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January 27, 2007

The dubious results are in

.teaiki_cover_lg.jpg ..and the winner of the Dubiouser Achievements 2007 contest is Jesse Lansner who correctly identified four of my ten jokes in this month's Esquire.

I'm not sure what it says about me (by which I mean, I know exactly what it says about me) that virtually every contestant thought I had written the Dora the Explorer titty fucking joke. I did not. And while we're on the subject, not even graphic sex could improve that idiotic show. I've developed a pretty high tolerance for pre-school culture over the last year — to the point where I can appreciate the musical talents of The Backyardigans — but every time I am forced to see an episode of Dora, I can not fathom how such a brain-dead, unimaginitive crap fest has become the most popular programs of its type.

Also, most people gave me credit for, "And helps her remember which one is hers," which I did not write, though I sorely wish I had. My actual 10 DAs after the jump.

NOT TO MENTION A "CONTRACTUAL OBLIGATION"

AH, "CELEBRITY" THREW US OFF

WHICH IS WHY WE DON'T DO LEGALLY ELECTED PRESIDENTS IN THIS COUNTRY ANYMORE

AOL HAS 660,000 USERS?

EXCEPT WITHOUT THE CHUBBY

FORTUNATELY, EVERY ONE WAS TOO BUSY WATCHING DUDES GET KICKED IN THE BALLS ON YOUTUBE

STET? THAT FIRST E ISN'T SUPPOSED TO BE AN I?

KENNY ROGERS, FOR INSTANCE

IT WAS THE FIREWATER TALKING

IT'S RUNNING 15 POINTS BEHIND MCCAIN'S BALL SAC IN LUCITE [N.b., unfortunately this became a trick question when Esquire's web editor rendered it as "balsac," which kinda kills the joke]

Posted by Daniel Radosh

Comments

3. curses.

Contest was tougher than it looked. The odds of getting all 10 right were worse than 1 in 210 billion. You needed luck (or arguably 'skill') even to get a pair.

I'm not even sure what a "balsac" is but if they had changed it to "Balzac" that would have been the funniest bit in the whole piece.

Also, any four-year-old who has actually endured an episode of Dora would have called it "cópula del pecho."

Two!

Pathetic.

Too hard, Radosh.

"And while we're on the subject, not even graphic sex could improve that idiotic show."

How about this?

Here's what I don't get about YouTubers. If you're gonna make a video for the entire world to see, why wouldn't you make your fucking bed first? It's bad enough we all know how unfunny you are. You want us to know you're a slob too?

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