Consider this your holiday bonus
Via Romenesko. The Sheboygan Press is seeking information about a mysterious photo from the turn of the 20th century.
In the photo, a dead horse lies in the street, roped off with string tied to stakes in the dirt road. A man in a top hat, bow tie and jacket sits on top of the horse, and people in the background are standing still, looking toward the camera."I always just assumed it was taken as a joke or something like that," said Bill Wangemann, Sheboygan city historian. "I was never able to find out anything about it. What the story behind that (picture) is, I don't have the foggiest notion."
A joke? Yes, but what joke? While the ShePre is requesting "information about the scene," I'm requesting a punchline. Provide your best caption — or anti-caption — here. A winner will be chosen by whatever damn method I please.
click to enlarge
Winner
"My name is Damien Hirst, and I come from the future!" —Pat Broderick
Finalists
The great, great grandfather of Sentator John Kerry prepares to ride his faithful steed "Swifty" to victory. —jbolty
"I shall take this diseased horse to my factory and process it into a nutritious and delectable sausage. I — excuse me, my good sir! Keep your distance from this animal. I seen it first!" —anno-nymous
More results after the jump
Honorable mention
Depicted here is the man who started it all, the great-great-great-grandfather of David Blaine. —Vance
"Lay still old girl, FEMA's on the way." —al in la
Even at the turn of the century, you could sell anything on Ebay. —In D. Pendent
Before Seabiscuit...there was ... Horspe! —Matt Matt
"This is the smallest and deadest merry go round I've ever seen!" —bev
Mr. Lodge places his Ass upon a Horse, yet has little Hope of producing a Mule. —David
Preston rode into town on Wednesday, but buried his horse two days later on Sunday. When cheerfully puzzled samaritans ask how this could be, Preston always loves telling them, "Mind your own fuckin' business while I grieve for my dead horse." —David John
Even after inserting more than $2 worth of quarters, Russell had yet to experience the exhilaration he had felt on the helcopter in front of Wal-Mart. —Rusty Aldridge
"Suck on deez nuts, future extremists of PETA." —michael
"I'm puttin' on my top hat
Sittin' on my dead horse
Waitin' for the mail."
—David
Comments
Ahem, I know it's already taken, but what better caption than "I'm sick of all this peopleshit"?
Posted by: Sam | December 17, 2006 2:05 PM
“Yeah, I’ve seen this guy before. He charges $5 for a souvenir photo with him. I like the Naked Cowboy on Broadway better.”
“Okay, take the picture and send it to Woltz. Then he’ll know we’re serious about casting Fontaine in the movie.”
“He bought the horse on Craigslist. The ad didn’t say it was dead.”
Posted by: Deborah | December 17, 2006 2:07 PM
"Lay still old girl, FEMA's on the way."
Posted by: al in la | December 17, 2006 2:13 PM
This 1897 print is the earliest known photographic evidence of humor. Some historians aruge that it's actually the earliest known photographic evidence of animal cruelty.
Posted by: Zack | December 17, 2006 2:19 PM
And so in 1898 the first Arby's opened for business.
Posted by: AndyMN | December 17, 2006 2:23 PM
Shortly before leaving Sheboygan for the Pan-American Exposition in Buffalo, a jovial President McKinley poses with a dead horse, announcing to a small crowd of supporters that the putrid odor emanating from the animal carcass reminds him of the American working immigrant.
Posted by: Kevin G | December 17, 2006 2:45 PM
Jeb's crusade against laws prohibiting sex with dead animals often involved acts of civil disobedience that horrified passersby.
Posted by: al in la | December 17, 2006 3:05 PM
After seeing a still from the upcoming Ken Burns documentary, 'Worst Skee Ball Prizes In History', fans worried there might not be enough material to fill twenty-seven hours. And that a horse was killed.
Posted by: David John | December 17, 2006 3:45 PM
I would submit "The hours here are obscene," but this man has gone to great lengths to ensure I cannot beat a dead horse.
Posted by: dean | December 17, 2006 4:05 PM
"Mr. Lodge places his Ass upon a Horse, yet has little Hope of producing a Mule."
Posted by: David | December 17, 2006 4:56 PM
"His last words were 'Willl-burrr...' My name? That's not important."
Posted by: Tim H | December 17, 2006 6:12 PM
After betting and losing every penny he had on, Overused Phraseology, not even irony could stop Rutherford fron beating the young Thoroughbred in a fit of rage, even long after it expired.
Posted by: David John | December 17, 2006 6:14 PM
"Nag, nag, nag. Get it?"
