The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #88
Submit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon. Click here for details. Click here to see last week's results.
Winner
"Brains! Brains! No, not DOG brains. Is your owner home?" —Deborah
Finalists
"We're here for your owner's wake. It was our honor and privilege to have worked with your best friend over these past fifteen years. I'm very sorry for your loss." —David John
"No, we're not Hare Krishnas who went to the trouble of disguising ourselves. That's ridiculous krishna krishna hare hare." —nell
Honorable mention
"Are you surprised to see me Mr. Anderson, or do you find the script to The Matrix: RE/MAX easier to follow than I do?" —Kevin Guilfoile
"Hello -- I can see you looking through the mail slot. I read your casual encounters ad on Craigslist and dressed up just like you said. Apparently I'm not the only one. Could you please call off your dog? It's making me nervous and I having a hard time maintaining my erection when I'm nervous." —Francis
"Sure, we're NP-hard, but are we NP-complete? —jb
"Master we have returned. You were correct. With the right sales team, you most certainly can sell dog shit to the American public." —al in la
"I know what you're thinking. What's with the look-a-likes right? Well you know that myth that all asian men look alike, well i'm not sure if we're Asian but we do have the same taste in meat if you catch my drift." —Grant
"I was an actor. Wile E. Coyote was just a role I played. I'm retired now. What are you people, morons?"—J.D.
Comments
I got in line at 7 freaking AM - when does this stupid gang bang start?
Posted by: LW | February 26, 2007 9:45 AM
Pssst...okay, so on the count of three, you tear that assclown Morgan's throat out - he's two spots behind me - that'll teach that motherfucker to leave his lasagna in the office fridge!
Posted by: junior | February 26, 2007 9:53 AM
Hello Dog, would like to buy and Acme?
Posted by: FD | February 26, 2007 10:17 AM
"This totally sucks - the only house on the block without a doorbell and this dog is preventing me from making my quota!"
"Come on you stupid dog - I just wanted to stick my dick in the mail slot."
Posted by: Tiberius | February 26, 2007 10:18 AM
"What's that girl? Timmy's stuck in the old mine?"
Posted by: Tim H | February 26, 2007 10:19 AM
Here, doggie. All those orders on the Internet... we never knew.
Posted by: Anatoly | February 26, 2007 10:19 AM
"Is it true, Lassie? Anna Nicole has passed away?"
Posted by: gary | February 26, 2007 10:41 AM
Go ahead, sniff our butts. I bet you still can't tell us apart...
Posted by: simsburybear | February 26, 2007 10:58 AM
"Between you and me, Cesar Millan is a fucking asshole."
Posted by: znufrii | February 26, 2007 11:05 AM
"You can kill me, but more will come!"
Posted by: Francis | February 26, 2007 11:09 AM
"Is the coyote of the house available?"
Posted by: gary | February 26, 2007 11:14 AM
Just knock me over backwards and your work is done.
Posted by: Get the door, it's Dominos | February 26, 2007 11:14 AM
"Hello, I'm just going to assume you're a talking dog and ask if you're interested in purchasing some time-lapse photography equipment."
Posted by: Francis | February 26, 2007 11:32 AM
"And that's the story of the malfunction down at the cloning laboratory. Anyway, gotta go. Can't stand around talking to dogs all day!"
Posted by: Dan McCoy | February 26, 2007 11:49 AM
"Hi. Can we use your bathroom?"
Posted by: Vance | February 26, 2007 12:16 PM
Every day the same thing: I put on this stupid hat and try to peddle a briefcase full of useless crap to whatever angry bitch answers the door, and the whole time the competition just crawling up my ass...
Posted by: Brad Bannister | February 26, 2007 12:25 PM
"Are you the dog that built a better mousetrap? I'm here to sell you some liability insurance."
Posted by: Vance | February 26, 2007 12:26 PM
Okay fellas, as soon as I can entice ol' Fido here to start humping my leg, the rest of you rush in for the sell...
Posted by: Brad Bannister | February 26, 2007 12:29 PM
In contrast to Bob Barker, Howie Mandell gives you a deal or no deal option on the neutering thing.
