May 30, 2007

The Barack Obama Anti-Caption Contest


Here's the Barack Obama doodle that netted $2,075 in a charity auction. It's a picture of Senators Chuck Schumer, Harry Reid, Dianne Feinstein and Ted Kennedy. But what are they saying? You are invited to submit your best (or worst) captions here. A winner may or may not be chosen.

You may also submit captions for any of the other celebrity doodles collected by charitoteer Gillian Anderson for her campaign against neurofibromatosis, whatever that is. If your entry is for a drawing other than Obama's just preface the caption with the name of the celebrity. Or "celebrity." I guess David Duchovny isn't ready to make nice just yet. He gave her a picture done by his kid, Kyd. Wonder how much that fetched?

There's actually a lot of stuff you could tease out of this collection if you were so inclined. Like, did no one draw a penis or a naked lady? You call this doodling? And man, Jay Leno is an asshole, isn't he? It looks like he just mailed in a pre-written autograph he keeps in his office for when the wives of NBC executives stop by. I do like the cartoon by Christian alt-rocker Mat Kearney, though. Certainly better than his music. What gets your attention?

Posted by Daniel Radosh


Chris Shelton? These were obviously commissioned in late May of '06.

Ed Asner's, while dated 2007, was clearly drawn by him in his younger, more innocent days, when he was an afficionado of LSD.

I actually really like the one by Gillian Anderson's daughter. She must be what, 13? I also like Cindy Crawford's. It looks like she made the head out of a fingerprint made with lipstick. Quite appropriate for her persona.

No penises? Did you not notice the background of Obama's cartoon?

Oh. Duh.

Also, Schumer's kind of a dick too.

"Hey, guys, can you believe Hillary is going to lose to the black guy?"

Senator Feinstein: "Okay, Schumer wins the 'Loftiest Boner' contest! Drinks are on Ted!"

But most of them already have captions. Kate Capshaw's, for instance, reads, "I fucked the director and all I got was this elaborate box of colored pencils."

I'm struck by the fact that Lorenzo Lamas thinks his father died in combat. Also that he played a character named "Lance Cumson."

Kenny G's is even more disturbingly off-the-shelf than Jay Leno's. OK. Saxaphone. We get it.

These captions are from the current New Yorker. Slightly customized for the Obama sketch.

"Anyhoo, it's malignant."

"Let's make a low-budget movie till help arrives."

"Make a note, Diane -- one Speedo, size 54"

Reid to Kennedy: "And in the event of an actual leopard attack the schoolgirl fetish would do exactly what?"

Feinstein: "After we have sex but before I kill you, I'm going to need your help with some shelves."

The objects in the background include Diane Feinstein's numerous bras

Schumer, Reid, Feinstein and Kennedy... A rough layout for Mount Rush-no-more

Cindy Crawford's mole... red and inflamed by the many years of it being pick on

Diane Feinstein says, "Chuck, this little apartment is a pit. Someone gave all three of you the shaft."

"Donald Trump to Angus Oblong: "You're fired!"

"We're all in this together. In this shower together."

"All your base are belong to us"

Reid to Kennedy...

"You think that large pimple on top of your head is weird looking, take a look at the wart on my shoulder!"

Henry Winkler's Sketch

It's supposed to be a shark jumping!

Reid: Okay, Just the Jews this time - (SINGING)
'It's just a jump to the left
And then a step to the right...'

I think there is some "nip slip" in the bottom left of the String Quartet doodle. Must have been the viola, you know how crazy those bastards are.
And is that a huge bush?

Bad Writing Alert:
"... a piece by Gillian Anderson, which brought in about $700. Best known for her role as agent Dana Scully on “The X Files,” she is the daughter of Rosemary Anderson and her brother, Aaron, ..."

I know it goes forward with another defining clause but the unfortunate idea is already cast in the sequence.

I think Alfred Hitchcock said the scariest sight he ever witnessed was a priest walking down a country lane with his arm around the shoulders of a young lad.

The Ronald McDonald entry reminded me of that observation.

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