The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #81
Submit the worst possible caption for this New Yorker cartoon. Click here for details. Click here to see last week's winner.
Winner
"T.A. Winchler Name Plates, Ltd. Greg speaking." —Jazzy
Finalists
"Hello, Human Resources? It's Tom Winchler in Accounting. Can you send someone down to clear away my wife's stuff? It's been over six months since Thersea Ann died, and keeping everything around as a shrine has proven to be morbid and depressing after all." —David John
"Hi, this is Winchler upstairs. Some joker stole my third desk. I'm going to lunch, and if it's not back before I return, heads are gonna roll." —Anonymous
Honorable mention
"Yes, I'd like two pepperoni and mushroom pizzas, precisely identical down to the placement of each topping, delivered by two deliverymen who look exactly the same. If you deviate from my instructions in any way, I will be forced to kill the president." —John Tabin
"Here we see a classic except from Dd's textbook of photography, showing what happens when the camera is unstable and the shutter speed is too slow." —Joe
"Winchler, Winchler, Winchler, Winchler, and Johnson. Johnson speaking. Can you hold please?" —gary
"Hello this is Bob Dole, sitting in for Mr. Winchler." —Dex
"Hello, Freakishly Long Phone Cord Store? I'd like to order another freakishly long phone cord." —David John
"Hello, you've reached the headquarters of Crazy Eddie's, 'Where We're So Crazy, All the Employees Have Been Given the Same Name and There Aren't Enough Phones to Go Around!'. How may I direct your call?" —Anonymous
"I don't know, Dernavich. Maybe a third desk would make it funny. A third desk and an inflatable sex toy." —J
"Yeah, so I said to Mankoff, 'I know everyone's complaining that too many of the caption contest images are about sex. So how about this -- identical desks. That's it. Nothing sexual about that.' So he said, 'Great, I'll take it,' then he anal-raped me." —Dd
Comments
"Hello, you've reached the desk of Thomas Allan Winchler. This is Terence Alphonse Winchler. May I take a message?"
Posted by: Francis | January 1, 2007 12:47 PM
"No, sorry, you've reached my baguette-holding personality. Call back in 15 minutes for my desk-drumming personality."
"Becky, can you get someone in here to check the phone on Desk A? God am I glad I insisted on this dual-desk backup system."
Posted by: Vance | January 1, 2007 2:34 PM
"What officer? The call is coming from inside my office?!"
Posted by: Slip Whitsun | January 1, 2007 3:54 PM
Hello, I.T.? Now this computer is frozen. I need another desk.
Posted by: Span | January 1, 2007 3:56 PM
"Can you hear me now?"
"Okay, I'm at your terminal. What's your password?"
"No, my clone isn't here right now. I don't know where he is. Probably by the water cooler chatting up Hilda from Accounting. I'm telling you, he doesn't do a goddamned thing. Completely useless. I wish I'd never cloned myself."
Posted by: Deborah | January 1, 2007 4:03 PM
"Clone on throne, no talk phone. At tone."
Posted by: danny | January 1, 2007 4:06 PM
my clone coincidental to Deborah's. Swear.
Posted by: danny | January 1, 2007 4:07 PM
"No, that's not what the T and A stands for."
Posted by: Stan | January 1, 2007 4:34 PM
"Oooooh, so if I understand you, you're saying this other thing I'm holding is another phone!? Got it. If only T.A. hadn't insisted on those novelty penis-shaped receivers. Yeah, I know, but what can ya do."
Posted by: Vance | January 1, 2007 4:43 PM
"Good Symmetricans. How may I help you?"
Posted by: David | January 1, 2007 4:44 PM
"Betty, get me Drew Dernavich. He left his goddamned 'Dd' behind AGAIN!"
Posted by: Tim H | January 1, 2007 4:50 PM
"The good news is Atkins got canned, and they gave me his job and his desk....."
Posted by: 32 | January 1, 2007 4:55 PM
"Well, that's my opinion, but if you want to know what I think you'll have to wait 'til he gets off the other line."
Posted by: David | January 1, 2007 5:30 PM
"Doctor, it's an emergency. I think I'm dead. I can't see my own image in the mirror. Yes, I'll hold."