Posted by: Joe | February 26, 2007 12:29 PM
(From the back of the line)
"Hurry up, Joe! Just make friends with him! Bend over and let him sniff your butt!!"
Posted by: Brad Bannister | February 26, 2007 12:33 PM
"Okay, boys, staring him down doesn't seem to be working. Why don't we all just go home, lay on the couch and admit that we are unskilled and tragically annoying morons?"
Posted by: Brian Victor | February 26, 2007 12:40 PM
"Aw jeez. I know I've said it a thousand times, but I'll say it a thousand more: May Kenneth Lay smoke a turd in Hell for what he's done to us..."
Posted by: Brad Bannister | February 26, 2007 12:45 PM
"Are you the bitch with all the pimples?"
Posted by: al in la | February 26, 2007 12:49 PM
Damn it, the Jehova's witnesses have already been here.
Posted by: Joe | February 26, 2007 12:52 PM
"Yeah, well... the law of large numbers says you will buy some cutlery"
Posted by: Dick Trimble | February 26, 2007 12:59 PM
"Chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga WOO-WOOOOOOOOO!!!"
Posted by: J | February 26, 2007 1:04 PM
"Are you surprised to see me Mr. Anderson, or do you find the script to The Matrix: RE/MAX easier to follow than I do?""
Posted by: Kevin Guilfoile | February 26, 2007 1:13 PM
No, little doggie, I'm not here to sell anything, and of course I'm alone.
Posted by: Jake | February 26, 2007 1:36 PM
"Social Services cleverly disguised as salesmen, thank God! If they keep me home from school one more day and force me to dress up in this weird dog costume, I'll never make it out of the first grade."
Posted by: David John | February 26, 2007 2:10 PM
"Brains! Brains! No, not DOG brains. Is your owner home?"
Posted by: Deborah | February 26, 2007 2:23 PM
Sure, we're NP-hard, but are we NP-complete ?
Posted by: jb | February 26, 2007 2:31 PM
"As a matter of fact, we do evolve slowly on my planet. Why do you ask?"
Posted by: Mark | February 26, 2007 2:36 PM
"If you're over 49, you really should consider long-term life insurance."
Posted by: David John | February 26, 2007 2:52 PM
Sit.
Posted by: Andrew | February 26, 2007 3:01 PM
"I think he might be a spaniel/Australian shepherd mix."
"We're here to teach you the true meaning of 'purebred'."
"You may bite one of us. You may bite a hundred of us. But we will keep coming. The women will remove our bleeding bodies. With every bite, your moral standing in the eyes of the world will fall. And in the end, British colonial rule will fall too."
Posted by: Rubrick | February 26, 2007 3:22 PM
"I understand that while dogs do not see in color, strictly speaking, the augment given to their understanding of the world by their wonderful smelling power gives them the ability to 'see' the world in four dimensions. Bark once for yes, Rags."
"W0tz up, Biotech."
"Have you seen my sister's boyfriend? White guy, about my height, fedora and raincoat. No glasses."
Predicted real-life winner: "Acme 'Sales.' We've come about the cat problem."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | February 26, 2007 3:50 PM
"Is T.A. Winchler home?"
Posted by: stcoleridge | February 26, 2007 3:51 PM
Would you mind pooping in concentric circles into each of our briefcases? The factory is short on fake doody concentrate, so we're moving into a real doody line.
Posted by: Joe | February 26, 2007 3:52 PM
"What can I tell you? The word has gotten out about the randiness of this bonsai farmer's daughter."
Posted by: Vance | February 26, 2007 4:07 PM
"Hi, dog! I'm from Acme Sales. The guy behind me is from Acme Tales. I don't know about the others."
Posted by: John Tabin | February 26, 2007 5:22 PM
"Hello, Link! Would you like to buy directions out of the Twilight Realm so you can return to your human form?"
Posted by: John Tabin | February 26, 2007 5:28 PM
The traveling salesman problem has been solved. Unfortunately, it has led to the "horde of salesmen all following the same route at the same time" problem.
[Inspired by jb.]
