The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #105
Submit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon. Click here for details. Click here to see last week's results.
Winner
"Let's get another lawn chair to go with the chaise longue, I says. No, you says, I'll just bring one out from the dining room when I want to sit by the pool. What about when it rains, I says. Oh, I'll be sure
to take it in so it never gets wet, you says. Well I hope you're happy now, cheapskate!!!" —Vance
Finalists
"I just love our Frank Gehry tool shed. It's much more interesting than a pool." —Deborah
""Oh, don't let him frighten you. The Pool's just upset because I left a toddler in him overnight." —TG Gibbon
Honorable mention
"This unexpected and threatening wave is not causing me to rethink my complacent lifestyle, but rather providing me an opportunity to make droll comments." —Ed C
"Well, this ought to solve the Iraq problem. For us." —Dave
"Jesus Christ, our kids are so fucking fat." —dean @ t.a.m.s.y.
Comments
"I just love our Frank Gehry tool shed. It's much more interesting than a pool."
Posted by: Deborah | July 2, 2007 09:27 AM
The worst part about having our pool connected to the municipal sewer line is when all our neighbors flush at the same time. Great, now I'm going to get a quarter pound of fæces in my Long Island iced tea!
Posted by: kejo | July 2, 2007 09:36 AM
If it wasn't for that darn wind, I'd have no problem with my topiary Christmas trees.
Posted by: Jason Olshefsky | July 2, 2007 09:44 AM
"Oh, don't let him frighten you. The Pool's just upset because I left a toddler in him overnight."
"Don't worry, we'll be fine. Whatever you may think of his Philippine policy I'm sure President McKinley learned his lesson about disaster relief after Galveston."
"Ugh, there he goes again. Every time Superman reverses the rotation of the Earth I have to refill the goddamned pool."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | July 2, 2007 09:46 AM
"Surf's up, dude."
Posted by: Dave | July 2, 2007 09:57 AM
"Do you think it's because my name is Sue Nami?"
Posted by: Jim M | July 2, 2007 09:58 AM
"There is a tine in the affairs of men which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune."
Posted by: Richard | July 2, 2007 10:08 AM
"Hmn. And I always thought I'd go after being bored to death by your unimaginative sex."
Posted by: Dan McCoy | July 2, 2007 10:11 AM
"You know what's a weird word? Snorkel. Snorkel snorkel snorkel."
Posted by: Dan McCoy | July 2, 2007 10:13 AM
Jesus Christ, that's a lot of fucking blow!
Posted by: Dashiell | July 2, 2007 10:17 AM
Well don't be rude Philbert, wave back.
Posted by: Amy | July 2, 2007 10:27 AM
"I know he's your brother, Frank, but he's 400 goddamn pounds! Tell him: Absolutely No Cannonballs."
"It's not the extreme volatility of the water I mind, but the clearly visible bits of raw sewage."
"No, I wasn't saying 'Blah blah blah,' I was trying to warn you about the approach of the 'Blob! Blob! Blob!' Now I bet you wish you'd listened a little closer, hmmm? And come to think of it, I wish I'd gotten up from this chair."
Posted by: Vance | July 2, 2007 10:35 AM
Holy shit.
Posted by: brian | July 2, 2007 10:51 AM
"God punishes you for green-lighting Poseidon."
Posted by: bicycle | July 2, 2007 10:59 AM
"Is that...is that hair gel?"
Posted by: Derek | July 2, 2007 11:03 AM
"Is that the surge finally working?"
Posted by: theophylact | July 2, 2007 11:27 AM
"I think it was a mistake to allow Morpha, the 'Giant Aquatic Amoeba' from the Water Temple in The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, to live in our swimming pool."
Posted by: John Tabin | July 2, 2007 11:59 AM
"Zan, this is Rob. Rob's superpower is the awesome ability to avoid calling me 'Gleek' while we're having sex. Goodbye, Zan."
Posted by: J | July 2, 2007 12:17 PM
Very good, Zan. Your "form of a giant wave that looms over people but doesn't crash on them unless they're evil," is quite clever. But Jayna, your "shape of a swarm of insects that hover over that wave" seems pretty useless in a combat situation. Now how 'bout you both change back to human form and go get me a refill on my Tom Collins.
