The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #101
Submit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon. Click here for details. Click here to see last week's results.
Winner
"Help! A young boy started a doughnut on fire!" —LV
Finalists
"All right, you boys know the drill. It's twenty bucks apiece, don't make a mess on the window, and be careful not to fall. Sorry, Father, no more credit till you pay off your tab. Okay! So who's ready to watch me fuck my wife?!" (Historical factoid: before the internet, if you wanted to watch someone fuck his wife, you had to hang out on a building ledge and it cost $20.) —Ogdred
"Sorry, I'm looking for an astronaut, a judge, and a graphic designer." —TG Gibbon
Honorable mention
"As a taxpaying citizen, I demand that at least two of you get back to work right now." —J
"Thanks for screwing up the joke; you assholes were supposed to walk into a bar."—JohnnyB
"Okay, now when I say 'Go!', all three of you jump, and we'll find out once and for all which of you God likes best."—Tim C.
"I got good news and bad news. The good news is I know a guy who will pay you each $10,000,000 if you can play anything resembling baseball. The bad news is that it's George Steinbrenner." —Tim H
"It's OK, the EPA has assured us that your exposure to harmful inhalants on 'The Pile' will not significantly affect your life expectancy."—jamie
"Hey fellas, wanna hear a great joke? A fireman, a cop, and a priest walk onto a ledge. The priest says, 'hey, what are we doing here?' So the cop says, 'I don't know, I was just following this fireman.' Then the fireman says, 'Some guy with no legs told me there was a good view from here.' Then the guy with no legs pushed them all off the edge, and they fell to their deaths." —Harry
"Lindsay turns 21 in one month, fellas. We need you all at the top of your games." —Kevin Guilfoile
"Wait! I have a confession to make! The fireman can listen too, though it doesn't really concern him." —Walt
Comments
"Thanks for talking me down. By the way, I think that ledge is more unstable than I am."
"Thanks for screwing up the joke; you assholes were supposed to walk into a bar."
"Yes, I respect you first-responders, but at least wait until the plane hits the building. What? Still too soon?"
"Don’t jump. I know a doctor who can reconstruct our noses and eyebrows. We can live normal lives."
"Life DOES have a point, guys. Life has many points. The points, applied with varying density, add shading and texture to our lives. Father, you more than anyone should understand that pointillism is the foundation of our existence."
Posted by: JohnnyB | May 28, 2007 10:08 AM
Don't bother jumping. The building is about to collapse so we are all going to die anyway.
Posted by: Charles | May 28, 2007 10:23 AM
"Nine-eleven, nine-eleven, nine-eleven, nine-eleven."
Posted by: Andrew | May 28, 2007 10:24 AM
Why do I have to be the one to jump first? It's because I've got no goddamn legs, isn't it? 'Oh, no one will miss Milton...he's only half a man.' You know what? Fuck you guys! This is bullshit!
Posted by: Ogdred | May 28, 2007 11:16 AM
Hey, cool! You guys are committing suicide? Can I watch? I promise to be quiet. Hey! Are you gonna jump one at a time or all together? Oh, fuck! I just thought of something! Hang on while I get my video camera! This shit will rocket to #1 on YouTube! I'll be so popular! Maybe Connie in accounting will finally go out with me! Seriously, dudes, I think you guys killing yourselves might be the best thing that ever happened to me!
Posted by: Ogdred | May 28, 2007 11:27 AM
"Well, you all helped me, but if I had to choose, I'd pick the priest telling me that he'd lost all faith in God or an afterlife. After that, suicide seemed... I dunno. Unappealing."
Posted by: Dan McCoy | May 28, 2007 11:36 AM
Convention's inside, dudes.
Posted by: Dan McCoy | May 28, 2007 11:38 AM
"When your number is called, step forward and repeat the phrase, Hand-me-the-keys, you-fucking-cock-sucker."
Posted by: dwilk | May 28, 2007 11:45 AM
All right, you boys know the drill. It's twenty bucks apiece, don't make a mess on the window, and be careful not to fall. Sorry, Father, no more credit till you pay off your tab. Okay! So who's ready to watch me fuck my wife?!
