my loafers, Carol, I need to move the car. The car, the car, the car, the... its double parked, Carol. Doub-uble-uble- parked. 'Uble parked the car, Carol... Parked. Carol? No no, no, no no. NO. NO. I need Carol... You're that...the one with the pills. And the pudding. Terrible. What is that thing, ugly lady?... Carol? Wha...wh... where am I?"
Posted by: Adam | August 17, 2007 2:57 PM
I wooden want to be him!
Posted by: Anonymous | August 17, 2007 3:26 PM
That's the "nanobot" they tried to send up my colon!
Posted by: kejo | August 17, 2007 3:52 PM
Who's going to pay for my brick wall, asshole?
Posted by: Charles | August 17, 2007 3:52 PM
Don’t tell Michael Moore, but GM pays all his hospital bills.
Posted by: GilbertBob | August 17, 2007 6:34 PM
"Jesus, his nuts are hanging out!"
Posted by: BA | August 17, 2007 8:14 PM
"Here's some late breaking news for you fella, crash test dummies should not ski."
Posted by: BA | August 17, 2007 8:38 PM
"Hey brainless, what were you thinking...excuse me NOT thinking as you were speeding off to see the Wizard to get a brain? That you could loosen yourself up with WD40, let Dorothy blow you and still stay on the right side of the yellow brick road?"
Posted by: N-R-2 | August 17, 2007 8:58 PM
"Hey schmuck, you know you're gonna have problems going through the metal detector? Next time be a little nicer so they don't beat the shit out of you."
Posted by: N-R-2 | August 17, 2007 9:07 PM
"You know, that cyborg was one of the original Clique Girlz back in 2007. If I'da known she was a robot, my life would have ended up differently, Hank."
Posted by: JP | August 17, 2007 9:19 PM
"That's what they malpractice on."
Posted by: N-R-2 | August 17, 2007 9:27 PM
09:14 AM
Posted by: Chris | August 18, 2007 12:52 AM
"Stand back. Once she gets up to three miles an hour, you don't want to be between that chair and this wall."
Posted by: Joshua | August 18, 2007 12:59 AM
"Hey- that's Christian Bale!"
Posted by: Michael in LA | August 18, 2007 3:54 PM
"She's gonna have to go faster to slam hom into the nurse's station!"
Posted by: Greg | August 18, 2007 9:05 PM
Better yet...."She's gonna have to go faster to slam HIM into the nurse's station!"
Posted by: Greg | August 18, 2007 9:07 PM
"Classic Munchausen."
Posted by: Levijk | August 19, 2007 4:19 AM
I hate it when the doctor makes a simple mistake like taking off a head instead on an infected foot...
Posted by: Brian L | August 19, 2007 5:01 AM
"My daughter died because her HMO denied her an operation she needed."
Posted by: Richard | August 19, 2007 3:43 PM
"I knew his old man -- now there was a dummy that could take a punch. This next generation, they crush like a '62 Corvair. I'll bet it was self-inflicted. Pussy."
Posted by: Dex | August 19, 2007 8:07 PM
"Well, so what - who goes 30 miles per hour in a wheelchair anyhow?"
Posted by: stcoleridge | August 23, 2007 2:53 PM
"Animal-Mineral....but 'Vegetable'."
Posted by: Sam L. | April 12, 2008 2:44 PM