Posted by: Jesse | July 2, 2007 12:23 PM
"I see Moses found a way to get us back after that dispute about the fence."
"I guess this means you told Noah about the vasectomy."
"My period is so locked into the moon phases that I actually cause tidal fluctuations with my vagina."
Posted by: JohnnyB | July 2, 2007 12:24 PM
Dammit. Not only do I settle for the cheap geeky reference, but then I find someone beat me to it (and with a much better caption).
Posted by: Jesse | July 2, 2007 12:25 PM
I wonder where the kids went
Posted by: Anna | July 2, 2007 12:26 PM
"I told you these were the end times."
Posted by: Francis | July 2, 2007 12:53 PM
"I'll just build a tunnel to the sea, you said. That way, we won't ever have to fill the pool ourselves, you said. And then you claimed that everyone called you mad, and you laughed maniacally. Well, who's laughing maniacally now, metaphorically I mean?"
Posted by: Francis | July 2, 2007 12:56 PM
"The towers here are chlorine."
Posted by: dean @ t.a.m.s.y. | July 2, 2007 01:00 PM
They Abyss: The Sitcom
Posted by: FD | July 2, 2007 01:14 PM
"This Neighborhood is so boring, I wonder what Paris Hilton is up to"
Posted by: nocoins | July 2, 2007 01:15 PM
Thank god we're not in an animation.
Posted by: Daniel | July 2, 2007 01:44 PM
"Do you think it's time to reshingle the roof?"
Posted by: Rubrick | July 2, 2007 02:00 PM
"Oh shit, I hope that's just a metaphor."
"Perhaps owning a pool is too much responsibility!"
"Maybe you should check the filter."
"Why am I not worried? Because I am the smart-and-sassy wife who is the brains of this marriage, which is plainly evidenced by my composed, laidback demeanor and sunglasses, while you are the bumbling, whitebread, suburban husband. That wave is obviously coming for you."
Posted by: Ed C | July 2, 2007 02:03 PM
Your damned standing wave equations! Mom was right, I should have married Macus Welby, MD.
Posted by: Louie | July 2, 2007 02:03 PM
I got a lust for life.
No, I don't believe in global warming.
Posted by: Anonymous | July 2, 2007 02:14 PM
"You should really try the brownies, honey."
Posted by: AnnaH | July 2, 2007 02:19 PM
"This unexpected and threatening wave is not causing me to rethink my complacent lifestyle, but rather providing me an opportunity to make droll comments."
Posted by: Ed C | July 2, 2007 02:39 PM
"You are the most incompetent pool boy I've ever slept with."
Posted by: mypalmike | July 2, 2007 02:39 PM
"Wave schmave. The real news here is that Tom Cheney's work is finally being used in a caption contest."
Posted by: mypalmike | July 2, 2007 02:46 PM
Oh, we got trouble
Right here in River City
With a capital 'T' and that rhymes with 'P' and that stands for 'pool'!
Posted by: kejo | July 2, 2007 02:51 PM
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn! Cthulhu fhtagn! Cthulhu fhtagn!
Posted by: kejo | July 2, 2007 03:00 PM
"So, Donald Trump asked me if he could store his hair in my yard. I tell him, sure, no problem. Little did I know how much space it would take up."
Posted by: mypalmike | July 2, 2007 03:04 PM
"Kowabunga, motherfucker!"
"The heavies at the poolside are okay,
But they can't match the savage surf at Waimea Bay."
Posted by: JohnnyB | July 2, 2007 03:05 PM
"Well, this ought to solve the Iraq problem. For us."
"Honey, is 'dread' spelled with 'e' or 'ea'?" "It's spelled with 'ea' as in 'dead,' my darling."
Posted by: Dave | July 2, 2007 03:42 PM
"'John of Cincinnati' will never have the impact of 'The Sopranos.'"
Posted by: Jim M | July 2, 2007 04:55 PM
"Let's get another lawn chair to go with the chaise longue, I says. No, you says, I'll just bring one out from the dining room when I want to sit by the pool. What about when it rains, I says. Oh, I'll be sure to take it in so it never gets wet, you says. Well I hope you're happy now, cheapskate!!!"
