The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #106
Submit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon. Click here for details. Click here to see last week's results.
Winner
"Dear Mrs. Miller,
The U.S. Military regrets to inform you that your son, Sergeant Bradley Miller, was killed in the act of duty..." Brian L
Finalists
"Well, Koko hardly ever blurbs so just be thankful for 'Sleep nose nipple stupid!' and get over it." Kevin Guilfoile
"'Got your keys?' What does that m..." Charles
Honorable mention
"If I wanted Shakespeare I would have asked for Shakespeare! Now get back to that random crap." Matt S
“It’s not Shakespeare, but at least you’ve stopped defecating on the typewriter.” GilbertBob
"Don't bother writing home. This letter says your mother was killed in an elephant stampede. I'm so sorry." JohnnyB
"'Please send me back to the jungle I miss my children'? Oh, Bobo silly Bobo your children were poached for their delicious brains." dean @ t.a.m.s.y.
"You are one ugly old fucker, Mr. Mailer, but goddamn if you don't still know how to make one word go after another!" TG Gibbon
"Your finest work yet, Mr. Vidal." HarshestMimzy
"Pix the pucking typewriter, puckwad." Shawn
Comments
"'Five Monkeys in Search of a Novel.' I like it."
Posted by: Tim H | July 16, 2007 10:02 AM
Ber. Who's there?
Fran. Nay, answer me. Stand and unfold yourself.
Ber. Long live the King!
Fran. Bernardo?
Ber. He.
Fran. You come most carefully upon your hour.
Ber. 'Tis now struck twelve. Get thee to bed, Francisco.
Fran. For this relief much thanks. 'Tis bitter cold,
And I am sick at heart.
Posted by: Jim M | July 16, 2007 10:05 AM
Three carbon copies, that's what I said...do it over! What the fuck do you mean "isn't there an easier way to do this?"? Who have you been talking too? Now type!
Posted by: simsburybear | July 16, 2007 10:06 AM
"The Tragedy of Hamler", well, you're almost there.
Posted by: therblig | July 16, 2007 10:07 AM
"'It was the best of time it was the blurst of times?' Goddamnit! I'm not paying you to write old Simpsons scripts!...Or are I?"
"According to this invoice and my tie this cartoon was first rejected by the New Yorker in 1971."
"Yes, I see you've filled out your complaint in triplicate but you've failed to have each copy individually notarized by the secretary of the de-funding committee. Better luck next time. Now then, open wide and let's have a look at that hippocampus!"
"You are one ugly old fucker, Mr. Mailer, but goddamn if you don't still know how to make one word go after another!"
Posted by: TG Gibbon | July 16, 2007 10:11 AM
“These are exceptional, Vance. Have you considered submitting to that other contest?”
Posted by: jackass | July 16, 2007 10:15 AM
The MIT Drama Guild's production of David Ives' "All in the Timing: Six One-Act Comedies" features "Words, Words, Words," performed by real monkeys.
Posted by: Kristin MacDougall | July 16, 2007 10:31 AM
“Listen, you dumb monkey, stop complaining about carpal tunnel syndrome and start writing some more of those fucking sonnets.”
Posted by: GilbertBob | July 16, 2007 10:40 AM
“What’s this? ‘Ode to Gwyneth Paltrow.’ Now we’re getting somewhere.”
Posted by: GilbertBob | July 16, 2007 10:41 AM
“It’s not Shakespeare, but at least you’ve stopped defecating on the typewriter.”
Posted by: GilbertBob | July 16, 2007 10:41 AM
“More important, however, is what I learned about myself.”
Posted by: GilbertBob | July 16, 2007 10:43 AM
"Listen, I'm not asking you to be Shakespeare. But can you at least try and emulate the style of Francis Bacon?"
Posted by: GilbertBob | July 16, 2007 10:45 AM
"At last I have proof that a monkey could have written the script for Pirates of the Caribbean 3"
Posted by: GilbertBob | July 16, 2007 10:56 AM
"'All work and no play...' Very funny, Bongo. But it's off to Revlon with you."