Posted by: mypalmike | January 1, 2007 5:41 PM
"But, it gets worse. We also have to hang our coats on this sort of Devil's pitchfork and high heel shoe ensemble."
Posted by: ernie | January 1, 2007 5:42 PM
"I'm so damned confused, I can't remember which briefcase I put the dynamite in!"
Posted by: Strother | January 1, 2007 5:47 PM
"Merry Christmas to you, too. And thanks for the Toblerone."
Posted by: mypalmike | January 1, 2007 5:52 PM
"Yes, Ms. Gillespie, this is Tim Winchler Sr. What did Timmy do now?"
Posted by: Rocco | January 1, 2007 5:56 PM
"Is this Nintendo?...Listen, the 'two-player' function on my new Wii seems a little out of whack..."
Posted by: al in la | January 1, 2007 6:12 PM
"Department of Redundancy Department, please hold... Department of Redundancy Department, please hold...Department of Redundancy Department, please hold...Department of Redundancy Department, please hold...
Posted by: Namby | January 1, 2007 6:49 PM
"Oh, I'm just besided myself today."
Posted by: NCLee | January 1, 2007 7:13 PM
"Yeah, me again. I meant to say I'm just BESIDE myself today."
Posted by: NCLee | January 1, 2007 7:16 PM
"Hello, Human Resources? It's Tom Winchler in Accounting. Can you send someone down to clear away my wife's stuff? It's been over six months since Thersea Ann died, and keeping everything around as a shrine has proven to be morbid and depressing after all."
Posted by: David John | January 1, 2007 8:02 PM
Sorry, but the company found out that his parrot was a clip on.
Posted by: naomi | January 1, 2007 8:12 PM
Double your pleasure, double your fun my ass!
Posted by: Amy | January 1, 2007 8:23 PM
"Please ask maintenance to remove the duplicate items from my office. They serve no purpose."
Posted by: Dave | January 1, 2007 8:55 PM
"He's away from his desk. Would you like his voice mail?"
Posted by: Anonymous | January 1, 2007 9:47 PM
"Oh, you want T&A Winchler. She's in the men's room."
Posted by: Randy | January 1, 2007 9:53 PM
"Schizophrenics Anonymous, how may I direct your call?"
Posted by: al in la | January 1, 2007 10:01 PM
"Yeah, I'm still here. My stupid trac-phone just expired on me!"
Posted by: Wally | January 1, 2007 10:07 PM
"7 pounds, 9 ounces? Honey, that's WONDERFUL!! When can he start?"
Posted by: Marv | January 1, 2007 10:26 PM
"No, I'm sorry to tell you, my conjoined twin died on the table during the separation. I'll be handling his caseload now."
Posted by: Tim C. | January 1, 2007 10:39 PM
"Well, actually it's a German name, spelled W-i-n-c-h-l-e-r. But it can also be spelled W-e-n-c-h-l-e-r, or W-i-n-k-l-e-r, or W-e-n-k-l-r-e, or W-i-e-n-k-l-e-r, or W-e-i-n-c-h-l-e-r, or W-e-i-n-k-l-e-r......"
Posted by: Dieter | January 1, 2007 10:54 PM
"Are you even listening? I feel like I'm just talking to myself."
Posted by: al in la | January 1, 2007 11:06 PM
"I'm sorry, my self that gives a shit isn't here today. Please call back when I'm done with Tetris."
Posted by: David John | January 1, 2007 11:40 PM
Yea, it's weird: a little while after I started the contest, some guy named Radosh comes along and puts down *another* desk just like mine and invites people to mock me on his blog. What's up with that?
Posted by: Rich | January 1, 2007 11:46 PM
"I pretty much work for myself."
Posted by: Namby | January 1, 2007 11:51 PM
"I came in and saw two matching desks with my name on them so I figured I'd better call and tell myself not to worry about it."
Posted by: al in la | January 2, 2007 12:12 AM
"Yes, I'd like two pepperoni and mushroom pizzas, precisely identical down to the placement of each topping, delivered by two deliverymen who look exactly the same. If you deviate from my instructions in any way, I will be forced to kill the president."