Posted by: Vance | July 2, 2007 05:25 PM
"More than the miniature tidal wave in the pool, I think the real worry here is the fact that the moon is speedily plummeting closer and closer to the earth."
Posted by: Francis | July 2, 2007 05:26 PM
Tsunami, you crazy bastard!
Posted by: The Confidence Man | July 2, 2007 05:35 PM
Yeah, I had to have that wave sculpture installed to block out the neighbors' unsightly anti-perspectival fence.
Posted by: The Confidence Man | July 2, 2007 05:39 PM
"I can't believe it! We are in a Disney cartoon. It just totally blows that it isn't animated!"
Posted by: Johnny V | July 2, 2007 07:14 PM
"Henry, for Christ sakes, close your legs... Geez, I can see one of your 'boys'."
Posted by: Johnny V | July 2, 2007 07:18 PM
"I think we have a sick pool, dear."
Posted by: Dave | July 2, 2007 07:51 PM
"We're about to get wet and it's gonna be really inconvenient."
Posted by: Brian L | July 2, 2007 07:59 PM
"The showers here are obscene. Granted, not Rikers-Island-showers obscene or 'Porky's' obscene. More like culturally-barren, suburban-excess obscene."
Posted by: jmt | July 2, 2007 08:02 PM
"The showers here are marine, but the towels here are unseen."
"Tsumami, you crazy neap tide! How the swell are you?"
Posted by: LV | July 2, 2007 08:45 PM
"Pienso que el niño está en la piscina otra vez."
Posted by: Francis | July 3, 2007 12:37 AM
"Better rub the lotion on your skin darling. I think this might be worse than the hose."
Posted by: Brian L | July 3, 2007 01:03 AM
"I wish Mike Gravel would stop dropping rocks in our pool."
Posted by: Richard | July 3, 2007 01:22 AM
"I tend not to worry about these things until they actually effect me."
Posted by: al in la | July 3, 2007 04:28 AM
The weather calls for a 'Perfect Storm'. I hope you brought the garbage cans back into the garage.
Posted by: Johnny V | July 3, 2007 07:23 AM
"I never loved you."
"No, that one I think was from Hamas. Their aim is not quite as good."
Posted by: RichM | July 3, 2007 08:33 AM
My first entry had a typo. It should have said, "There is a TIDE in the affairs of men which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune."
Posted by: Richard | July 3, 2007 10:49 AM
"Surf's up again- which is more than I can say for your pecker lately."
"It says here many homeowners with subprime mortgages will be swept up in a wave of foreclosures."
"All the neighbors love our pool parties except those people from Sri Lanka."
Posted by: LV | July 3, 2007 11:13 AM
Good fucking Jack Lord! (musical cue: you know it)
Jack says the trick isn't just popping a Viagra and a Flomax together -- you have to grind up the pills and snort 'em. Then think as hard as you can about Jessica Alba. Right Jack?
Posted by: B2K | July 3, 2007 12:05 PM
"Les heures ici sont piscine."
Posted by: mypalmike | July 3, 2007 12:59 PM
"I don't know, dear, it has something to do with the moon, I guess."
"Me HUNGRY!!"
"This must be how those Sri Lankans felt."
"Ignore him, dear, he's just starved for attention."
Posted by: Harry | July 3, 2007 02:10 PM
hahaha mypalmike, nice one.
Posted by: Harry | July 3, 2007 02:11 PM
“I wish the Johnsons would warn us before they start up their helicopter.”
Posted by: GilbertBob | July 3, 2007 03:25 PM
“Did you hear about the earthquake in the city this morning?”
Posted by: GilbertBob | July 3, 2007 03:27 PM
"Mind the wave, dear."
Posted by: GilbertBob | July 3, 2007 03:29 PM
"It's your wave, Dennis... You HAD to bring it back with us from our vacation. The least you can do is feed it."
"TSU-FUCKING-NAMI!"
"Okay... Great trick, Moses... But I still won't sleep with you... mainly because you keep following the politics of that Bush!"