Posted by: RichM | December 17, 2006 6:37 PM
"Sheboygan has always been a one-horse town. Today the horse died."
Posted by: J.D. | December 17, 2006 8:15 PM
Preston rode into town on Wednesday, but buried his horse two days later on Sunday. When bemusedly puzzled samaritans ask how this could be, Preston always loves telling them, "Mind your own fuckin' business while I grieve for my dead horse."
Posted by: David John | December 17, 2006 8:27 PM
--nix 'bemusedly'-- God, that ruins the whole joke. Lemme try again.
Preston rode into town on Wednesday, but buried his horse two days later on Sunday. When cheerfully puzzled samaritans ask how this could be, Preston always loves telling them, "Mind your own fuckin' business while I grieve for my dead horse."
Posted by: David John | December 17, 2006 9:41 PM
All too often, the real-life Mr. Magoo would wind up in situations not nearly so breezily comical as those of his cartoon namesake.
Posted by: Vance | December 17, 2006 10:45 PM
"This chair is uncomfortable."
"I shall take this diseased horse to my factory and process it into a nutritious and delectable sausage. I -- excuse me, my good sir! Keep your distance from this animal. I seen it first!"
Posted by: anno-nymous | December 18, 2006 12:32 AM
Zebediah Thorkleton, the subject of this photo, had little to say about it; after all, he was feeling a little horse.
Posted by: Jeff | December 18, 2006 9:31 AM
The Sheboygan Players staged their performance of "Thus Spoke Friedrich Nietzsche" in the open air of Indiana Avenue today to the delight and edification of all.
President McKinley was in town yesterday to re-enact his victory over the bimetallists.
Financier JP Morgan, in town to crush a newly opened ironmonger's, killed a horse with his bare hands at the intersection of Indiana and Eighth yesterday. He was later photographed waiting for "The d----d boy with the g-------d mustard."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | December 18, 2006 10:04 AM
"Stay tuned for an all-new episode of CSI: Sheboygan."
Posted by: Dan | December 18, 2006 10:09 AM
"I hope no one's watching as I 'click to enlarge,' if you get my meaning."
Posted by: Tim H | December 18, 2006 10:40 AM
Even after inserting more than $2 worth of quarters, Russell had yet to experience the exhilaration
he had felt on the helcopter in front of Wal-Mart...
Posted by: Rusty Aldridge | December 18, 2006 10:46 AM
Jeb Martinson had heard all the jokes about "beating" one, so he wasn't taking any chances as he awaited top dollar from the Sheboygan Glue Factory. "The top hat makes this seem much more dignified don't you think?" Martinson told the horrified passersby. Apparently, the gallows in the center of town didn't freak them out as much as this.
Posted by: ssw | December 18, 2006 10:57 AM
"Suck on deez nuts, future extremists of PETA."
Posted by: michael | December 18, 2006 11:07 AM
"I figger if you cain't beat 'em, join 'em."
[with apologies to dean, ssw, America]
Posted by: TG Gibbon | December 18, 2006 11:22 AM
Basil takes a quick sit down to figure out how he is going to hide this one from Sybil.
Posted by: Brooks | December 18, 2006 11:50 AM
Wisconsin trivia item #263:
For a brief time at the turn of the 20th Century, the "earthy" smell of the working class was considered trendy. Sheboygan's upper crust individuals, unaccustomed to sweaty manual labor, occasionally attempted to gain this scent by paying to sit on a decaying horse carcass.
Posted by: Jeff | December 18, 2006 11:53 AM
Silas Dunthwiddle's admiration of horse-hide sofas combined with his meager circumstances and poor grasp of reality contributed to this unpleasant scene.
Posted by: Jeff | December 18, 2006 11:56 AM
Dressed to the nines and wanting to get on his "High Horse", Jeb decides to start small.
Posted by: Nick | December 18, 2006 11:56 AM
Dressed to the nines and wanting to get on his "High Horse", Jeb decides to start small.
Posted by: Nick | December 18, 2006 11:56 AM
These damn no-frills horselines, they take forever!
Posted by: Marty | December 18, 2006 11:59 AM
Few people know that "Sheboygan" was originally spelled "Shebergen," but an influx of new residents from New Jersey contributed to the new pronunciation and spelling. Alas, these new immigrants weren't particularly bright, as this picture illustrates. Here we see the result of local mobsters attempting to scare a citizen by placing a horse's head in his bed. Finding this task too difficult to accomplish, they decided it was easier to just throw the citizen onto a deceased horse.