Posted by: mypalmike | February 26, 2007 5:52 PM
"Oh, for Christ's sake! When I left this morning this bag said 'Lease Scam'!"
Posted by: Tim H | February 26, 2007 6:04 PM
"Well hello birthday boy! Your master mustlove you very much."
Posted by: al in la | February 26, 2007 6:11 PM
Woof woof woof arf woof.
Arf woof arf growl arf grumble -
woof woof arf woof growl.
- "Woof", a haiku about salesmen, by Fido © 2007.
Posted by: mypalmike | February 26, 2007 6:16 PM
Not again. I'll bet you ordered a bunch of bones, not clones. That damned answering service is going to hear from me, and me, and me, and me, and me, and me, and me, and...
Posted by: Amy | February 26, 2007 6:23 PM
I'm TK and so is everybody else.
Posted by: Amy | February 26, 2007 6:24 PM
I work alone.
Posted by: Amy | February 26, 2007 6:29 PM
Oui, eet eeze troo. I am zee dog who speaks wiz zee Franche acksant. Now eef yue will be so kind as to pay your five doughlures for ziss playzure of talking whiz me and kindlee step aside so zee next Homme d'Acme may have zee playzure, I will zank yue beaucoup.
Posted by: SK | February 26, 2007 6:53 PM
Yes. I am the dingo that ate the baby. You are the first in a long line of Acme Salesmen who found where I actually live. Please don't tell the authorities. I'm not up to date on my rabies vaccine, either. You don't have any infants in that briefcase by any chance do you? It's past lunchtime.
Posted by: SK | February 26, 2007 7:02 PM
...besides he never did trap the Road Runner, so I know all you guys sell useless crap.
Posted by: Anonymous | February 26, 2007 7:16 PM
Yes, here are all fifty shipments of "Acme Sales" brand cat poison.
Posted by: FDS | February 26, 2007 7:52 PM
".... which reminds me of the narcoleptic, agnostic, dyslexic who stayed awake all night pondering the existence of Dog."
Posted by: Doug | February 26, 2007 8:09 PM
We were all staying in the odd-numbered rooms of the hotel with the infinite number of rooms, down the street. Now, for some reason, we've all been sent here for the night. I guess even Martin Gardner screws up sometimes.
Posted by: Walt | February 26, 2007 8:57 PM
Oh, yeah, my father lived many years in Alaska . . . he was an adventurous man . . . we've got quite a little streak of self-reliance in our family. I thought I'd go out with my older brother and try to locate him, and maybe settle in the North with the old man. And I was almost decided to go, when I met a salesman in the Parker House. His name was Dave Singleman. And he was eighty-four years old, and he'd drummed merchandise in thirty-one states. And old Dave . . . he'd go up to his room, y' understand, put on his green velvet slippers — I'll never forget — and pick up his phone and call the buyers and without ever leaving his room, at the age of eighty-four, he made his living. And when I saw that, I realized that selling was the greatest career a man could want. 'Cause what could be more satisfying than to be able to go, at the age of eighty-four, into twenty or thirty different cities, and pick up a phone, and be remembered and loved and helped, by so many different people? Do you know, when he died — and by the way he died the death of a salesman, in his green velvet slippers in the smoker of the New York, New Haven and Hartford, going into Boston — but when he died, hundreds of salesmen and buyers were at his funeral. Things were sad on a lotta trains for months after that. (Pause.) See what I mean? In those days there was personality in it, Princess Ruffles; there was respect, and comradeship, and gratitude in it. Today, it's all cut and dried, and there's no chance for bringing friendship to bear . . . or personality. They don't know me any more.
Posted by: Dean | February 26, 2007 10:09 PM
Hi honeys, we're homogeneous!
Posted by: Dean | February 26, 2007 10:12 PM
Could I speak with the bitch of the house please?
Posted by: Dave | February 26, 2007 10:17 PM
"We're here for your owner's wake. It was our honor and privilege to have worked with your best friend over these past fifteen years. I'm very sorry for your loss."