(Historical factoid: before the internet, if you wanted to watch someone fuck his wife, you had to hang out on a building ledge and it cost $20.)
Posted by: Ogdred | May 28, 2007 11:47 AM
What up, bitches?
Posted by: Ogdred | May 28, 2007 11:49 AM
"As a taxpaying citizen, I demand that at least two of you get back to work right now."
Posted by: J | May 28, 2007 12:18 PM
The minister at a wedding on the 4th floor has just been set on fire. Maybe your trip to this building won't be a total loss after all.
Posted by: jayha | May 28, 2007 12:41 PM
"Father, I'm going to have to insist you stand on the other side of the window, so as to properly observe the separation of church and state."
Posted by: Francis | May 28, 2007 1:12 PM
"Okay, so remember: when my wife, distraught after I explain how I've been unfaithful to her for years and finally decided I had to tell her about it since I could no longer live with the guilt, and who has serious problems with depression to start with, climbs out on the ledge to kill herself, you all shout, 'Surprise! Happy birthday!'"
Posted by: Francis | May 28, 2007 1:20 PM
Wait wait, don't tell me...triplets!
Posted by: simsburybear | May 28, 2007 1:36 PM
"Yes, I'm as confused as you are about how I, whom you came out on the ledge to persuade to return indoors, am now indoors, while you are still outside, despite the fact that there's no obvious way that I could have gotten past all of you. Although there's always the possibility that you came out to talk my identical twin out of committing suicide, and he jumped just when I came in and distracted you by opening this window. Have I mentioned that I have a suicidal identical twin?"
Posted by: Tim C. | May 28, 2007 1:38 PM
Hi...I am a rabbi and you know what, we have the makings of a good joke here.
Posted by: Johnny V | May 28, 2007 1:41 PM
It's cool now, guys. My wife just left.
Posted by: Johnny V | May 28, 2007 1:46 PM
It's cool now, guys. My wife just left.
Posted by: Johnny V | May 28, 2007 1:46 PM
It's cool now, guys. My wife just left.
Is this where the 'Acrophobia Support Group' meets?
Posted by: Johnny V | May 28, 2007 1:48 PM
"Okay, now when I say 'Go!', all three of you jump, and we'll find out once and for all which of you God likes best."
Posted by: Tim C. | May 28, 2007 2:00 PM
And then...the Texan grabs the Mexican and throws him out of the plane and yells "remember the Alamo!"...funny huh, guys? guys? Don't you think that's funny??
Posted by: simsburybear | May 28, 2007 2:00 PM
"Get the fuck off my ledge."
Posted by: Richard | May 28, 2007 2:23 PM
"I don't understand the caption judging either, but I'm not going to kil myself over it."
Posted by: JohnnyB | May 28, 2007 2:54 PM
Would it help if I told you that suicidal despair is a byproduct of the dust you inhaled while attending to the victims of the September 11th attacks?
Posted by: Lee | May 28, 2007 3:34 PM
Hey, I agree Melinda should've made the finals, but she'll still have a career. You guys are over-reacting.
Posted by: Lee | May 28, 2007 3:42 PM
If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
Posted by: Lee | May 28, 2007 3:49 PM
Screw this, there's nothing funny about suicide. But if you'll take a second to forward this to the fulfillment department, my New Yorkers have been arriving on Friday and the covers are a mess. I've spoken to the Post Office and they say it's your problem. I'd also like David Remnick to speak to our Rotary Club.
Posted by: Lee | May 28, 2007 3:57 PM
Screw this, there's nothing funny about suicide. But if you'll take a second to forward this to the fulfillment department, my New Yorkers have been arriving on Friday and the covers are a mess. I've spoken to the Post Office and they say it's your problem. I'd also like David Remnick to speak to our Rotary Club.
Posted by: Lee | May 28, 2007 3:58 PM
"Second prize--2 weeks in Philadelphia."
Posted by: dwilk | May 28, 2007 4:19 PM
There is a criminal in here who has set fire to the clothing of a 12-year-old boy. Can you help?
Posted by: Sam | May 28, 2007 4:24 PM
While we're waiting for the Construction Worker and the Indian Chief, let's try a few bars of "Macho Man" ... but take extra care with the choreography.