Posted by: John Tabin | January 2, 2007 2:09 AM
"Oh, you know, still moving the chains."
Posted by: Russ | January 2, 2007 7:48 AM
"Noah's away on business. Would you like to speak to a zebra?"
Posted by: David | January 2, 2007 8:16 AM
"I'm doing my stretching execises."
Posted by: David | January 2, 2007 8:18 AM
Yes, the coatracks and briefcases are levitating. Now, if I hang up both phones, will the second desk disappear?
Posted by: SK | January 2, 2007 10:37 AM
So, you think I can cut costs by eliminating everyone's second desk, computer, phone and hat rack options? What about cutting the art back to just "Dee?"
Posted by: SK | January 2, 2007 10:45 AM
Here we see a classic except from Dd's textbook of photography, showing what happens when the camera is unstable and the shutter speed is too slow.
Posted by: Joe | January 2, 2007 10:53 AM
Are you saying that IF my first name began with the letter "D" that I, TOO, would now be duplicated?
Posted by: SK | January 2, 2007 10:55 AM
Few people know that Spy vs. Spy are actually accountants during the day that go by the name of T.A. vs. T.A. Oddly, they're quite productive until the sun goes down.
Posted by: Joe | January 2, 2007 11:04 AM
"Sorry. he's not here, he's in dopp-leg anger management class right now."
"He's not here. He's having his dopple ganged."
Posted by: danny | January 2, 2007 11:06 AM
"I think she's worth about seven million, which means she's really poor. It's disgusting. She lives in a motel, in New York. ... Here's our last word, ok, we're gonna leave, but she's a firecrotch, and she has freckles coming out of her vagina and her clitoris is seven feet long."
Posted by: J.D. | January 2, 2007 11:33 AM
"Tahiniwith Anchovies Winchler speaking. Oh, hi Mom. Actually, this is Thomas. Tahiniwith just committed suicide. He left a note for you and Dad."
Posted by: mypalmike | January 2, 2007 12:10 PM
"Hello, this is Tim Winchler over at 'Phone-A-Clone Temps' and I'd like to know how much it would cost for us to use the melody of 'Send in the Clowns' for our new ad campaign, 'Send in the Clones'?"
Posted by: Tim H | January 2, 2007 1:31 PM
"Thanks for the Toblerone, Mr. Winchler. The whole office is abuzz with talk of how much we prefer chocolates imprinted with your name instead of cash bonuses."
(An update from my previous entry, written shortly after receiving a Whitman's Sampler box from management.)
Posted by: mypalmike | January 2, 2007 2:09 PM
An 'all classics request' entry:
Everyone knows your second desk is a clip on.
The hours here are obscene.
Winchler, you crazy bastard! How the hell are you?
Posted by: 99 | January 2, 2007 2:19 PM
"Milton Berle once told me that if I yank on it continuously I will one day be able to wrap it around my neck."
Posted by: J.D. | January 2, 2007 2:26 PM
Excuse me, Mr. 99, but you forgot one:
"Is this some kind of a joke?"
Posted by: Anonymous | January 2, 2007 2:45 PM
"Yeah, so I said to Mankoff, 'I know everyone's complaining that too many of the caption contest images are about sex. So how about this -- identical desks. That's it. Nothing sexual about that.' So he said, 'Great, I'll take it,' then he anal-raped me."
Posted by: Dd | January 2, 2007 2:54 PM
"Winchler, Winchler, Winchler, Winchler, and Johnson. Johnson speaking. Can you hold please?"
"No, it's Winchler, not Winkler. . . It's OK; we get that a lot. . . Correctamundo. . . OK, good luck."
Posted by: gary | January 2, 2007 3:33 PM
"Of course I understand management's productivity goals for the new year. So I guess they also assume adding another toilet will increase the number of times I take a shit."
Posted by: al in la | January 2, 2007 5:24 PM
Yes, I believe in 'dual on to to others as you would dual on to yourself'.
Posted by: David W | January 2, 2007 7:04 PM
Yes, I am the 'extra' editor of this friggin' newspaper!
Posted by: David W | January 2, 2007 7:07 PM
"That's two desk-top dancers for the price of one, yes...I think I can accomodate them!"