Posted by: Jeff | December 18, 2006 12:00 PM
Thomas Edison invented the lightbulb by systematically testing thousands of different substances as filaments until he settled on carbon. John McAdam likewise experimented with different paving materials to produce the perfect road surface. This photo documents test #457: horse carcasses. The test was a complete failure.
Posted by: Jeff | December 18, 2006 12:04 PM
March 4, 1902. The first flat tire, and the man who invented AAA soon thereafter.
Posted by: Erin | December 18, 2006 12:06 PM
Chauncey, having worked up a sweat while beating a dead horse, decides to sit down and take a break...
Posted by: Rusty | December 18, 2006 12:24 PM
I'm puttin' on my top hat
Sitting on my dead horse
Waiting' for the mail.
Posted by: David | December 18, 2006 12:28 PM
I call it "sidesaddle".
Posted by: Mike | December 18, 2006 12:36 PM
A young Snidley Whiplash pauses to morn the loss of his beloved colt,who minutes early was startled to death by a galloping herd of Canadian Mounted Police.
Posted by: al in la | December 18, 2006 1:33 PM
The earliest known photo from a Horse Dealership contest. The person who keeps their hand on the horse the longest wins.
Unfortunately, this horse died during the game, and this guy REALLY wanted to win.
Posted by: Otis Chance | December 18, 2006 1:49 PM
"My name is Damien Hirst, and I come from the future!"
Posted by: Pat Broderick | December 18, 2006 1:55 PM
Go ahead, just try to buck me off now, I double dog dare you!
Posted by: Randy | December 18, 2006 2:28 PM
When you find a good parking place downtown, you sit on it.
Posted by: Andy Halushka | December 18, 2006 2:48 PM
After waiting all day in his finest riding clothes, Arthur was not about to be conned out of his two bits without the promised ride and a photo.
Posted by: Rany | December 18, 2006 2:49 PM
Presenting the 1892 community picnic's winner of the musical horse game.
Posted by: Tuck | December 18, 2006 3:22 PM
"Oooooh... sheesh... my head... what a night! Cripes, I must have drunk enough to... hey, waitaminit, this isn't my bedroom - what the hell's goin' on here?"
Posted by: Vance | December 18, 2006 4:37 PM
"and that's how the city of 'Deadhorse' got it's name".
Posted by: Nick | December 18, 2006 4:41 PM
Sheboygan's champion Horse-Tipper, Lester Ledbetter, models the latest in casual wear as his fans look on in awe.
Posted by: Nick | December 18, 2006 4:44 PM
Depicted here is the man who started it all, the great-great-great-grandfather of David Blaine.
Posted by: Vance | December 18, 2006 4:53 PM
The great, great grandfather of Sentator John Kerry prepares to ride his faithful steed "Swifty" to victory.
Posted by: jbolty | December 18, 2006 4:54 PM
"guess this is one dead horse not worth kicking anymore"
Posted by: bev | December 18, 2006 6:12 PM
"this is the smallest and deadest merry go round i've ever seen!"
Posted by: bev | December 18, 2006 6:16 PM
"is this how women ride side saddle?"
Posted by: bev | December 18, 2006 6:17 PM
Early prototypes convinced inventor Joshua Carousel that he would have to abandon his dream of using real horses and switch to an all wood format.
Posted by: al in la | December 18, 2006 6:34 PM
“Oops.”
Posted by: frankiejr | December 18, 2006 8:05 PM
Giddyap!
Posted by: Roscoe Phillips | December 18, 2006 8:36 PM
Damn fool -- everyone knows it's better eating when it's still warm.
When life gives you lemons, make bratwurst.
This kind of nonsense would never happen in Manitowoc.
Posted by: Dex | December 18, 2006 9:19 PM
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near....
Posted by: Rubrick | December 18, 2006 10:34 PM
Even at the turn of the century, you could sell anything on Ebay.
Posted by: In D. Pendent | December 18, 2006 11:26 PM
Beckett's first play, "Waiting For Giddyup" was actually a big hit by Sheboygan standards.
Posted by: Amy | December 19, 2006 12:05 AM
Astaire loved the combination of top hat and horse tails, but found it made dancing difficult.
Posted by: Amy | December 19, 2006 12:13 AM
"So fuck me and the horse I rode in on, which is now dead."
Posted by: J.D. | December 19, 2006 12:18 AM
Next on "Blind Date--The Lost Episodes"-- It was a disaster from the start: Paul was a self-absorbed narcissist with serious commitment issues. Polly was a dead horse.