Posted by: J | July 16, 2007 11:02 AM
"Another excellent State of the Union speech! I'll run it by Mr. Cheney and see whether he approves."
Posted by: Dave | July 16, 2007 11:03 AM
"I keep telling the president I need more time and more monkeys."
Posted by: J | July 16, 2007 11:07 AM
"In the future, let's leave out all the lurid stuff about you and Ms. Goodall, shall we?"
Posted by: Dave | July 16, 2007 11:09 AM
"Euripedes! Your margins are all wrong! Redo! Redo!"
Posted by: J | July 16, 2007 11:09 AM
"'Yu ar varry ugli dokter.' What? Are you implying that I'm a fruit?"
Posted by: Dave | July 16, 2007 11:14 AM
"Where’s the evil? I don’t see no evil. Who’s gonna want to read this shit?”
Posted by: pistol whipped | July 16, 2007 11:22 AM
"Well, after 10 years of intensive research I've definitively confirmed my original hypothesis: radioactive typewriters do make monkeys uglier
Posted by: Dan McCoy | July 16, 2007 11:30 AM
"Damn it! You've left off the period and the terminal quotation mark on this post to Radosh's blog! Stupid monkey!"
Posted by: Dan McCoy | July 16, 2007 11:32 AM
Joyce didn't use a word processor, you stupid monkey.
How about, "James Patterson Presents Death in the Cage, by Bobo"? Would that make you happy?
You know, you have the strength of a full grown man, which means you could kick my bald, liver-lipped ass, so I have to assume the Blue Cross/Blue Shield is more than satisfactory.
Posted by: J Warner | July 16, 2007 11:32 AM
"I've given you water, I've fed you after midnight, but all you produce are fake rejection letters from the New Yorker? These wouldn't even be funny in McSweeney's."
Posted by: D | July 16, 2007 11:36 AM
If Bonzo could proofread worth shit, I'd have had a complete second draft for you by now.
Posted by: theophylact | July 16, 2007 11:43 AM
"'The Adventures of Larry Potter.' Way to go, Rollo -the kids are gonna go ape-shit over this!"
Posted by: Dave | July 16, 2007 11:44 AM
"I don't know much about chimp literature, but, dammit, I know what I like."
Posted by: Tim H | July 16, 2007 11:51 AM
"Don't bother writing home. This letter says your mother was killed in an elephant stampede. I'm so sorry."
"'I will not have sex with humans and start another pandemic.' Very good; just type that 9,999 more times."
Posted by: JohnnyB | July 16, 2007 11:55 AM
"Let's see...'To the Editor: How the hell do you expect a hard-working chimp to pony up two bits more for your so-called "Paper of Record" rag? I have asked my collegues to join me this afternoon in a mass crap on your poor excuse for a newspaper.' "
Posted by: Tim H | July 16, 2007 11:56 AM
"'Hello Muddah, hello, Faddah...' No, this will never leave Camp Granada, my friend."
Posted by: JohnnyB | July 16, 2007 11:57 AM
"Munkee Want Freedome." No, no, it's "A-P-E ape." Your taxonomy is almost as bad as your spelling.
Posted by: Arthur | July 16, 2007 12:28 PM
"All the world's a cage."
[or]
"All the world's a cage." No, no, it's "stage" you stupid monkey.
Posted by: Arthur | July 16, 2007 12:51 PM
" 'I hate my fellow captives -- from Chimpan A to Chimpan Z.' Funny, but fairly derivative."
Posted by: Tim H | July 16, 2007 12:55 PM
Arthur: "'All the world's a cage'?" (with the question mark and internal quotes) should be a winner in the actual contest.
Posted by: radosh | July 16, 2007 12:58 PM
"'I decided; I am the decider?' What kind of illiterate nonsense is this?"
"There's a typo here on page 12,038. You'll have to start over."
"Maybe you've technically met your obligations by the letter of the contract, but you've got another thing coming if you think you can just come in here and type the five words, 'The complete works of Shakespeare.'"