Posted by: David W | January 2, 2007 7:13 PM
"I told you I only accept calls from London at this desk!"
Posted by: Greg | January 2, 2007 7:51 PM
"Listen to me, Scoggins - I'M going to do the little tap dance this time, and YOU'RE going to blow some smoke up his ass!"
Posted by: 32 | January 2, 2007 8:10 PM
"Sie haben die falsche Zahl, Arschloch!"
Posted by: Rommel | January 2, 2007 8:25 PM
"...and if you get tired of him, you just flush him down the toilet."
Posted by: Valerie | January 2, 2007 10:00 PM
"They still haven't discovered the body, and - are you ready for this - I'm getting two paychecks every week!"
Posted by: Darren | January 2, 2007 10:10 PM
"Copy desk."
Posted by: al in la | January 2, 2007 10:55 PM
"You realize that if I dropped this receiver right now I would wipe out half of the steno pool! What? S-T-E-N-O P-O-O-L. Steno. Rhymes with ... oh never mind. Good lord man, were you born yesterday?"
Posted by: Dex | January 3, 2007 12:40 AM
hey, mom, can you hold on a minute, I have god on the other line.
Posted by: n | January 3, 2007 12:59 AM
"Fortunately I am an Advaita Vedantist, so the illusion of duality does not confuse me at all."
Posted by: J.D. | January 3, 2007 1:07 AM
no, I'm not wearing pants today, why do you ask?
Posted by: k | January 3, 2007 1:20 AM
"They're basically the same, except the second desk is filled with nothing but OxyContin and Robert Ludlum novels."
Posted by: David John | January 3, 2007 1:48 AM
"Delete! Are you out of your fucking mind? I told you what happened when I hit 'copy all.'"
Posted by: Namby | January 3, 2007 2:30 AM
"Hello, Freakishly Long Phone Cord Store? I'd like to order another freakishly long phone cord."
Posted by: David John | January 3, 2007 7:19 AM
"Okay everybody, he's walking this way. Act normal. When he reaches the side of the desk everybody yell SURPRISE!!!, and I'll let go of the phone."
Posted by: 27 B-Stroke 6 | January 3, 2007 7:37 AM
"Do you know who you're talking to, pal?"
Posted by: Greg | January 3, 2007 8:18 AM
"A douchebag says what?"
"...what?"
Posted by: murph | January 3, 2007 8:52 AM
"No honey, we're fine. In fact we're the last two in the box and I really doubt we're going anywhere. No one likes the creme-filled ones --
no one. Hey, wait a sec. Looks like they picked off Tom. Must have thought he was a nut."
Posted by: Pete H | January 3, 2007 9:34 AM
"No, he's stepped away from his desk....I can't tell you where to unload the play sand...I'll have him call you back...oh, he just pulled up?..what the hell.."
Posted by: greg | January 3, 2007 10:59 AM
"I'm sitting here because the call is from England!"
(My previous post amended slightly)
Posted by: greg | January 3, 2007 11:06 AM
"Hey..he's got a Britney
screensaver, too !...Just what in the hell went on in here over the weekend?!"
Posted by: Greg | January 3, 2007 11:11 AM
"He stepped away from his desk...ok, tell him you're the one that met him at the club and told him he looked like Neil Diamond and you're
just calling to see if he'd want to get together sometime..."
Posted by: Greg | January 3, 2007 11:19 AM
"Actually he's giving me a clone job right now. Can he call back?"
Posted by: steven | January 3, 2007 11:54 AM
"No, he went home early today. He was bummed at the dwindling numbers in the 'Living Ex-Presidents Club'."
Posted by: Tim H | January 3, 2007 12:06 PM
"These modern offices are certainly crowded."
Posted by: Dan McCoy | January 3, 2007 1:09 PM
normally i don't like hold musak, but when i hold it up to my right nipple it feels sexy, don't you agree?
Posted by: chief in boston | January 3, 2007 1:30 PM
"No, I'm sorry, but here the right hand doesn't know what the left hand is doing."
Posted by: stcoleridge | January 3, 2007 1:59 PM
"Because, I accidentally shit in the other seat."