Posted by: Johnny V | July 3, 2007 04:03 PM
"....you know, you can tell the kids again and again not to piss in the pool........"
Posted by: Greg | July 3, 2007 08:26 PM
"Welcome to our wonderful pool.....so you balanced the chemicals, huh, genius?"
Posted by: Greg | July 3, 2007 08:29 PM
"Your mother's coming."
Posted by: Greg | July 3, 2007 08:31 PM
"I told you I wanted a shot and a splash!"
Posted by: Greg | July 3, 2007 08:32 PM
"And now you're going to imagine that wave embracing you, caressing you, loving you...as opposed to the thrashing sensation that you so unwittingly tend to bring upon yourself..."
Posted by: Michael in la | July 3, 2007 08:56 PM
It's a tthunami
Posted by: therblig | July 3, 2007 11:15 PM
It's your fucking ex-wife again. This time she's thrown the voodoo dolls in the bathtub.
Posted by: Shawn | July 3, 2007 11:18 PM
"I told our pool was too small for that whale you stole from the lake in Central Park."
Posted by: Richard | July 4, 2007 10:02 AM
"It's not the heat so much as the laws-of-physics-defying random tidal waves."
Posted by: junior | July 4, 2007 10:52 AM
"I had the pool worked on today by a company called TOTO- you know, they make those Washlets."
Posted by: MC | July 4, 2007 12:29 PM
That's strange, there seems to be more water here than the pool has a capacity to hold. Hey honey, don't you find it strange that there seems to be more water here than the pool has a capacity to hold. I think that is very strange indeed.
Posted by: Erick | July 4, 2007 01:41 PM
"Okay... That probably explains why the grass keeps dying from chlorine poisoning"
Posted by: Johnny V | July 4, 2007 02:10 PM
"I told you it was high tide we got a pool."
Posted by: al in la | July 4, 2007 06:09 PM
Honey, have you fed the pool today?
Posted by: Konatus | July 4, 2007 06:11 PM
"This Scooter Libby thing has made the pool really angry"
Posted by: GilbertBob | July 5, 2007 06:54 AM
"Nothing exciting ever happens around here."
Posted by: GilbertBob | July 5, 2007 06:55 AM
"Anything interesting in the paper?"
Posted by: GilbertBob | July 5, 2007 06:56 AM
We really shouldn't be outside in our swimsuits. It's so cold that the pool is frozen... hey wait a minute, how did it freeze like that? Anyway, what I'm really trying to say is you haven't done your bikini line and it looks fucking gross.
Posted by: Pecopeco | July 5, 2007 07:08 AM
"Wanna duck?"
Posted by: dwilk | July 5, 2007 07:10 AM
"Call the landscapers to check out these dead patches in the lawn because, as I see it, the scars here are chlorine."
Posted by: MC | July 5, 2007 09:11 AM
"The Moses family is waving to us again."
"Honey, is that a used condom?"
"Chlorine, deadly pink ooze from Ghostbusters 2, what's the difference?"
Posted by: mobuck | July 5, 2007 11:42 AM
What I SAID was, "Wouldn't it be nice to do a RAVE."
Posted by: Amy | July 5, 2007 02:37 PM
"Sure it could kill us, but what I really hate is the fucking silent T."
Posted by: Vin Coca | July 5, 2007 06:34 PM
"That's nothin'...Last year when Uncle Milty farted on the Appalachian Trail he damn near started a forest fire."
"Laura, ya think 'the Big Guy' is angry 'cause I poked ya in the behind last night?"
Posted by: Sandy | July 5, 2007 09:15 PM
"...and that's how Julio's cock accidentally found its way into my virgina. If I'm lying may God strike me dead."
Posted by: al in la | July 6, 2007 01:13 AM
"What's it been...? 12 years since you built that concrete skateboarding pipeline? Please, either remove it or use it. It crumbles whenever a large truck drives by."
Posted by: Johnny V | July 6, 2007 08:34 AM
"You know, Harold, it seems like only yesterday that the dogs used to throw sticks at the pool waves."