Posted by: al in la | December 19, 2006 2:33 AM
Taking a break from his studies at the Sheboygan Conservatory of Music -- later made famous by the bogus claims of Josephine and Daphne, transvestite musicians from Chicago -- Nathan Schmertz pauses to elicit inspiration for his upcoming star turn in a musical entitled "Equus: A Horse Opera in Three Acts."
Posted by: Tim H | December 19, 2006 10:57 AM
I was so hungry I could eat a horse. I guess I should have chewed it better.
Posted by: Valkyrie | December 19, 2006 11:15 AM
"Did someone get the license-plate number on that car?"
"What the hell is a car?"
Posted by: TheIronBoard | December 19, 2006 1:07 PM
You can lead a dead horse to water, but you cant beat him to drink.
Posted by: Dude | December 19, 2006 4:50 PM
"Okay... but in this position how am I supposed to kiss it?"
Posted by: Elex Dusk | December 19, 2006 8:33 PM
Ok, I bought the horse to ride, and I'll be DAMNED if I don't get to ride it...even if it did give out on me.
Posted by: Trevor L | December 19, 2006 11:07 PM
"Sheboygan: The Enumclaw of Yesteryear."
Posted by: AJZ | December 19, 2006 11:34 PM
This is my dog food...stay away
Posted by: Axxel Knutson | December 20, 2006 12:29 PM
10,000 horses in this city and I have the one that runs out of gas.
Posted by: Joe | December 20, 2006 1:13 PM
"So, the big shot horsie says, "I won't get up until you put on a tuxedo and sit on me!""
Posted by: Greg | December 21, 2006 9:33 AM
Is this an Arabian or an Apaloosa? Anyone here know anything about horse breeding?
Posted by: Eric | December 21, 2006 10:28 AM
A precursor to Sheboygan's booming "kid on a pony" photography industry, entrepeneur Daniel Drump shows the local folk just how he envisions children posing with his beloved "Rosie." Drump was heard to say, "I look forward to making lots of money from my nice fat little Rosie."
Posted by: Tim H | December 21, 2006 11:06 AM
It was hard being conjoined twins, harder still that one of them was a horse, and devastating when it died enroute to the other twin's wedding.
Posted by: Chief-Ten-Bears | December 21, 2006 11:45 AM
"Now if I could find 100 more dead horses...we could paint 'em up and put 'em all over town and call it 'public art' like those big fancy cities do."
Posted by: Dex | December 21, 2006 12:31 PM
Before Seabiscuit...there was ... Horspe!
Posted by: Matt Matt | December 21, 2006 4:54 PM
Clearing an early example of a man failing to get off his dead ass.
Posted by: ragman | December 21, 2006 7:16 PM
After Samual ignored repeated requests to get off of his "fat, lethargic ass," town officials simply roped off the two of them and let them sit there, thus avoiding an ugly confrontation while also alerting drivers to the potential traffic hazzard now on Main St.
(I'd like to thank Ragman's "ass." It inspired me.)
Posted by: al in la | December 21, 2006 8:41 PM
"Aw, no, c'mon Grady, not again already! Damn. I never even knew horses could be narcoleptic. Oh well... guess he won't mind if I wait it out right here..."
Posted by: Vance | December 21, 2006 11:06 PM
Alright, lemme think here for a minute...how do I get this horse off of my mother-in-law?
Posted by: Dex | December 21, 2006 11:56 PM
Samual refused to get off his sorry ass.
(Ragman, al in la, thanks to both your "asses")
Posted by: Namby | December 22, 2006 3:33 AM
Fig. 01:06 PM. Photo depicts a nineteenth century Sheboygan teamster leader executing the union's vow to Jesus, as he asked of the ancient teamsters before his ascension into heaven, "Wait here, and don't do anything 'til I get back."
Posted by: LV | December 22, 2006 11:46 AM
"I'm so hungry I could eat a...nevermind."
Posted by: Tim H | December 22, 2006 2:59 PM
Joe Rizzo's stallion got spooked late last night and ran so hard its poor heart burst. Some ladies of the evening happened to witness the sad event. For some reason known only to these scarlet women, they began crooning a mournful ballad, quite spontaneously, about the equine's sudden fear. It was a remarkable moment, and has already become something of a local legend -- the story has spread like wildfire. We'll wager that "whores sung his panic" has been on the lips of every man, woman and child in Sheboygan countless times since this morning, and rightly so!