Posted by: www.ogbobbyjohnson.com | January 3, 2007 3:40 PM
"Here at the New Yorker we have a unique system that ensures we double-check everything--that is why we can afford to be smug, self-absorbed elitist assholes."
Posted by: ABC | January 3, 2007 4:22 PM
"Actually he's giving me a clone job right now. He can't get enough of my DNA. Can he call you back?"
i added a line.
Posted by: steven part two | January 3, 2007 4:41 PM
"Hello? Yeah. I added a line."
Posted by: Vance | January 3, 2007 5:14 PM
"...so we have the year-end review and I say to him: 'Listen boss, as it is I'm doing the work of two people.' And he says to me 'Well Winchler, if that's the case we need to address that.' So I'm thinkin more money, maybe an assistant. I come in the day after New Year's and you'll never believe what the old fuck did..."
Posted by: ABC | January 3, 2007 5:30 PM
"And no, I have no fucking idea what this thing is in my right hand or how it has any relevance to anything else..."
Posted by: ABC | January 3, 2007 5:40 PM
"Xerox R and D... Sorry, Ted had to run down to the Boss' office to discuss a recent breakthrough.... And who am I? Well, I guess you could say I'm... the future."
Posted by: Nell | January 3, 2007 6:29 PM
"I'm sorry, I'm just too broken up to talk right now. My imaginary friend who I named after myself and started a consulting firm with, died over the weekend."
Posted by: David John | January 3, 2007 6:34 PM
"He had a hat"
Posted by: Anonymous | January 3, 2007 7:01 PM
"Wenn Sie bis Mittwoch nicht zurückzahlen, Werner, werde ich Riemen Ihr Esel zu einer Eisenbahn, Sie schäbig motherfucker verstecken!“
Posted by: Dur Fuhrer | January 3, 2007 8:43 PM
"Of course I miss you, kumquat. And no, I didn't forget the dildo."
Posted by: Lars | January 3, 2007 9:00 PM
"This is why I like yardsales."
Posted by: Terry | January 3, 2007 9:06 PM
"Hi. Lars? This is Johnson. I'm in charge of quality control over at the Anti-Caption contest. Listen my friend, you really embarrassed yourself with that last one."
Posted by: Anonymous | January 3, 2007 9:07 PM
"Well, he *was* beside himself with anger, but then he just stormed off. Can I take a message?"
Posted by: Anonymous | January 3, 2007 11:02 PM
Tell 'em $38,000 Howie, and then send #23 up here to "play banker."
Posted by: Dex | January 4, 2007 1:27 AM
"Help Desk? Who do I have to blow to get rid of these CRT monitors?"
Posted by: J.D. | January 4, 2007 2:36 AM
"Truth be told I did fiddle with the copy protection."
Posted by: NCLEE | January 4, 2007 3:10 AM
"I don't know, Dernavich. Maybe a third desk would make it funny. A third desk and an inflatable sex toy."
Posted by: J | January 4, 2007 3:35 AM
"Hey, kumquat. Do you really think this dildo will be an improvement over my 'Johnson?'"
Posted by: Lars | January 4, 2007 7:42 AM
"You have a problem with your bill? Call back after 1:00 and ask for Total Asshole Winchler."
Posted by: 32 | January 4, 2007 8:19 AM
"T.A. Winchler Associates. This caption may be monitored for quality control purposes."
Posted by: Sally | January 4, 2007 8:39 AM
"T.A. Winchler Recycled Casket Company, Tim Winchler speaking. How may I help you?"
Posted by: Tim H | January 4, 2007 11:35 AM
"Thank you for curing my split personality, but now I need to hire an assistant. Do you have any recommendations?"
Posted by: Francis | January 4, 2007 12:05 PM
"Good afternoon, Tiddly Winchler's office."
"I'm going to put the earpiece of the other phone up to my other ear now and you tell me if you hear anything. If that doesn't work then I'll try it with the mouthpiece."
"When? Oh, ever since my corpus callosum was severed."
"Vroom vroom! I'm Daddy's big boy and he said when he goes to the mailroom I'm in charge! Yay!! Vroom vroom! Sell! Buy! You're fired! Yay!"