Posted by: Sam | May 28, 2007 4:28 PM
What do you know? I envisioned it -- and ... The Secret works!
Posted by: Sam | May 28, 2007 4:30 PM
I'm Charles Nelson Riley's body double. Do you suppose there's any room for me out there?
Posted by: Sam | May 28, 2007 4:35 PM
"You're too late, guys. He already jumped."
"Oh, hi, Clark. Say, your hero costume is showing a bit beneath your suit. I'm sorry - is that still a secret?"
Posted by: Deborah | May 28, 2007 4:37 PM
As your physician, I must inform you that a diagnosis of avian flu doesn't mean you can fly like a bird. It just means your lungs will painfully fill with fluid and you're going to die.
Posted by: Sam | May 28, 2007 4:55 PM
Fellas, c'mon, it was a fart. A particularly juicy fart, but a simple, after-lunch fart nonetheless. Let's just let the building's ventilation system do its job.
Posted by: Lee | May 28, 2007 5:11 PM
"If you'll look around the corner of the builing, you'll see the top of a huge mushroom cloud over New Jersey. The shcokwave should knock you off the ledge in a minute or so."
Posted by: Richard | May 28, 2007 5:36 PM
Padre, you wanna scoot over? I've got a subpoena for Officer Krupke here -- something about a coerced confession.
Posted by: Foiled Again | May 28, 2007 6:47 PM
We're all four of us white. What are the odds?
Posted by: Foiled Again | May 28, 2007 6:49 PM
"Did you ever know that you're my hero, and everything I would like to be?"
Posted by: Foiled Again | May 28, 2007 6:54 PM
One of you happen to be an organ donor?
Posted by: Foiled Again | May 28, 2007 7:00 PM
Father O'Malley, it appears you failed to initial the second set of revisions to your suicide pact, so I cannot counsel you that it's still valid and binding.
Posted by: Foiled Again | May 28, 2007 7:20 PM
Let's see. Touched boys? Beat suspects? Looted burning buildings? ... This is a first in my career as a suicide counselor, but I'm going to have to urge all three of you to jump.
Posted by: Foiled Again | May 28, 2007 7:44 PM
Twenty bucks to the one who lands on the hot dog vendor.
Posted by: Foiled Again | May 28, 2007 8:00 PM
"Scuse me fellas, but do any of you happen to know what time the number 9 bus will be running?"
Posted by: Jesse | May 28, 2007 8:39 PM
Did anyone order a pizza?
Posted by: SK | May 28, 2007 8:55 PM
"You think you've got it bad? I'm a double amputee!"
Posted by: mypalmike | May 28, 2007 9:13 PM
"And so the accountant says to the fireman, 'Hey, that's not a sin or a crime; that's a fucking tax deduction!' Get it? The priest is a pedophile... Well, my accountant buddies always laugh at that one anyhow."
Posted by: mypalmike | May 28, 2007 9:38 PM
You guys know "YMCA?"
Posted by: Dex | May 28, 2007 10:13 PM
"Say, are you the guys who have been stippling our building?"
"Guys, I wouldn't worry, seeing as how that ledge is only two feet from the ground."
"Check it out - there's a jumbo jet coming this direction flying unusually low."
Posted by: RichM | May 28, 2007 10:17 PM
"I got good news and bad news. The good news is I know a guy who will pay you each $10,000,000 if you can play anything resembling baseball. The bad news is that it's George Steinbrenner."
Posted by: Tim H | May 28, 2007 11:09 PM
Where's the sea captain? I left him right here.
Dan Hollister, attorney for the pigeons. This injunction means they want their ledge back.
Sure, it's a small balcony, but split four ways, this is a lease we can all afford!
Give me five minutes to change into the ballerina costume. Then they'll have to put us on the news.
Guys, guys, none of us could have stopped Cho.
Posted by: Buck | May 28, 2007 11:11 PM
"It could be worse. You guys could be hanging onto that sideways building in Anti-Caption Contest # 79."
Posted by: Tim H | May 28, 2007 11:14 PM
"You all realize, of course, that the moment a priest, a policeman and a fireman jump off a building it will thereafter be known -- throughout the English-speaking world -- as 'a Mankoffing'."
