The girls of Clique may flirt chastely on MySpace, but so far they have resisted entreaties to unfold the delicate petals of their official web site. Fortunately, as Melanie Martinez taught us, it doesn't count if you slip in through the back door.
So what can we learn from the hidden home of Ariel, Destinee and Paris? (It's annoying, but one must use their names in every post or else Googlers will never find it. One thing Brian Lukow got right was the importance of choosing a name that will top search results right off the bat.) Well for starters, these girls love to have their pictures taken. Or at least, Sal Dupree loves to take their pictures. Seriously, one page of photos would probably be sufficient. (There is some evidence that Cousin Dupree is not actually the mastermind behind Clique, but for my purposes he'll do; more on that later.)
In the bio, there is some information that got taken out of the MySpace version, most notably that before Clique, Ariel Moore and Destinee Monroe were in a "girl pop singing group" with "another young girl from Connecticut." Anyone with details on this proto-Clique is requested to please pass them on.
But let's cut to the chase. If you leave the bio page open for a few minutes � or you may have to click on the MTV Overdrive link and then wait � you'll be treated to samples of several previously unheard Clique songs. I think these girls have recorded more songs than Huckapoo did in their entire career (and released just as many albums!). Admittedly, some of these are half-assed ballads, but the opening track is an insanely infectious dance number that deserves to go straight to the top of the pop tart charts. Go ahead and check it out, you will not be able to get it out of your head.
That said, the song's lyrics raise some important questions, which I will address after the jump. Join me there. It'll be fun. As an enticement, there's a photo of Destinee looking totally metal.
The problem with this song is not, as you might initially think, the bridge. That's the part where the nine, 11 and 12 year old girls sing, "There's something 'bout them boys that makes me..." with the sound of panting finishing the line. I have no concerns about that. That's fucking perfect.
No, my concern is with the earworm chorus: "Hey mother, mother, can I have a dollar/So I can go to the party where them boys they pop they collars."
(I can't find the title of this song anywhere, but I think it's a safe bet that it's The Ballad of the Party Where Them Boys They Pop They Collars.)
On the surface this chorus seems perfectly sensible, but I'd like to ask the Cliquettes some questions if I may.
� Why exactly do you need the dollar? Are they charging admission to this party? Nobody charges for a party unless they're serving alcohol, and two of you are too young to be drinking. Besides, even when there is a charge, cute girls never pay. That's a party rule.
� Is the dollar for transportation to the party? If so, are you taking a mule? You can't even buy a metrocard for a dollar, much less hail a taxi.
� Don't you get an allowance? Do you get paid for any of those Radio Disney gigs? How hard is it to manage your money so that when there's an important party, you have four quarters saved up without having to ask your mom. Also, by the time you reach nine, you should know that "so I can go to the party" is not going to get you anywhere with the parental units. Next time try, "Hey mother, mother, I'm going to the party where them boys they pop they collars. I'll be home by ten, but sometimes some of the older kids drink wine coolers and I'm worried about getting a ride home with them. Can I have seven dollars for a car service if I need it?" And, yes, ask for seven. She'll give you 10.
� This isn't a question, but: you don't want to go to a party with boys who pop they collars. Popping collars is totally gay. Popping collars was what losers who thought they were cool did back in 1984. Is this party taking place in 1984? That might explain why the subway only costs a dollar.
� Come to think of it, you didn't say you wanted to go to a party "with them boys who pop they collars," but rather "where them boys they pop they collars," suggesting that collar popping is to be some kind of party activity. This is really not a party you want to go to. Acceptable party activities for kids your age include baking brownies, watching R-rated horror movies (violence only, no nudity), playing spin the bottle (no tongue), filming yourself dancing around in your underwear for YouTube, and getting drunk on wine coolers. Collar popping? No.
� I'm also uncomfortable with the suggestion that the boys will be the center of attention at this party, with the girls' only role to sit there and admire them while they pop they collars. This seems at odds with your mission statement, "to be roll models for this generation helping to create future leaders through our positive music and confident attitude." Every aspiring girl pop star should know that girls will never be leaders until they can make themselves the center of attention at parties. These boys should be paying you a dollar to watch you pop your collars. Or, better yet, to watch you pop each other's collars. While filming it for YouTube. That's empowerment.
Next week, we'll work on grammar.