"I don't even know if you're the same person he was talking to just now."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | January 4, 2007 1:35 PM
I'm sitting at a really big, long desk...it's huge and long. It's a really really really big desk - too big for one person if you know what I mean...
Wait, someone's at the door, that must be the young lady here for her interview - or maybe the pizza boy...
Posted by: simsburybear | January 4, 2007 3:10 PM
"Yes, this is he. But wait. I'm probably not the 'he' you thought I'd be.
You see, my partner, who has the same name as me, took the mensroom key and went to pee, or maybe he just wanted to flee and have a cup of tea...hello? hello?"
Posted by: NCLEE | January 4, 2007 4:17 PM
"Yes, Litte Orphan Annie *was* my mother. Why do you ask?"
Posted by: Tim H | January 4, 2007 5:21 PM
The company was very considerate when someone took a dump all over my chair and replaced the entire desk. nfortunately, they have neglected to remove the soiled chair.
Posted by: n | January 4, 2007 6:35 PM
Strangely, I never saw him leave, but then again, I don't have any eyes.
Posted by: K | January 4, 2007 6:38 PM
"T.A. Winchler Name Plates, Ltd. Greg speaking."
Posted by: jazzy | January 4, 2007 8:18 PM
"Could you repeat that? I think my symmetry is broken."
"Yes, this is Two Asses Winchell. Is this in regards to the Drummond account?"
"Hello, IT? Could you tell me the proper way to clench a hot dog bun?"
Posted by: Rubrick | January 4, 2007 9:55 PM
"Can I hear me now?"
Posted by: Mike R. in Michigan | January 4, 2007 10:48 PM
I don't actually work here, I am just manning the desks while the Winchlers have it out. The lady on the other line has $20 on the losers brief case. Do I hear $25?
Posted by: an | January 4, 2007 11:35 PM
"Hello this is Bob Dole, sitting in for Mr. Winchler."
Posted by: Dex | January 4, 2007 11:46 PM
No, there is a ferocious lion underneath the desk, that is why I am not sitting at it. what do you think I am, a hypocrite?
Posted by: rn | January 4, 2007 11:57 PM
"Yes I realize the T.A. Winchler who owes you all that money always seems to have 'just stepped away' whenever you call."
Posted by: al in la | January 5, 2007 12:15 AM
Paradoxes are not part of the job description. what do you propose I do?
Posted by: kn | January 5, 2007 12:16 AM
"Hello? Hello? Yes. Yes. No. No. Fine. Fine. Not right now. Not right now. Tonight. Tonight. At 8. At 8. What? What? All right. All right. Okay. Okay. Bye. Bye."
Posted by: David | January 5, 2007 12:18 AM
Could you hold on a minute, I am in the middle of a paradox, and not only that, but I am incredibly itchy, you know, down there, I am afraid Ill have to call you back.
Posted by: rn | January 5, 2007 12:21 AM
I don't ACTUALLY work for myself, I just pretend that I do.
Posted by: nr | January 5, 2007 12:27 AM
Paradoxes are such an antiquated form of humor. I prefer to refer to myself as one lucky cloned m*t**r f***r.
Posted by: r | January 5, 2007 12:33 AM
Paradoxes are such an antiquated form of humor. I prefer to refer to myself as one lucky cloned son of a..catch my drift?
Posted by: r | January 5, 2007 12:34 AM
Hello, 911, I am in the middle of a paradox...yes I'll hold.
Posted by: nn | January 5, 2007 12:38 AM
"A Web site that focuses on 'pop, politics, sex and so on' sponsored a contest for readers to write the best caption or anti-caption so they fucked with my office, plucked out my eyes and affixed a bizarre foreign object to my right hand. All this so some underachieving, potbellied assholes can humiliate me with their cleaver little captions... Yeah I know. Nice fucking people."
Posted by: Anonymous | January 5, 2007 2:35 AM
"And, DAMN IT, I just installed anti-caption protection!"
Posted by: 27 B Stroke 6 | January 5, 2007 8:01 AM
"So let me get this straight: I just sit here and let you fuck with my reality all you want and I get ten G's a month with full benefits?"