Posted by: Tim H | May 28, 2007 11:20 PM
Is this where I catch the crosstown Zeppelin?
Posted by: Lee | May 28, 2007 11:26 PM
"Yankee fans?"
Posted by: Anonymous | May 28, 2007 11:27 PM
Art Linkletter said his daughter ran into this closet.
Posted by: Lee | May 28, 2007 11:28 PM
I knew the Flying Grimbaldis had day jobs.
Posted by: Lee | May 28, 2007 11:40 PM
"Hi, I'm from Fox News. If you guys can hang on a few minutes we want to go live so Sean Hannity can ask why you hate America."
Posted by: al in la | May 28, 2007 11:45 PM
Anyone seen that apple pie my mom left cooling on the window sill here?
Posted by: Lee | May 28, 2007 11:51 PM
If you guys are serious the second floor isn't where you want to be.
Posted by: Charles | May 29, 2007 12:20 AM
If you could stay on the sidewalk, that's my green Sentra and I just had it detailed.
Posted by: Lee | May 29, 2007 12:56 AM
I'd join you, but I have vertigo. I'll just blow my brains out in here.
Posted by: Lee | May 29, 2007 1:10 AM
"Hello. My name's Galileo, and I'd like to thank you all for volunteering for my little experiment."
Posted by: Francis | May 29, 2007 2:21 AM
"My legs are inside the building, and my torso is outside the building, and yet my body is completely vertical. It's an Escher thing. Are you guys committing suicide?"
"Can't you see me standing here? I've got my back against the record machine."
Posted by: Rubrick | May 29, 2007 4:31 AM
"Please, don't be afraid. Where I come from, everyone is crosshatched. But otherwise, we're just like you. We work hard, try to raise our children right.... We just want a chance to make it in Stippleland like everyone else. It's not like we're Negroes or something."
Posted by: Rubrick | May 29, 2007 4:50 AM
"Last one down is a rotten egg."
Posted by: dwilk | May 29, 2007 7:00 AM
"Your shirt's on backwards."
Posted by: Slide | May 29, 2007 7:36 AM
Can I join your club?
Posted by: Pyn | May 29, 2007 8:47 AM
"Usually you see the police, the fire department, and perhaps a clergyman talking a suicidal man in a business suit off a ledge. Today it is the other way around. Ha-ha-ha."
Posted by: John Tabin | May 29, 2007 9:27 AM
"Don't do it, you each have a lot to live for."
Posted by: John Tabin | May 29, 2007 9:30 AM
"Oh, hi -- I didn't realize there would be a line."
Posted by: John Tabin | May 29, 2007 9:32 AM
Hey, I'm going to run to get a bagel and coffee. Anyone want anything?
It's safe now. I killed the spider.
How's life 'on the edge'?
Posted by: Johnny V | May 29, 2007 9:38 AM
"Jump!"
Posted by: Eric | May 29, 2007 9:42 AM
"My name is Toulouse-Lautrec and I would love to sketch you."
Posted by: Jim M | May 29, 2007 9:49 AM
"Where are the Indian and the construction worker? Sorry, guys, but when I hire the Village People to commit suicide, I want all the Village People or the deal's off."
Posted by: Tom | May 29, 2007 10:46 AM
sorry, didn't see the previous Village People captions before I posted. My bad.
Posted by: Tom | May 29, 2007 10:48 AM
"This is the best St. Patrick's Day ever!"
"It's okay, I found my contact lens."
"Seriously? You guys live together on a houseboat? How cool is that! Do you solve crimes, too?"
"Sorry, I'm looking for an astronaut, a judge, and a graphic designer."
"Go on, you're free now! Fly away home!"
Posted by: TG Gibbon | May 29, 2007 10:55 AM
"The first one to make it all the way around the building will be entitled to five hundred thousand dollars and my unfaithful wife. On your mark..."
Posted by: J | May 29, 2007 11:12 AM
"What? The city has been indiscriminately littered with magnetic shavings? This could only be the work of the fiendish Wooly Willy!"
Posted by: J | May 29, 2007 11:19 AM
I'm sure The New Yorker will pick your captions next time. You guys are the epitome of "droll".
Posted by: therblig | May 29, 2007 11:58 AM
"The elevator's fixed."