Posted by: Johnny V | July 6, 2007 08:36 AM
"TSURIS!"
"If we were going to build a pool at all, why make it only a twelve-by-twelve? Might as well have gotten a kiddie pool. So, I filled it with lard. At least this way we can roll around in it, sensuous-like."
Posted by: Trout Almondine | July 6, 2007 09:48 AM
"Christ, what an asshole. Get me Jerry Bruckheimer on the phone. Just because my house is right next to the studio does not mean he can end all his car chase scenes in my pool!"
Posted by: mypalmike | July 6, 2007 10:27 AM
"I have had it with these motherfucking tsunamis in this motherfucking pool!"
Posted by: mypalmike | July 6, 2007 10:30 AM
I give up. How does a swimming pool say goodbye?
Posted by: JohnnyB | July 6, 2007 12:10 PM
"Honey, look, I'm about to get as wet as I did back when I still found you attractive."
"I know IKEA's assembly manuals are confusing, but you really fucked up the half-pipe."
"Jesus Christ, our kids are so fucking fat."
Posted by: dean @ t.a.m.s.y. | July 6, 2007 01:07 PM
"I guess I won't have to douche today."
Posted by: BA | July 6, 2007 02:22 PM
"Goddamn ancient Indian burial ground."
Posted by: Ed C | July 6, 2007 05:21 PM
"Yes, Carl, I'm aware of the big wave in the little pool. I'm also aware of the major asshole in the little chair. Now go peel me a grape."
Posted by: al in la | July 6, 2007 05:35 PM
"Oh, by the way, I forgot to pay the pool guy again."
"It's a good thing we're wearing our bathing suits. Well, in my case, a one-piece. And in your case, board-shorts more suitable to a teenager than an aging day-trader. "
Posted by: Michael in la | July 6, 2007 06:42 PM
"Looks like Al Gore was right--and it’s all Cheney’s fault!"
"Can’t you ever tear yourself away from the Tube?"
Posted by: David F | July 7, 2007 01:31 PM
" I hate it when we invite Poseidon and Amphitrite over. Do they think we don't know they're having sex in the pool?"
Posted by: BA | July 7, 2007 07:11 PM
"If nothing else, that wave will break our awkward silence. "
Posted by: Brian L | July 8, 2007 04:04 AM
"It’s your turn to read on the wet spot.”
Posted by: dwilk | July 8, 2007 08:54 AM
"Isn't that cute, the pool's waving at us?"
Posted by: GilbertBob | July 8, 2007 09:25 AM
"The sun's gone behind the pool again."
Posted by: GilbertBob | July 8, 2007 09:27 AM
"Honey, could you fetch me a towel?"
Posted by: GilbertBob | July 8, 2007 09:29 AM
"Sorcerer Mickey really doesn't know when to stop"
Posted by: Brian L | July 8, 2007 03:48 PM
You pee in the pool enough times, eventually the pool gets pissed off."
"Goddamn fucking global warming!"
Posted by: BA | July 8, 2007 04:23 PM
You never use the halfpipe anymore.
Posted by: Hairy Sherri | July 9, 2007 11:20 AM
Gnarly.
Posted by: Prognosis Notgood | July 9, 2007 11:21 AM
Well, I can't say I seen London, and I never been to France, and I ain't never seen no queen in her damn undies as the fella says. But I'll tell you what--I guess I'm seen somethin' ever' bit as stupefyin' as ya'd see in any a those other places, and in English too, so I can die with a smile on my face without feelin' like the good Lord gypped me.
Posted by: Tom | July 9, 2007 02:05 PM
Don't worry. I Super-Glued your ass to the lawn chair.
Posted by: SK | July 9, 2007 07:29 PM
The installation guys said that if this happens to either call them or sacrifice a goat.
Posted by: SK | July 9, 2007 07:38 PM
"Would it have killed you to put in a house? All the neighbors have houses."
Posted by: jmt | July 9, 2007 10:14 PM
"I used to be terrified of drowning in a tsunami, but as I sit here reading Arianna Huffington's 'On Becoming Fearless,' I find that I am oddly calm."
