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Presenting Clique in "Image is Everything," with your host, Cousin Sal Dupree.

"OK, ladies, this Juli B. party is gonna be your red carpet debut. It's a big deal. Dominique Swain will be there. Whaddayamean ya never heard of Dominique Swain? She played Lolita. You know Lolita, right? Come to my office later and we'll Google it. Anyways, the first thing you gotta learn is how to pose for the paparazzi. You only get one chance to make a first impression, even if that impression is "retarded pirates." Now, get together. What's the short one's name? That's right, Paris. In the middle. Let's have a little physical contact. Someone put her arm around Paris. No, not the sister. That's too creepy. You, the other one, Ariel. Great. Destinee, give me The Look. Betty Bacall, that's what look. Chin down, eyes up. Kids these days! Now, how 'bout a little Claudette Colbert. Your knee, bend one knee a little bit. 'Cause it's sexy, that's why. You're almost teenagers dammit, start acting like it. There! That's perfect! Now remember: whenever you see a camera, pose exactly like this."

"Wait, something's missing. The outfits. They're too... plain. Yes, plain. You look practically Amish, fercrissake. I know, anyone got any sunglasses? There we go!"

"Now just make sure they spell your names right. I worked hard to come up with those, no matter what this guy says. This is ain't no MySpace now, this is the big leagues."

Update: Now practice holding the pose even if some creepy old guy sneaks into the frame and grabs your ass.

Posted by Daniel Radosh

12:58 PM