Posted by: Tim H | May 29, 2007 12:28 PM
"It's OK, the EPA has assured us that your exposure to harmful inhalants on 'The Pile' will not significantly affect your life expectancy."
"Have any of you seen the window washer? I'd like a word with him."
"Do you mind if I tape this for 'America's Funniest Home Videos'?"
Posted by: jamie | May 29, 2007 12:43 PM
"Hey fellas, wanna hear a great joke? A fireman, a cop, and a priest walk onto a ledge. The priest says, 'hey, what are we doing here?' So the cop says, 'I don't know, I was just following this fireman.' Then the fireman says, 'Some guy with no legs told me there was a good view from here.' Then the guy with no legs pushed them all off the edge, and they fell to their deaths."
Posted by: Harry | May 29, 2007 1:27 PM
I've been told that on a clear day you can see forever.
Just kidding... I am not really gay.
Posted by: Johnny V | May 29, 2007 2:12 PM
So this is what they mean by Sophie's Choice.
Posted by: Buck | May 29, 2007 2:23 PM
"First responders, I'll say! - I just hung up with the hotline!"
Posted by: stcoleridge | May 29, 2007 2:24 PM
I just ask one thing of each of you: Please, leave a beautiful corpse.
Posted by: Buck | May 29, 2007 2:33 PM
Good effort guys, but he actually just shot himself.
Posted by: Ben | May 29, 2007 2:33 PM
"My legs are hanging through the ceiling of the apartment below; is that a crime, a need for extrication, or cause for religious counseling?"
Posted by: stcoleridge | May 29, 2007 2:35 PM
Anti-Caption Contest #79 reference #2: "Just be really careful about the elevator shaft when you come back inside."
Posted by: stcoleridge | May 29, 2007 2:59 PM
No no- I think you SHOULD do it. I'm just saying, I think you'll look much cuter if you're holding hands.
Posted by: Anonymous | May 29, 2007 3:47 PM
Think of the hurt you're about to cause. Please come back inside.
Posted by: EmilyMil | May 29, 2007 3:50 PM
Oh great, if you three jump, then who the hell am I supposed to call?
Posted by: The Mullet | May 29, 2007 4:09 PM
"I'm really sorry I farted, fellas. Please come back in."
Posted by: The Mullet | May 29, 2007 4:13 PM
"You can threaten all you want, but I am NOT going to put that Indian suit back on."
Posted by: The Mullet | May 29, 2007 4:17 PM
"How long have you been out here? If it looked like I was masturbating in there -- heh heh -- I wasn't. Ahmmmm. I was cold and trying to start a friction fire with my johnson. Yeah, that't ist. Heh heh."
Posted by: The Mullet | May 29, 2007 4:22 PM
"Lindsay turns 21 in one month, fellas. We need you all at the top of your games."
Posted by: Kevin Guilfoile | May 29, 2007 4:23 PM
If you're all going to jump anyhow, can I have your hat and boots, your badge and gun, and your treasure in the Kingdom of Heaven?
Wait! I have a confession to make! The fireman can listen too, though it doesn't really concern him.
Now stand still while I tattoo Batman symbols on your asses through the holes in the wall, and I'll give you the next letter of the place I buried those little girls alive.
The two of you who collect the most flags on the way down will make it into the finals.
Posted by: Walt | May 29, 2007 4:33 PM
"Budget cuts?"
Posted by: The Mullet | May 29, 2007 4:55 PM
"Better to be legless then ledgeless, that's what I always say"
Posted by: mobuck | May 29, 2007 5:30 PM
"Gentlemen, gentlemen, you don't have to jump. We can have good, clean public-employees unions where a fellow can make an honest buck for an honest day's work, with no favoritism or gouging or sandbagging, just respect for the working man. All we have to do is stick together and stand up to the . . . wait . . . here's Karl Malden dressed as a priest. He'll explain it to you."
Posted by: jmt | May 29, 2007 5:50 PM
"Did you guys hear about The New Yorker cartoonist with hemophilia? He tried to cure himself with acupuncture."
Posted by: Tim H | May 29, 2007 6:05 PM
"Who ever picked last week's anti-caption winner, please take a step forward."
