October 19, 2006

The plight of the sensitive sex blogger

window-flasher-censored.jpg The other day, Eros Blog's Bacchus posted the uncensored version of this photo under the accurate, if not exactly grabby, title, "Flashing from a window."

All in a day's work for one of the Interweb's oldest established sex bloggers, until a reader posted the one sentence comment, "Heh heh heh, I’d like to wash her windows.” Now, this might seem like a perfectly reasonable — even considerate — remark. After all, if the young lady's windows were clean, she would not have to stand outside on the ledge with her damn pants around her ankles just to be seen naked. In exhibitionism as in any extreme sport, safety first.

But Bacchus didn't see it that way. "There’s a line that’s crossed when men (and it’s almost always men) personalize their connection to an attractive photographic subject, and begin to state sexual intentions — however whimsical — in connection with that photographic subject," he wrote. "Stating sexual desires, publicly, in connection with a woman who hasn’t invited anything from you, is a sexually aggressive act, and one that displays a certain unconcern for whether your sexual advances are welcome." Damn straight. You have to earn the right to leer at that girl being led around on a leash. (This post is so not gonna help me with the Pandagon crowd.)

After the jump, Eros Blog commenters choose their sides.

"Thank you for the comment moderation, it really does get old after awhile to read things like that. Besides, generally the women you post are gorgeous in some way, and of course people would love to ‘do’ her. That’s half the reason that she’s posted, it doesn’t need to be said 16 times."

"I hate that kind of childish behavior in people who are supposed to be adults. Let’s act that way!"

"a woman that is flashing her privates to the world… *is definitely* inviting those kind of comments. She’s not an innocent passer-by. Is she? She’s demanding the world’s attention with a primitive and raw gesture; it can only evoke an equal kind of response, perhaps verbal or non-verbal. No?"

Bacchus replies: She’s asking for it? Sheesh, do you guys never learn?

I suppose those loud-mouthed construction workers feel the same way: “Those sluts, we only holler at them because they wear those tight jeans, they’re obviously asking for it! They don’t want attention, they’d wear gunny sacks.”

Look guys, learn this and learn it fast: When you say the words “She’s asking for it” you brand yourself as a jerk and an idiot. Here’s the key concept, fellas: You don’t get to decide what a woman’s asking for, unless she, ya know, asks for it, in like, actual words. Asks you for it, even.

Just because a woman wants people to look at her or even touch her, doesn’t mean she wants you in particular to look at her or touch her. If you assume she does, you’re being arrogant. Act on that assumption without checking, you’ll probably commit a sex crime, or at best a gross violation of manners (which is more what I’ve been complaining about here on ErosBlog.)

All of which is beside the point here. Whatever the woman in the picture’s asking for, the women who read my blog didn’t ask for it. And I didn’t ask for it. I ask for — nay, I demand — civility here. And I’m rapidly deciding that saying “I’d like to do her” and its many equivalent phrasings is not civil behavior.

"I can appreciate your train of thought with this but I must beg to differ with you Bacchus. First of all we aren’t talking about a woman walking down the street in a business suit here. We are talking about a woman naked in a window for all the passerbys to view! Not only that but you are posting the naked picture on a sexually oriented blog if that isn’t an invitation for lewd comments then surely nothing ever would be. I agree with what you are saying but only to a point. There is a time and a place for everything and a sex blog is a great place for lewd comments. It’s safe, it doesn’t really insult anyone and its a great avenue for one to get that sort of thing out of one’s system. Of course I respect your right to say otherwise and respect the fact that this is your blog and your make the rules but I don’t agree with what you are saying here."

"A sex blog doesn’t have to be lewd! She’s not asking for anything but admiration... I guess being an art student, I’m used to the human form as more than a sexual object, and granted, the feminine form is far more sensuous than the masculine, does that mean that we have to read comment after comment that basically state the same thing, you want to “do” her? I’m sure that just by posting a picture of a beautiful lady, its agreed that the masses want to “do” her, so can’t we get onto a more pressing topic, such as, is her right arm double jointed?"

Bacchus again: I am unabashedly fond of the naked female form, but I firmly believe there is a polite way and an impolite way to share this enthusiasm with the world, and with my readers. I try to remain polite, and I insist my commenters do likewise. If there’s a double standard in that, I can’t see it.

"Which do you think is more ‘impolite’ to the subject of this photo: “Hey baby… oooooh yeah…” or “I have posted your nude college photo on my web-site read by about 1 billion people a minute. Don’t worry - I won’t let the folks talk dirty about you. I’m a gentleman.”

"I too tire of reading comments like: “Man I’d sure like to DO her!” However, I can merely say “Bless her heart” as my own published comment, and indeed mean it most sincerely, and yet this short and sweet posting, as polite as it sounds, infers to many readers the basest, most raffish, most vulgar, most Philistine of thoughts, (that in truth I am in actuality entertaining even as I write this)."

There's much more if you want it. I didn't even mention the thread about stereotyping construction workers.

Posted by Daniel Radosh


He also used the word "niggardly." Where's the outrage?!

I'd like to vacuum her . . . ah, nevermind.

With all due respect, this fellow is a disgrace to the name Bacchus. I haven't read the rest of his blog, but in your excerpts I kept waiting for him to say "OK, OK, you fell for it, I was obviously being sarcastic!!!!" But so far, no. IMO, the "Which do you think is more ‘impolite’" comment pretty much nails it. And speaking of nailing things...

This is the funniest fucking thing I've read in weeks. I mean "fucking" in an emphatic, but non-sexual way.


This shit reads like an Onion article - "Hot young woman stands up naked in College Window - Men to Blame for Dirty Thoughts" I agree, the real Dionysus would kick this clown right in the grape leaves..."Here's a pic of a naked girl, on a sex site, but nobody make sexual comments!" That condesending let-me-tell-you-guys-about-women tone, Jesus.
Have we heard anything from the girl herself, how awful she finds all this commenting?

Cross-posting my comment, still awaiting moderation at ErosBlog:

Man, I’d sure like to meet *her* in a social context, see if we had any interests in common, then talk for a while if we did, perhaps exchange e-mail address and AIM handles, meet up for lunch or dinner sometime, then see what that led to, if you know what I mean.

I'd sure like to respect her feelings as a woman and a human!

Bacchus specifically mentions that he doesn't know who the woman is, nor the source of the photograph. Yet he posts the image on his blog.

This woman never told him she wanted him to post her naked image on the internet. I guess she was just "asking for it" by posing nude in the first place.

What a hypocrite.

By the way, I'd like to run antispam software on her Windows box.

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