Posted by: mypalmike | July 16, 2007 1:11 PM
Daniel: OK, I submitted it, just as you suggested. If I get New Yorker spam, I will hold you responsible.
Posted by: Arthur | July 16, 2007 1:13 PM
Get your damn dirty ape paws off my keyboard!
Posted by: zebra | July 16, 2007 1:27 PM
"Oh great. 'FD99&JjjjjjjJjjkjjh'. I wonder if Chomsky had to do this kind of bullshit linguistics research when he was at grad school."
Posted by: mypalmike | July 16, 2007 1:48 PM
Very compelling arguments, but I'm going to suggest changing the title from "God make Monkey Good" to "In support of intelligent design".
Posted by: therblig | July 16, 2007 1:50 PM
"Dear TV Producers of Curious George:
While I applaud your efforts to bring quality educational TV to children in our nation, I must point out a huge error your show promotes. You repeatedly refer to character George as a 'monkey.' Nearly every voice-over after each episode begins, 'George is a monkey."
George has no tail. Monkeys have tails. George is an ape. From the way he's drawn, I would surmise he represents a baby gorilla or a full-grown chimpanzee. You are promoting miseducation. Won't you please think of the human children whose minds you are poisoning?
Sincerely,
Typing Specimen C17"
Posted by: Arthur Winer | July 16, 2007 1:55 PM
Way ahead of you, Art.
Posted by: radosh | July 16, 2007 1:59 PM
mypalmike: Lemme say what Daniel said to Arthur -- that you have a submission (the one about "The complete works of Shakespeare") that should be a contender for the real contest.
Posted by: kejo | July 16, 2007 2:02 PM
"You see, your feces comes out of this machine as a thin white sheet which feels paperlike and is entirely odorless. Now you can throw your poop around as much as you like without ruining the furniture."
Posted by: Francis | July 16, 2007 2:07 PM
"It’s either crude, babbling and illiterate, or the most sophisticated use of onomatopoeia since Homer’s Odyssey.”
Posted by: pistol whipped | July 16, 2007 2:08 PM
"I'm sorry, Slutwench would never agree to put her name on this one either. I guess she just won't post anything to Daniel Radosh's blog. I hope you're happy, Jojo."
Posted by: Francis | July 16, 2007 2:14 PM
"Winner
'Hey, I already called "No monkey balls!" Koko
Finalists
'Of course I'm into zoophilia!.' Jacko
[Hm. There's just some feces smeared on the page here.] Bananas McGee
Honorable mention
'Ooo Ooo Ooo Ooo WAAAH AAAH AAAH AAAH!.' Dr. Zaius"
Geez, Radosh. You're how far behind deadline in editing "The Week," and yet you've spent the last five hours judging this crap?
Posted by: kejo | July 16, 2007 2:41 PM
"Always scribble scribble scribble, eh, Mr. Chimpo?"
Posted by: TG Gibbon | July 16, 2007 2:51 PM
"This one about Stalin's penis is actually pretty funny, Mr. Kaplan."
"Another Huckapoo fan letter? Get back to work on the Shakespeare."
Posted by: JohnnyB | July 16, 2007 2:55 PM
"No, I absolutely refuse to wear a yellow hat."
Posted by: Jim M | July 16, 2007 3:16 PM
"Yep, these papers pretty much spell it all out - Murdoch is taking us over. But don't worry, I have a firm promise that he won't interfere with the quality or substance of our editorial page."
Posted by: Vance | July 16, 2007 3:17 PM
"'TWELVE PEOPLES by David Apes and Janet Apes'? Very interesting."
Posted by: Jim M | July 16, 2007 3:21 PM
"At this juncture, all I can do is quote from Strunk and White's The Elements of Style: 'Soulwise, these are trying times.' "
Posted by: Tim H | July 16, 2007 3:40 PM
"Good work, Jojo. I take back what I said about any monkey being able to do your job."
Posted by: Ed C | July 16, 2007 3:40 PM
Derivative.