Posted by: Pete H | January 5, 2007 2:17 PM
"I've been downsized. All my work will be handled by some guy in Rawatbhata who shares a cubicle with five other men. He'll be paid one-tenth of what I've been making, and with that he'll be able to put all five of his kids through college. What? No, that's not what I'm upset about. Last night, right in the middle of My Name is Earl, the plasma screen in the bedroom phutzed out. So I had to watch the rest of the show on the plasma screen in the living room. Totally ruined my Comedy Night Done Right viewing experience."
Posted by: J | January 5, 2007 2:38 PM
"My name is Damien Hirst, and I come from the future!I know. I know. It wasn't any funnier last week, but they picked it anyway."
Posted by: NOT Pat | January 5, 2007 7:38 PM
"Sure, and the phone could go dead, somebody could steal my coat or briefcase, and the desk could fall apart. But I'm not going to sit here and worry about it, mother."
Posted by: Sanford6 | January 5, 2007 9:26 PM
Keep bending over behind the desk T.A., it's getting closer to the banana. Damn your tapeworm is long.
Posted by: Joe | January 5, 2007 10:27 PM
"So, if you and Mary-Kate aren't busy tonight, howsabout you two swing by for a double-date? ... Um, 29. Why do you ask?"
"Hi, this is Winchler upstairs. Some joker stole my third desk. I'm going to lunch, and if it's not back before I return, heads are gonna roll."
"No, no, he's no relation, but thanks for being, like, the *one-billionth* person to ask that."
"Hello, you've reached the headquarters of Crazy Eddie's, 'Where We're So Crazy, All the Employees Have Been Given the Same Name and There Aren't Enough Phones to Go Around!'. How may I direct your call?"
Posted by: Anonymous | January 6, 2007 4:03 AM
"I try to keep my personal life separate from my professional life."
Posted by: Ann ON Omus | January 6, 2007 4:47 AM
"Yes Mr. President I have your plan to double our efforts in Iraq."
Posted by: Oh non I must | January 6, 2007 4:59 AM
"You're telling me the book that convinced him to go--'To serve T.A. Winchler'--is actually a cookbook? Wow. Glad I was too busy to get away."
Posted by: Anonymous | January 6, 2007 5:14 AM
"You want Winchler the spy. He's at lunch."
Posted by: Jerome | January 6, 2007 8:17 AM
"Winchler's brain here... Sorry, I do 'Technical Applications.' The 'T.A' that handles 'Tits and Ass' is in the bathroom jerking off."
Posted by: al in la | January 6, 2007 4:35 PM
"T.A. Winchler, East Side. How may I help you?"
Posted by: Karlene | January 6, 2007 6:40 PM
"I lead a double life, and both of us are gay."
Posted by: J.D. | January 7, 2007 12:13 AM
"DeNiro put me in this obtuse movie about the CIA. He made me wear these thick prescription glasses and contact lenses to totally obscure my only expressive feature. He directed me not to react to anything and to mumble through a three hour movie. When I saw it I realized the old control freak motherfucker saved all the best lines for himself, and made me look like a clueless jock starring in the high school play. Still, I came off better than Angelina Jolie, who is just shrill and repetitive in a thankless role. Bobby's a great actor, but has no directing ability whatsoever. In fact I've seen better direction on YouTube in such videos as "Omar Takes a Dump."
Posted by: J.D. | January 7, 2007 1:48 AM
Honey, the company is downsizing again. I'll be working late.
Posted by: Michael Krugjohn | January 7, 2007 2:09 AM
Let me call you on my Minneapolis line. The St. Paul office is purely here for tax fraud.
Posted by: dean | January 7, 2007 5:16 AM
"Hello, Chemical Brothers? Monsieur Gondry is here and ready to begin shooting."
Posted by: dean | January 7, 2007 5:41 AM
We're filming a company promo to a White Stripes tune. Ever heard of 'em?
Posted by: Amy | January 7, 2007 10:31 AM
"George Forman wasn't the first to have that idea."
Posted by: SAT | January 7, 2007 1:20 PM
"What the fuck's a Jabberwocky?"
Posted by: dean | January 7, 2007 1:48 PM
"Winchler you crazy bastard, how are you!?"
Posted by: stcoleridge | January 26, 2007 2:34 PM