Posted by: al in la | May 29, 2007 6:17 PM
"Psst! I didn't jump! I'm in here!Heh heh."
Posted by: Dave | May 29, 2007 7:57 PM
"Psst! I didn't jump! I'm in here!Heh heh."
Posted by: Dave | May 29, 2007 7:57 PM
“Of course, the sex with 70 virgins won’t apply to you, Father O’Malley.”
Posted by: dwilk | May 29, 2007 8:25 PM
"Do it! Through spectacle suicide you'll inherit a level of fame and notoriety none of you could even dream of achieving within the confines of your sad everyday lives."
Posted by: David John | May 29, 2007 10:44 PM
"Um, I mean I wouldn't say any of you have like a fantastic reason to go on living . . . "
Posted by: David John | May 29, 2007 11:10 PM
I felt the need to warn you: our ledge is a clip-on.
Posted by: 99 | May 29, 2007 11:50 PM
I've come to say goodbye to the Ledge Boys, fellas. The Supercuts Barbershop quartet had an opening for a baritone, *and* they pay benefits.
Posted by: Shawn | May 30, 2007 12:05 AM
"The good news is, this is gonna be ledgenday."
Posted by: Brian L | May 30, 2007 2:43 AM
I know, having two sex in the city ripoffs next season sounds like crazy talk, but the programming execs know what they are doing.
Posted by: Brian L | May 30, 2007 2:53 AM
"Let me be the first to say the towers here are obscene."
Posted by: jmt | May 30, 2007 3:03 AM
"Help! A young boy started a doughnut on fire!"
Posted by: LV | May 30, 2007 8:35 AM
Has anyone seen my foot cart?
Posted by: Joe | May 30, 2007 10:52 AM
Were you guys standing there the whole time I was performing an abortion while shredding my overdue parking tickets and lighting the office on fire?
Posted by: Joe | May 30, 2007 10:59 AM
In my defense, Simon only said "look to your right," not "slip off and die."
Posted by: Joe | May 30, 2007 11:01 AM
"Okay, your bachelorette is ready. Sorry about the waiting room, but the network budget cuts, you know."
Posted by: Francis | May 30, 2007 11:15 AM
"Did you know that suicide is self-medication for depression?"
"So I take it you've all met the tiger on the filing cabinet."
"We're all white and we're all men - that's sooooooo New Yorker."
"I'm a shrink - what of it?"
Posted by: Jim M | May 30, 2007 11:49 AM
Hey fellas, dealing with pigeonshit was bad enough. But priestshit, copshit, and firemanshit? The pedestrians are complaining more than ever.
Posted by: kejo | May 30, 2007 12:18 PM
I'm not wearing any pants, so if I start to slip, please please please grab my genitals. In fact, just to be on the safe side, why don't you grab them right now. All three of you. We could even go back into the lounge where it's cozier.
Sorry, but this is the office of Crosshatch Jackets - all Stipple Jacket afficionados go up against the wall! We are quite nazi like that.
Excuse me guys, but I had left a written "MANKOFF" on the corner of this ledge...you didn't happen to accidentally kick it off, did you? I'm specifically looking at the fireman guy right now.
Posted by: kejo | May 30, 2007 1:21 PM
"So, on the count of 'three.' Ready? 'ONE. TWO...'"
Posted by: Michael in la | May 30, 2007 3:42 PM
"Screw this guys, they have a better competition upstairs--one with celebrities!"
Posted by: al in la | May 30, 2007 3:55 PM
The doctor wins because when I said "Simon says jump" and only one of you listened.
Posted by: deliverator | May 30, 2007 5:30 PM
The doctor wins because when I said "Simon says jump" only one of you listened.
Posted by: deliverator | May 30, 2007 5:30 PM
"But you have so much to live for! You just need, you know...a more modern tailor."
Posted by: Michael in la | May 30, 2007 7:18 PM
"I know that surviving 9/11 really effected you guys, but this isn't the answer."
Posted by: Sam L. | May 30, 2007 7:55 PM
“Can you guys show me the quickest way to 34th Street?”