Posted by: Dave | July 16, 2007 3:51 PM
"Now Stan, I went to bat for you big time because you're a friend of my wife's and you can type like a son of a bitch. So do me a favor, humor them and start wearing some pants."
Posted by: Ed C | July 16, 2007 3:57 PM
"'All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.'"
Posted by: Jim M | July 16, 2007 4:08 PM
"Why, that's not writing. That's typing."
Posted by: J | July 16, 2007 4:10 PM
“‘...So in America when the sun goes down and I set on the old broken-down river pier watching the long, long skies over New Jersey and sense all that raw land that rolls in one unbelievable huge bulge over to the West Coast, and all that road going, all the people dreaming in the immensity of it, and in Iowa I know by now the children must be crying in the land where they let the children cry, and tonight the stars’ll be out, and don’t you know that God is Pooh Bear? the evening star must be drooping and shedding her sparkler dims on the prairie, which is just before the coming of complete night that blesses the earth, darkens all rivers, cups the peaks and folds the final shore in, and nobody, nobody knows what’s going to happen to anybody besides the forlorn rags of growing old, I think of Dean Moriarity, I even think of Old Dean Moriarity the father we never found, I think of Dean Moriarity.’ Well! Whadda goooood munkey! Thazza sucha speshul munkey! Munkey wanna summin yummy yummy? ”
Posted by: J | July 16, 2007 4:16 PM
"Fascinating. When I began this study, I was sure there was a link between monkeys and pure evil. But I never thought it would turn out to be typewriters."
Posted by: Ed C | July 16, 2007 4:16 PM
"HA! This data finally proves my conjecture that given unlimited time and instruction on a typewriter, a group of monkeys will never, ever reach the point of hand-writing 'Gahan Wilson' on random flat surfaces."
Posted by: Vance | July 16, 2007 5:08 PM
"I'm sorry, but even though this article was your idea, it's against our policy to offer authors anything but work-for-hire contracts."
Posted by: Francis | July 16, 2007 5:17 PM
Nice work on this [i]Dodgeball 2[/i] script, Mr. Stiller, but I wish you'd put a shirt on because you're grossing me out!
Posted by: Tom | July 16, 2007 5:22 PM
Make that
Nice work on this Dodgeball 2 script, Mr. Stiller, but I wish you'd put a shirt on because you're grossing me out!
Posted by: Tom | July 16, 2007 5:23 PM
Rhesus Pieces? Y'know, that's actually pretty good . . .
Posted by: B2K | July 16, 2007 5:41 PM
"'Dear Michael, I miss you SSSSSSOOOOO much'?? Listen, Bubbles. Stop writing this crap. You're never going to see Neverland again."
Posted by: GilbertBob | July 16, 2007 6:38 PM
"OK, Cheetah, just three more FDA applications and then I'm going to have to sew your eyelids shut again."
Posted by: GilbertBob | July 16, 2007 6:40 PM
"I agree that you should write about what you know, but people can only read so many stories about monkeys."
Posted by: Ed C | July 16, 2007 6:44 PM
"'Here we come,
Walkin' down the street.
Get the funniest looks from,
Everyone we meet..'
I like where this is going, Davey."
Posted by: GilbertBob | July 16, 2007 7:05 PM
"I'll tell you why they throw excrement at you Jeffrey: you are right, part of it is jealousy. But for the most part, it's because they are monkeys."
Posted by: Ed C | July 16, 2007 7:13 PM
"Well, Bonzo, you make a very convincing argument that animal experimentation is cruel, morally objectionable and, for the most part, useless. Unfortunately, I'll have to kill you now."
Posted by: GilbertBob | July 16, 2007 7:24 PM
"In my day, it only took three monkeys to write a sitcom."
Posted by: Greg | July 16, 2007 8:12 PM
"Ok...finally finished..wait...who the hell is Buddy Sorrell?"
Posted by: Greg | July 16, 2007 8:14 PM
"'Headless Body in Topless Bar?' I like it. Now back to your cage."
"You call it 'Gigli?' Nice work. Now back to your cage."