Posted by: David John | February 27, 2007 1:55 AM
If I enlist all the other salesmen to gang up and beat the dog to death, I may no longer be the first to get the door, but I'll have a much better chance of reaching the door at all. Thus, holding my position at the front of the line is not a Nash equilibrium, while ganging up and attacking the dog is. Sorry doggy: Game Theory proves that you are going to die.
Posted by: John Tabin | February 27, 2007 2:40 AM
Look, you asshole. Being the first salesman in line, you'll be beaten to death by the other salesmen long before they worry about me. Game Theory proves it. Maybe your Nash equilibrium needs a new gyroscope shoved up your ass, eh? As a child, did you light a lot of fires? I bet you're a cannibal, right? Run off before I grab your balls and rip them off, you cold, disgusting bastard.
Posted by: Doggy | February 27, 2007 4:30 AM
"But, unlike Lick-O-The-Irish, Lick-No-More, and Lickity Split, the Acme Lickmaster licks your balls for you."
Posted by: Doug | February 27, 2007 7:40 AM
"I'm so sorry to hear about your scrotum. Anyway, keep away from snakes snakes snakes snakes snakes snakes snakes from now on on on on on on on on."
Posted by: danny | February 27, 2007 8:52 AM
Hi. We're from Acme Home Sales. We've sold 30% of every house on this block.
Posted by: Carl G. | February 27, 2007 9:58 AM
We figure after about 50 sales pitches, you'll be unconscious.
Posted by: CR | February 27, 2007 11:30 AM
The answer is "Man." You know that riddle is thousands of years old, right? All the dudes behind me probably know it too.
Posted by: Charles | February 27, 2007 12:40 PM
"Could I interest you, my good dog, in the advantages of our 103-step program?"
Posted by: Tim H | February 27, 2007 12:55 PM
Salesman: "Each of us is here to sell you a roof shingle, something that is sorely needed on all the homes in this neighborhood."
Dog: "Roof."
Salesman: "OK, boys. Looks like we got ourselves a sale."
Posted by: mypalmike | February 27, 2007 3:25 PM
"Correct us if we're wrong. But doesn't this town have a 'Maslin-Scooper' law on the books?"
Posted by: Tim H | February 27, 2007 3:51 PM
"Aw fuck. They've got a dog."
Posted by: Charles | February 27, 2007 4:51 PM
"Aren't you supposed to be surfing the Internet, cartoon dog?"
Posted by: RichM | February 27, 2007 5:00 PM
"I am Spartacus! The guy behind me is Dave. Then Kevin, Juan, and... dang it! Sorry, man, I'm blanking... Blake! Right. I don't know why I can never remember that."
Posted by: Rubrick | February 27, 2007 5:14 PM
I know what you're thinking. What's with the look-a-likes right? Well you know that myth that all asian men look alike, well i'm not sure if we're asian but we do have the same taste in meat if you catch my drift.
Posted by: Grant | February 27, 2007 5:36 PM
"Yes, Hi. We're here to see last week's winner. Could you please get off your lazy ass and go retrieve, dawg."
(And yes I realive "Acme" is not the same as "Acne." So enough with the emails!!)
Posted by: al in la | February 27, 2007 7:56 PM
Go forth and bring me the head of the one called Acme.
Posted by: Dave | February 27, 2007 8:18 PM
"OK, let's see...the last guy can see all the hats except his own, so if all the hats were white, he'd know his own is black, but he doesn't announce his hat color, so not all hats are white...or maybe every other hat is white? Hold on, are there an odd or even number of salesmen? Crap, I'm not getting this job, am I?"
Posted by: DonBoy | February 27, 2007 10:22 PM
Just imagine how much more efficient you'll be with the new Acme Clone-o-Matic!