Posted by: GilbertBob | July 10, 2007 12:46 AM
"I can understand paying $20 extra for a U2 iPod, but did you really have to waste money on a Beach Boys' Pet Sounds 40th anniversary California-style pool?"
Posted by: GilbertBob | July 10, 2007 12:47 AM
"Watch out for the Under Toad, Garp."
Posted by: GilbertBob | July 10, 2007 12:48 AM
Oh, like in Asia.
Posted by: Kois | July 10, 2007 12:56 AM
"See? Now I bet you wish you had a hat on too."
Posted by: Vance | July 10, 2007 10:37 AM
On the bright side, it's Cheney not Addams, so at least it's water and not boiling oil.
Posted by: therblig | July 10, 2007 11:23 AM
"Sorry, I dropped a box of Tide in the pool. Tomorrow I'm going to put in some fish and keep dropping in boxes of Era until they start evolving."
Posted by: Francis | July 10, 2007 06:21 PM
"Huh?"
Posted by: dankna | July 12, 2007 04:34 AM
"He said that if we don't fight tidal waves abroad, they'll follow us home."
"Hon, can you get me a glass of ice water?"
WIFE: Do you believe in acid flashbacks?
HUBBY: Not sure... gimme a sec.
Posted by: Dan P | July 12, 2007 06:20 AM
"YOU'RE the one who said it would be cool to rent a house from Stephen King."
Posted by: stcolerdige | July 12, 2007 05:07 PM
-"Talk dirty to me".
-"ohbaby ohbaby, I'm so wet".
-"Doesn't sound realistic".
Posted by: Hubby | July 12, 2007 11:49 PM
Oh no, I'd just dried myself.
Posted by: Kingonidi | July 12, 2007 11:51 PM
I think you should at least put some ice on that whisky, hon.
Posted by: Al Cowrolin | July 12, 2007 11:52 PM
Time to cut the grass, hubby.
Posted by: Bawha | July 12, 2007 11:54 PM
Fawell said it's fault of the homossexual behind that bush.
Posted by: Dingdong | July 12, 2007 11:56 PM
"Relax Todd, it's a two-week wave."
Posted by: al in la | July 13, 2007 05:51 AM
"I can just see the FEMA red tape nightmare now."
Posted by: Lhyzz | July 13, 2007 11:40 AM
"Aw shit, I knew I should have bought that surfboard."
Posted by: Jenn | July 13, 2007 05:11 PM
"Global warming, blah, blah, blah."
Posted by: Stephan Cox | July 13, 2007 11:44 PM
"On the internet, no one knows you're a tsunami."
Posted by: Stephan Cox | July 13, 2007 11:49 PM
"What is the difference between 'crump' and 'crunk'?"
Posted by: Stephan Cox | July 14, 2007 12:06 AM
"Fuck you, Al Gore."
Posted by: Lori Culwell | July 14, 2007 12:33 AM
"I wonder if I'll be dead before I can get in a droll comment about how much the Hamptons suck."
Posted by: Lori Culwell | July 14, 2007 12:41 AM
"I don't know-- it doesn't FEEL like an inconvenient truth."
Posted by: Lori Culwell | July 14, 2007 12:42 AM
"It's about time something came down on top of me."
Posted by: dwilk | July 14, 2007 07:46 AM
"Honey, look, the giant tidal wave of discontent washing over our marriage has externalized itself."
Posted by: David John | July 14, 2007 08:09 PM
"Upon reflection, I suppose it WAS a terrible idea to put an ancient artifact like Moses's walker on the far side of the pool, given the present consequences. Then again, I'm a smug woman of moneyed privilege summering in the Hamptons, so fuck off."
Posted by: Stephan Cox | July 14, 2007 10:41 PM
"You say it's terrorism? I say it's Con Edisism."
Posted by: David F | July 18, 2007 10:35 PM
"Ah--that must be the subway."
Posted by: David F | August 10, 2007 10:53 AM
"I shelled out $15,000.00 for this damnable, berserk, wave-making pool...... I retired early and moved to Scottsdale....... I married HER ..... I fell on my head at birth when that damn masked woman dropped me !"
Posted by: sslabo | November 14, 2007 01:29 PM