"Nice work, K1613. Now back to your cage."
Posted by: Deborah | July 16, 2007 8:16 PM
"Well, it seemed like everything had been working fine until you decided to upgrade to Windows Vista."
Posted by: RichM | July 16, 2007 8:18 PM
"Next year's baseball schedule looks fine!"
Posted by: Greg | July 16, 2007 8:48 PM
Dear Professor,
Since we can't speak to each other and I can't hold a pen, I have built this typewriter to convey my feelings towards you.
You are far too skinny, your dome immense, and your suit too loose.
XOXO
Posted by: Brian L | July 16, 2007 9:17 PM
"Yes..., Mr. Moore's facts all seem to check out."
Posted by: pistol whipped | July 16, 2007 9:21 PM
Dear Mrs. Miller,
The U.S. Military regrets to inform you that your son, Sergeant Bradley Miller, was killed in the act of duty...
Posted by: Brian L | July 16, 2007 9:27 PM
"'im n ur litterachur empathizin with ur metafors?' Sorry, the cats already took that joke format. FAIL."
Posted by: Brian L | July 16, 2007 9:47 PM
"OK I admit you're curious. In fact you're all terribly curious, George. But the idea that this curiosity is somehow worthy of a series of children's books is ludicrous."
Posted by: LV | July 16, 2007 10:08 PM
Just keep in mind I'm only one monkey with one typewriter. So if you want any Shakespeare I'm going to need an infinite amount of caffeine.
Posted by: Walt | July 16, 2007 10:20 PM
"I think this brilliant manuscript will show all the world how gifted an author you are and get you released in spite of the fact that you and your friends ripped that guy's nose and genitals off."
Posted by: BA | July 16, 2007 10:50 PM
"Don't overthink it. Just hit the period key
so we can all get the hell out of this miserable stench."
Posted by: BA | July 16, 2007 10:58 PM
kejo: Thanks. Edited and entered.
Posted by: mypalmike | July 17, 2007 12:34 AM
This is shit. Real shit. Maybe you could type something instead.
Posted by: GilbertBob | July 17, 2007 6:13 AM
"It's exquisitely written and superbly crafted. I particularly love how you handled Beth's shoe crisis before her date with Matt. I think a lot of readers will relate to that. The thing is, I'm seeing a lot of work like this from the university writing programs right now. Do you think you could try something a little more 'high concept'?"
Posted by: GilbertBob | July 17, 2007 6:26 AM
"'Top 10 Reasons Why Having Your Brain Cut Open Sucks.' That's cute. But I think the whole 'top 10' thing is a bit overdone at this point, Eddie."
Posted by: GilbertBob | July 17, 2007 6:28 AM
South Korean Tourist Files Complaint With Indian Police After Eyeglasses Stolen by Monkey
07-17-2007 6:29 AM
LUCKNOW, India (Associated Press) -- A South Korean tourist has filed a formal complaint against a monkey he says stole his reading glasses during his visit to the Hindu holy city of Varanasi in northern India.
Kim Dang Hoon says he opened his hotel room window for fresh air when the monkey made his move.
"He headed straight to the table where my glasses were kept and took it away," Kim said in the statement.
Problems with monkeys harassing tourists in the city are common, Singh said.
"But we can't do anything. We cannot shoot them or beat them as Hindus worship monkeys," he said.
Posted by: Anonymous | July 17, 2007 6:57 AM
"'The Howlers here are obscene'. That would be funny if you weren't an ape."
Posted by: JohnnyB | July 17, 2007 7:32 AM
or "...That would be funny if you were monkeys instead of Apes."
Posted by: JohnnyB | July 17, 2007 7:33 AM
"I-just-swung-in-from-Boston-and-boy-are-my-arms-tired! Where do you get this stuff?"
Posted by: pistol whipped | July 17, 2007 7:36 AM
"Hey, Doc, I have a question. I write these scientific papers for you, you get millions in grant money...Why, then, do we have to work with outdated equipment and rusty cages and you get that sweet home in the Hamptons?"