Posted by: J.D. | December 23, 2006 2:34 AM
The Confucian proverb, "Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." was never fully explained to Lord Thistlewick's horse.
Posted by: Jack T Ladd | December 23, 2006 5:26 AM
A young Winston Churchill poses for the Sheboygan Press, explaining that, "When you are on a great horse, you have the best seat you will ever have."
Posted by: Jack T Ladd | December 23, 2006 5:34 AM
While waiting for his prom date to return from the bathroom, his horse dies.
What would he say? What could he say?
Posted by: Greg | December 24, 2006 1:15 AM
Geez... gas prices are ridiculous... 25c/gallon. The times we live in.
Posted by: Matt | December 26, 2006 9:35 AM
"One day we're going to get a bench for this town"
Posted by: Charles | January 4, 2007 8:20 PM
But alas...Jim the Inventor of Super Glue tries to justify why he tested it on his ass...
Posted by: Scott O | January 4, 2007 8:31 PM
"I say, what do you folks do for fun in these here parts?"
Posted by: Mike R. in Michigan | January 4, 2007 10:43 PM
A fate many of us believe to have suffered while waiting for AAA...
Posted by: D Klotz | January 4, 2007 11:26 PM
My race horse's name is SO DAM INSANE!
Posted by: Dre_Day | January 4, 2007 11:31 PM
This time Winston really had a good excuse for why he was late for work...
Posted by: Xtina R. | January 4, 2007 11:33 PM
Eclipse Award Finalist for Horse of the Year announced today but died yesterday.
Posted by: Shedrow | January 5, 2007 7:46 AM
Winning contestant of the Wellington Florida's Annual "Old Timers Dress Up Day" in 2006.
Posted by: Shedrow | January 5, 2007 8:43 AM
Sheboygan physician and avid balloonist, Thaddeus J. McCormick, fortuitously survives fall from his gondola yesterday.
Posted by: Michael Moretti | January 5, 2007 10:54 AM
I've always been told not to beat a dead horse... Maybe this will work
Posted by: Another Caption | January 5, 2007 1:23 PM
Dammit, the next time she says "I only need to run into the store for a minute" I'm going to tell her what I REALLY think...
Posted by: JohnMo | January 5, 2007 2:29 PM
The U.S. first SigAlert.
Posted by: J S | January 5, 2007 9:26 PM
Last chance photo op with Mr. Ed
Posted by: JS | January 5, 2007 9:36 PM
"Tom just won't get off his sorry ass."
Posted by: al again | January 6, 2007 4:28 AM
Hey al in la, you've totally made the big time. And when I say "the big time," I of course mean "Wisconsin public radio."
They're discussing the dead horse on Michael Feldman's Whadda Ya Know this very moment, and someone just called in to relay your "Lie still, girl, FEMA's on the way" caption. Time to update your resume...
Posted by: dean | January 6, 2007 12:28 PM
"Someday, I'll look back on this moment and laugh. Or perhaps thousands of others will, in some distant dystopian future-world. For now, though, I must merely attempt to retain a stiff upper lip, as my livelihood is destroyed, and my only friend is dead."
Posted by: dean | January 6, 2007 12:42 PM
THE JUMPING FROG OF CALVERAS COUNTY WAS NOT TWAIN'S FIRST DRAFT
Posted by: JAGGED | January 6, 2007 2:51 PM
He must have been one of those hatmakers that used mercury.
Posted by: Miko | January 6, 2007 3:33 PM
The ol' fashion way of keeping people off your land.
Posted by: Dennis | January 6, 2007 3:52 PM
This photograph was the first to lead historians to believe mercury was used in the hatmaking process.
Posted by: kimbo | January 6, 2007 4:04 PM
Dr. Whipple ponders the mortality of his horse, Clara, on a Sunday morning on his way to Sara Johnson's wedding.
Posted by: Carl Hardwick | January 6, 2007 9:47 PM
Earliest known picture of Willie Nelson- "More whiskey for my men, but no more beer for my horses!"
Posted by: Miles | January 7, 2007 12:09 AM
I'm bringin sexy back
Posted by: Tim | January 7, 2007 2:08 PM
I sure wish I could remember where I put that extended warranty policy....
Posted by: JohnMo | January 8, 2007 2:54 PM
After standing in line for hours, Willie and his loyal dog Sport wait patiently to have their picture taken during Sheboygan's Dead Horse Day Celebration.
Posted by: Kath | January 8, 2007 4:34 PM
First prize is one dead horse, second prize is two!
Posted by: gerryowen | December 26, 2007 7:32 PM