Posted by: dwilk | May 30, 2007 8:47 PM
By "long-A" I was referring phonetically, not temporally -- more like "A" as in "save" rather than "a" for a long time so it's like "Y...M...C...A," not "Y...M...C...Aaaaaaaaaahh!"
Posted by: Jason Olshefsky | May 30, 2007 9:30 PM
"Oh, who are the people in your neighborhood?
In your neighborhood?
In your neighborhood?
Say, who are the people in your neighborhood?
The people that you meet each day?"
Posted by: Deborah | May 30, 2007 10:25 PM
This is the 33rd floor of WEST 56th st...
Posted by: Diann Booth | May 31, 2007 12:10 AM
"Have you guys thought about how the image of your brains splattered all over the sidewalk will haunt the dreams of the smaller children watching below?"
Posted by: David John | May 31, 2007 1:04 AM
"Look, you don't win an anti-caption contest by dyin for your cliché, you win it by makin some other dumb bastard die for his! Now come back inside."
Posted by: al in la | May 31, 2007 3:39 AM
"Gentlemen, the wizard will see you now. Today he's granting a brain, a heart, and courage to lust after consenting adults- you guys sort out who gets what."
Posted by: LV | May 31, 2007 9:49 AM
"...and when you feel my hand, cough."
Posted by: LV | May 31, 2007 10:14 AM
"You're right. It is fun to stay here. But standing on the ledges is against our safety policies."
Posted by: mypalmike | May 31, 2007 5:37 PM
Anti-Caption Contest #72 reference #1:
"He's on a high-wire at the other end of the building. I wouldn't worry though. I think he just went out for coffee."
Posted by: mypalmike | May 31, 2007 5:48 PM
"Absolutely. Your life insurance policies definitely cover suicide."
Posted by: mypalmike | May 31, 2007 5:58 PM
"All right, look: NOBODY gets the couch. You'll all sit in chairs until you can agree to take turns. Public service scmublic service. Jesus! Oh, sorry father."
Posted by: Michael in LA | June 1, 2007 10:50 AM
You can come back inside. Dr. Kevorkian has been released from prison.
Posted by: stan | June 1, 2007 3:24 PM
"Thank you Mario, Luigi, and a priest! But our princess is in another castle!"
Posted by: firebus | June 1, 2007 6:19 PM
Alright, when you hear Mayor Giuliani say "9/11" to the reporters, you come in from the window, smiling, alright?
Posted by: Irishmickey | June 2, 2007 7:05 PM
Can I have your tee time tomorrow?
Posted by: Tom | June 2, 2007 8:05 PM
"Why not write your memoirs instead? You could still have your life flash before your eyes (just a lot slower), still be alive, and maybe even make a few bucks. And if you lied a lot you could be on Oprah."
Posted by: Dave | June 2, 2007 9:31 PM
"Why not write your memoirs instead? You could still have your life flash before your eyes (just a lot slower), still be alive, and maybe even make a few bucks. And if you lied a lot you could be on Oprah."
Posted by: Dave | June 2, 2007 9:31 PM
Oops...sorry.
Posted by: Dave | June 2, 2007 9:33 PM
"Come inside, fellows. This isn't funny."
"Lighten up--it's St. Patrick's Day!" [apologies to Gibbon]
"I'm sorry--the nest-building class was cancelled after the teacher flew off with Jeff Cronin."
Posted by: David F | June 3, 2007 10:59 AM
"The carpet's dry now."
Posted by: greg | June 3, 2007 12:20 PM
"Oh really, you're triplets are you? That must have been expensive for your parents, three extra mouths to feed, three sets of clothes, what with hand me downs being being rather quick in route down to the youngest. Yes must have been expensive, indeed, from the look of you all, it doesn't look like they could afford a decent education for the three of you either. Anyway, do you mind awfully if I shut this window, it's terribly draughty."
Posted by: Mark | June 3, 2007 8:40 PM
"Quite why the architect decided to place windows on he floor is anyone's guess. Daft if you ask me, but the cat seems to like it."
Posted by: Mark | June 3, 2007 9:06 PM
"So let me get this straight, the vicar came up here to talk the bloke down, the policeman came to save the vicar from the roman catholic, and you pushed the fucker off?"
Posted by: Mark | June 3, 2007 9:19 PM