Posted by: Johnny V | July 17, 2007 8:03 AM
"I'd ask you to get me a cup of coffee, doc, but where the fuck would I set it on this small-ass desk??!!... you fucking tight-wad? Sorry, I was up all night because Jojo in cage 7B not only snores but had terrible banana breath."
Posted by: Johnny V | July 17, 2007 8:07 AM
"I know it isn't funny... it's an 'ANTI-Caption'. Submit it anyway. Bobo's wasn't funny but he got the honorable mention in the Tarzan Cartoon 3 months ago."
Posted by: Johnny V | July 17, 2007 8:10 AM
"Hey, doc, I have to tell you this. I have problems looking at you straight on. It's your nose. It looks like a 12 year old's circumsized penis. There I said it."
Posted by: Johnny V | July 17, 2007 8:15 AM
"We really appreciate the confession, but I'm afraid you're still going to be here at Abu Ghraib for the rest of your life."
Posted by: Jim M | July 17, 2007 10:01 AM
This is an excellent novel! I was on the edge of my seat from page one! The character development was beyond compare and the beauty of your prose brought me repeatedly to tears. This novel is going to change the world and quite possibly alter the course of human social and political history. But yes, you are still getting dissected in the morning.
Posted by: Mssr. Bouf la Tete | July 17, 2007 10:17 AM
"Well, Koko hardly ever blurbs so just be thankful for 'Sleep nose nipple stupid!' and get over it."
Posted by: Kevin Guilfoile | July 17, 2007 10:39 AM
"Amazing, it only took you seventeen minutes to type 'Gahan Wilson cannot draw chimpanzees.'"
Posted by: thecitydesk | July 17, 2007 10:42 AM
"Amazing. You were able to type a handful of nonsense lines before succumbing to radiation poisoning. If this were 1987, and Matthew Broderick and Helen Hunt were still movie stars, we'd have to keep this a secret."
Posted by: Eric | July 17, 2007 10:55 AM
According to my research, all the monkeys in the cage are extremely jealous of the monkey allowed the freedom of a larger living space.
Who put this typewriter here in my monkey room!
Posted by: Jessica | July 17, 2007 10:59 AM
"It says here they've taught a chimp in 253 to operate that tricky iPhone keypad. You told me this experiment was a bad idea and you were completely right. Oh well, you'll all be gassed in an hour."
Posted by: Eric | July 17, 2007 11:01 AM
"Leeza Gibbon," no one cares about anymore, "Barbara Mandrill," ditto times a million, "Harris Piltdown" . . . that's a little tricky, but Stiller might go for it. Keep grinding, Bobo.
Posted by: B2K | July 17, 2007 11:02 AM
"You've bought one more day of life."
Posted by: Francis | July 17, 2007 11:33 AM
You still only have three choices: keep tying, go back in your cage, or go back to working for Tina Brown.
Posted by: npm | July 17, 2007 3:05 PM
"Biodome 2?"
Posted by: gray nixon | July 17, 2007 4:10 PM
"....And if my great-great-great-great grandmother had married that pinkish looking chimp I, too, might have turned out as a human..."
"You want to call this drivvel AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH? Hmmmmm how convenient!"
Posted by: Johnny V | July 17, 2007 4:35 PM
"I liked this better the first time I read it, when it was by a guy named Shakespeare, you plagiarist bastard!"
Posted by: Matt S | July 17, 2007 7:26 PM
"If I wanted Shakespeare I would have asked for Shakespeare! Now get back to that random crap."
Posted by: Matt S | July 17, 2007 7:29 PM
"You know what really chaps my ass? -- oh sorry, nothing personal."
Posted by: Dex | July 17, 2007 9:52 PM
Great. But let's call you guys "Monkey Helpers" as opposed to "Monkey Aids."
All-righty-then...you have just earned yourself a banana phone.
See what you can accomplish when you stop playing with yourself?
Hmmm...."Apes of Wrath." I like it.