Posted by: Maxwell Hammer | February 27, 2007 11:23 PM
“Gosh, he’s been in there an awful long time, don’t you think? How many tries do they let you have? You wouldn’t think that – well, it’s a Fuller brush, right? Lodged in an anvil? A few quick tugs, you should know whether or not you could pull it out. There’s no sense going at it forever. The guy before didn’t take nearly as long, now, did he? In and out. But this has been – what? Ten? Fifteen minutes? And nothing, nothing. I mean, I hope everything’s all right in there. That no one got hurt. I do wish everyone the best. It’s just that we’ve all been waiting out here such a very long time, and we all deserve a chance. Sure, maybe – ha ha! – maybe, that was him. He did have that chosen look about him, didn’t he, ha ha. Ha. Oh, God. That’s it, isn’t it? He’s in there, waving the brush around whilst everyone bows down and... and... I should have known I wasn’t the Rightwise President Born of Acme Sales. Mum always said I wouldn’t amount to anything. I don’t know why I even bother.”
Posted by: J | February 28, 2007 2:10 AM
"My keen canine sense of smell tells me you are uncircumsized, and that delights me."
Posted by: J.D. | February 28, 2007 3:10 AM
"We'd like to show you our line of portable Blow-up Bitches: Toy and Terrier Breeds."
Posted by: LV | February 28, 2007 9:19 AM
"I come from a long line of traveling salesmen, of which I'm the tallest."
Posted by: LV | February 28, 2007 9:37 AM
"All together now, gentlemen: 'WALKIES!'"
Posted by: Tim H | February 28, 2007 11:26 AM
"Aw, come on. Please let me in - I know I've used up my five captions but my sixth is really, really going to rock!"
Posted by: Vance (who has not actually used up his 5) | February 28, 2007 12:09 PM
"Please tell Ms. Noda that we're ready."
Posted by: J | February 28, 2007 12:42 PM
Yeah, but mine are non-fat and taste like kitten
Posted by: Vin Coca | February 28, 2007 3:02 PM
"Can I assume you've heard this pitch before."
Posted by: Vin Coca | February 28, 2007 3:04 PM
"Would you agree to let me sell you to a Korean diner?"
Posted by: Vin Coca | February 28, 2007 3:16 PM
"I was an actor. Wile E. Coyote was a just role I played. I'm retired now. What are you people, morons?"
Posted by: J.D. | February 28, 2007 3:54 PM
"Really? Who only has one dog anymore?"
Posted by: Eric | February 28, 2007 4:03 PM
Shoulda coulda woulda said " ... just a role I played ... " (like it matters).
Posted by: J.D. | February 28, 2007 4:03 PM
"Yeah, right, don't look behind me. Like I haven't heard that a thousand times before."
Posted by: Eric | February 28, 2007 4:04 PM
"This management consultant once told us that at a lot of good companies, all the top brass spends one day a month working at the bottom of the corporate ladder to see how the business was really run. Today they're all with me. Though, somehow, I don't think this is what the consultant meant.
Posted by: Eric | February 28, 2007 4:08 PM
That's right, a union! There's a dog just like you on every stoop of every house as far as the eye can see! Imagine the collective bargaining power we'll have if we all...work...TOGETHER!
Posted by: firebus | February 28, 2007 4:14 PM
"Affirmative Action, my ass!"
Posted by: josh coop | February 28, 2007 4:28 PM
"Sorry buddy, the Wife Swap casting call is on 6th Avenue."
Posted by: Josh Coop | February 28, 2007 4:52 PM
"Smellmyassforadollar says what?"
Posted by: josh coop | February 28, 2007 4:55 PM
"So I'm really gonna be able to lick my own balls after this?"
Posted by: josh coop | February 28, 2007 5:00 PM
Hey, Daniel, I notice that my honorable mention from last week lost its italics when it was listed at the top. Does that mean we should avoid formatting in these?
[Not a caption submission, though it's not bad, actually...]
Posted by: Rubrick | February 28, 2007 5:13 PM
Rubrick -- no, it was better with the itals, but I had like two minutes to finally get around to posting the results and putting in tags seemed like more trouble than it was worth. I have two more minutes now, so maybe I'll go back and do it.
Also not a caption submission.
But since I'm here: anyone who accuses me of playing favorites doesn't get to win the contest...
Posted by: radosh | February 28, 2007 5:21 PM
"Listen pooch, you bark one time and one time only for each of us when we knock on the door. Understood? Thanks, now go get your owner for me."