Posted by: Amy | July 17, 2007 11:08 PM
A monkey business proposal
Posted by: Brian L | July 18, 2007 3:10 AM
"Thanks for getting these intra-office memos done for me. It was a nice change of pace to spend all day eating bananas and throwing my own feces."
Posted by: John Tabin | July 18, 2007 3:44 AM
"Amazing -- a complete and grammatically correct sentence. This is a major breakthrough; I can't wait to tell my colleagues about it."
Posted by: John Tabin | July 18, 2007 3:52 AM
"Hmm, according to this data, you're extremely ugly."
Posted by: John Tabin | July 18, 2007 3:54 AM
"Perhaps a little Vick's vapor rub will make those typos go away."
Posted by: pistol whipped | July 18, 2007 8:06 AM
"Start typing!"
Posted by: David F | July 18, 2007 9:17 AM
"Our Gibbon is funnier."
Posted by: David F | July 18, 2007 9:28 AM
"OK, that's the last deposition, gentlemen. I share your pain over all the uncompensated film work you did in that 1968 space movie. But rest assured, after we're through with MGM and the Kubrick estate for nearly 40 years of back salaries, royalties and interest (minus my fee), you'll enjoy lifetime bananas and the best cages ever in the Old Actors' Home."
"We've got to tweak this line: 'He played around'..no, 'screwed around', 'fooled around'...no, not quite....Damn! Who's got my thesaurus?"
"Good script, but we'll have to dumb it down for the male silverback demographic."
Posted by: LV | July 18, 2007 10:00 AM
Having never seen one himself, David Remnick relied solely on racist stereotypes to select his staff of black writers.
Posted by: Jason Olshefsky | July 18, 2007 11:34 AM
You really need to get a computer. On the internet, no one knows you're a monkey.
Posted by: therblig | July 18, 2007 12:24 PM
"Uh-oh: looks like one more split infinitive andu you're back in the cage."
Posted by: Michael in LA | July 18, 2007 12:32 PM
"Where do you buy ribbons for that thing?"
Posted by: Kevin Guilfoile | July 18, 2007 1:55 PM
"Ok, Radosh is back. You guys can best it."
Posted by: al in la | July 18, 2007 3:06 PM
"I'm sorry, but we're gonna have to put you down."
Posted by: Harry Effron | July 18, 2007 3:24 PM
"'The hours here are obscene.' Hmm, very nice."
Posted by: Harry | July 18, 2007 3:28 PM
"Got your keys?" What does that m...
Posted by: Charles | July 18, 2007 5:37 PM
Your finest work yet, Mr. Vidal.
Posted by: HarshestMimzy | July 18, 2007 8:08 PM
"Arrogant, lifeless prose, Mr. Pickles. Have you considered submitting to the New Yorker?"
Posted by: Stephan Cox | July 18, 2007 8:20 PM
" 'One Day in the Life of Bobo Denisovich.' Hmmm. Remarkable! I had no idea you were Russian."
Posted by: Richard | July 18, 2007 10:05 PM
"'Who Moved My Cheese?' Good Christ, they were right--you COULD have written it."
Posted by: Stephan Cox | July 18, 2007 11:24 PM
"Better step it up a notch. Ms. Collins is most displeased."
Posted by: Stephan Cox | July 18, 2007 11:26 PM
"Origin of the Feces", well, they'll like it Kansas.
Posted by: therblig | July 19, 2007 11:09 AM
"Origin of the Feces", well, they'll like it IN Kansas. (stupid monkey)
Posted by: therbig | July 19, 2007 11:12 AM
"'I'd Rather Have a Bottle in Front of Me Than a Frontal Lobotomy.' Sorry, not an option."
Posted by: GilbertBob | July 19, 2007 1:02 PM
I found the answer, boss.
Posted by: paul | July 19, 2007 2:59 PM
"Which one of you guys trips over the ottoman when you get home?"
Posted by: Greg | July 19, 2007 8:23 PM
"I really don't give a damn about your work - but I can't help admiring your freakishly long fingers. Do you admire my freakishly long fingers?"