Posted by: David G. | February 28, 2007 6:34 PM
“Well, Scraps, would you like to see some photos of the last dog that tried to block our entrance?”
Posted by: Doug | February 28, 2007 7:04 PM
"What do you mean, 'I couldn't sell fried chicken in Harlem?'"
Posted by: a black guy, so its okay | February 28, 2007 8:23 PM
"I'm telling you dawg, we're here for you. We're the "acme dawg bonz" sales force that'll bone the competition, dawg."
Posted by: Gordon | February 28, 2007 9:49 PM
"A burgler alarm won't make you obsolete. Can an alarm wag its tail when his master comes home? Curl up at his feet? Lick peanut butter from his balls?"
"Oh, you thought this was a talking dog joke. No, no, no, it's a traveling salesman joke."
"No, we're not Hare Krishnas who went to the trouble of disguising ourselves. That's ridiculous krishna krishna hare hare."
Posted by: nell | February 28, 2007 10:38 PM
Acme Sales -- we won't take 'no' for an answer.
Posted by: Dex | February 28, 2007 10:42 PM
"Heels!"
Posted by: David F. | March 1, 2007 12:51 AM
"Hi, I'm Harry Marshall with Acme Sales. And these are my twelve obsessive roommates whose twin brothers all died at birth. Is your owner home?"
Posted by: David John | March 1, 2007 2:19 AM
Why, this is an eminently ridculous situation. There are dozens of identical people lined up behind me, and here I am talkng to you-- a dog!
Posted by: Anthony | March 1, 2007 4:57 AM
"I know. A mail slot, a rounded door, a handle instead of a knob, and yes he calls me 'Spuds McKenzie' what can I say, but the guy is a traditionalist."
Posted by: FD | March 1, 2007 6:48 AM
"Our air fresheners are guaranteed to kill any odor caused by pets or humans. You know, Caucasians. You don't have a maid or anything, do you?"
Posted by: Your mother-in-law | March 1, 2007 10:31 AM
"I had a pet Blowfish once. I sure do miss her."
Posted by: Just Bob | March 1, 2007 10:48 AM
"Did you know this machine say's... Hello Dave?"
Posted by: Diane from Spencer who must have suffered a traumatic head injury at some point | March 1, 2007 10:53 AM
"I'm Willy Loman and I was wondering if I could die here."
Posted by: Boom | March 1, 2007 10:58 AM
It's ok, I don't live here I'm just taking a shit on the porch.
Posted by: Pyn | March 1, 2007 11:28 AM
"The old woman who lives in a shoe. Surely you know her. The one who has so many children she doesn't know what to do? Well, we're the fathers of those children, and we're back in town to claim what is rightfully ours, and we don't mean children."
Posted by: danny | March 1, 2007 12:24 PM
"Master we have returned. You were correct. With the right sales team, you most certainly can sell dog shit to the American public."
Posted by: al in la | March 1, 2007 1:13 PM
"See multiple images, do you? Well, you could get a costly and invasive veterinary evaluation, or simply try Acme Medicated Eye Drops."
Posted by: LR | March 1, 2007 2:23 PM
Sir dog, we are conducting a house-to-house survey in the attempt of finding out the answer to one of life's mysteries, namely, 'Why was the character in the movie M*A*S*H called "Hot Lips" O'HOULIHAN, but in the TV series "Hot Lips" HOULIHAN?'"
Posted by: Tim H | March 1, 2007 5:25 PM
"Hello -- I can see you looking through the mail slot. I read your casual encounters ad on Craigslist and dressed up just like you said. Apparently I'm not the only one. Could you please call off your dog? It's making me nervous and I having a hard time maintaining my erection when I'm nervous."
Posted by: Francis | March 1, 2007 6:26 PM
Posted by: tito | March 1, 2007 7:56 PM
"This is such a coincidence. My wife is a dog too."
Posted by: Doug | March 1, 2007 8:18 PM
"Good morning, sir. Can you direct us to 310 Maple Street?"
"Okay, you're a talking dog. I get it. But you know if there were a 'New Yorker Book of Arthropod Cartoons,' I'd be talking to a tarantula right now."