Posted by: Richard | July 19, 2007 10:20 PM
The Origin of The Spam Species.
Posted by: Andy | July 19, 2007 11:13 PM
No, no, I meant
'The Origin of Spam'
Yeah! That's better.
Posted by: Andy | July 19, 2007 11:18 PM
Wait, no. Should have been
'The Origin of the Spam'
(I forgot the second 'the')
OK, that's what I really meant. Thanks.
Posted by: andy | July 19, 2007 11:21 PM
Using up my chances quickly here. I submit as my final proposal:
'The Origin of Spam'
(apparently, there is no second 'the')
I hope this still reads.
Posted by: andy | July 19, 2007 11:31 PM
OK, you word monkeys, I guess that's five drafts I can submit for this anti-caption contest. I'll just plug these in and see if we have a winner.
Posted by: andy | July 19, 2007 11:36 PM
"By the time you read this, the photos of you butt-pumping Bobo will have reached the NIH."
"Pix the pucking typewriter, puckwad."
Iambic pentameter. Now we're getting somewhere.
Posted by: Shawn | July 19, 2007 11:45 PM
"This is gibberish, of course, but for fifty bucks I can get you a print of the cartoon with this caption. And I'll do it for your hot monkey love."
Posted by: JohnnyB | July 20, 2007 7:28 AM
"Movie Idea #2305: Adam Sandler is trapped on an island and falls in love with a coconut."
Posted by: MoBuck | July 20, 2007 11:06 AM
"'Please send me back to the jungle I miss my children'? Oh, Bobo silly Bobo your children were poached for their delicious brains."
Posted by: dean @ t.a.m.s.y. | July 20, 2007 1:13 PM
"Interesting. Without thumbs, your manuscript is completely lacking in spacing."
Posted by: The Mullet | July 20, 2007 4:14 PM
"Advanced, are you? Hah! You banana-scarfing bafoons are still using typewriters!!"
Posted by: The Mullet | July 20, 2007 4:18 PM
"Look, dammit! You can write your requests until the cows come home, but I'm telling you, we have no bananas today!!"
Posted by: The Mullet | July 20, 2007 4:23 PM
"'oo oo ah ah'? What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
Posted by: The Mullet | July 20, 2007 4:36 PM
"Bonzo...this barrage of love notes is beginning to crumble my resolve. I feel my scientific detachment melting away....Okay, yes, touch me, do with me as you will, make love to me, you hairy fool!!"
Posted by: The Mullet | July 20, 2007 4:58 PM
Caged Wisdom Volume 1
Posted by: Aeiri | July 20, 2007 7:33 PM
You got a good story going here, but your writing style is a little haughty. Try using more vowels.
Posted by: Bjorn | July 20, 2007 7:45 PM
And then they killed the scientist? What does that mean?
Posted by: Seabendy | July 20, 2007 8:56 PM
"You know, these are the thinnest slices of cheese I've ever seen. You and your 'cheese tube' are moving on to the next round of American Inventor!"
Posted by: mypalmike | July 20, 2007 9:53 PM
While your efforts in producing ASCII monkey porn art for the other inmates is commendable, you'll have absolutely no use for it after we convert you to Unix eunuchs.
Posted by: Dave | July 20, 2007 10:48 PM
"You realize you're going to have to dumb this down after Mr. Murdoch takes over."
Posted by: Stephan Cox | July 21, 2007 1:14 AM
" 'Mr. Radosh wishes to confirm that his guest blogers are always treated humanely. What some uninformed people describe as "cages" are actually comfortable living quarters.'...Okay, That's much better."
Posted by: al in la | July 21, 2007 3:17 PM
"Not bad. But think less Planet of the Apes, and more flying monkeys."
Posted by: Michael in LA | July 21, 2007 4:05 PM
"And how much are we paying you for this?"
Posted by: Michael in LA | July 22, 2007 8:23 PM
"Would it have killed you to throw in a spoiler warning, asshole?"
Posted by: dean @ t.a.m.s.y. | July 22, 2007 11:18 PM