Posted by: jmt | March 2, 2007 2:08 AM
What the fuck?
Posted by: Tom | March 2, 2007 9:16 AM
Well, that would explain why he killed himself right after she was born.
Posted by: Dog | March 2, 2007 3:40 PM
"God, just tell me you're really Rin Tin Tin and I'll make everyone else go away!"
"Aha! So you haven't seen
mirrors for dogs before!"
"Hey geniuses! The convention is at 444 NORTH
Civic Center Place!"
Posted by: Greg | March 2, 2007 8:03 PM
So I'm standing in line thinking...what if one of these briefcases had a million dollars and one had a penny and...oh, forget it. Stupid idea. You're a good dog, Howie.
Posted by: Dex | March 2, 2007 9:52 PM
Standard deal Rex - you cozy up to an old lady with Alzheimers and we give you 30% on every case of dog biscuits she buys.
Posted by: Shawn | March 2, 2007 11:05 PM
We got here at 09:26 AM liked you asked. Now what?
Posted by: Mike | March 3, 2007 1:27 AM
Who let the salemen out? Woof, woof, woof, woof!
Posted by: Shawn | March 3, 2007 1:27 AM
(that should be - duh)
Who let the salesmen out? Woof, woof, woof, woof!
Posted by: Shawn | March 3, 2007 1:29 AM
"All you dogs look alike to me." "Me too." "Me too." "Me too." "Me too." "Me too." "Me too." ...
Posted by: Boom | March 3, 2007 3:12 AM
"So what's it gonna be boy, multiple belly rubs or multiple concussions?"
Posted by: al in la | March 3, 2007 3:47 AM
"I, too, just want to evangelize the word of Daniel Radosh, God among men."
[what?]
Posted by: RichM | March 3, 2007 10:46 AM
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Posted by: Walt | March 3, 2007 12:09 PM
"Those auditioning for "The Pursued Salesman", the first canine-produced musical, are to line up on YOUR left, jackasses!"
Posted by: Greg | March 3, 2007 12:15 PM
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Posted by: Walt | March 3, 2007 12:15 PM
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Posted by: Walt | March 3, 2007 12:15 PM
Walt? Enough. We got it.
Posted by: Anonymous | March 3, 2007 2:32 PM
Walt? Enough. We got it.
Posted by: Anonymous | March 3, 2007 7:51 PM
"The struggle for world domination will be fought entirely between us, between dogs and salesmen. All else is facade and illusion. Behind England stands Salesmanland, and behind France, and behind the United States. Even when we have driven the salesman out of Dogville, he remains our world enemy."
Posted by: J.D. | March 3, 2007 7:58 PM
"How many Acme salesmen does it take to change a dog's mind?"
Posted by: Doug | March 3, 2007 8:14 PM
You know about that whole "left behind" thing? Well boy, looks like we're it.
Posted by: Dex | March 3, 2007 10:04 PM
"You gotta help me. Y'see, there's a sales contest at the office. First prize is a Cadillac. Second prize is a set of steak knives. Third prize is, I'm fired. And I know you're a dog, but would you be interested in buying some prope-- No? Well, then fuck you, you fucking cocksucker."
Posted by: Tim C. | March 3, 2007 11:21 PM
(deleted scene from the Maysles brothers' "Salesman", omitted because -- even by the standards of the rest of the movie -- it was both too bizarre and too heartbreaking to include)
Posted by: Tim C. | March 3, 2007 11:24 PM
"Ha ha! Yes, you're right, that is an excellent Rip Torn impression! But enough with the small talk. Is your owner home?"
Posted by: Tim C. | March 3, 2007 11:27 PM
"Are you at least getting SAG rate?"
Posted by: Michael | March 4, 2007 1:09 PM
"OK then, so here's the deal: would you prefer being pepper sprayed 179 times, or one nice kick in the balls?"
Posted by: Michael | March 4, 2007 1:15 PM
WTF,
It MEANS The New Yorker Captions are bad, and the Anti-Captions are worse.
Posted by: Anonymous | March 5, 2007 7:58 AM