August 7, 2006

No Yorker

I went ahead and selected a winner in last week's anti-caption contest (and made a bitchy comment too!) before I realized that there's no new cartoon this week.

To make up for it, here, by somewhat popular demand, is Scouting Magazine Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #3. Give me time and I may even choose a winner from #2. But probably not.

See the cartoon here

Posted by Daniel Radosh


There must be a prostate joke in here somewhere.

Ugh i have to wait another week?!?!

OK, my entry(ies):

"Can I have my 'excessive use of medical tape' badge now?"

"Jimmy, teapots don't have straight spouts. Maybe the short and stout kid should be the teapot instead."

"I tied his arm to his head to make him stop touching himself."

"I'm doing this to distract people from noticing that we got attacked by stable guns. My ear hurts a lot, though."

"I am the smuggest preteen asshole ever. Where's the goddamn badge for that?"


"I learned it from watching you, you sick fuck."

or "The real mistake was using so much tape on my inner eyelids."

"i was simply taping his arm up in the hitler salute as an ironic commentary on the boy scouts' crypto-fascism and exclusionary policies. so sue me."

"And then I fellated him, like this:"

"We're trustworth, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obidient, cheerful, thrifty, brave clean and reverent...but that doesn't mean we're not a dumb as a box of rocks."

(Submitted by a former member of Troop 457 in Bklyn, NYC who remembers the 12 laws by memory, 40 years later!!)

"I bandaged him like that to make sure that he would keep his arm elevated. As for the other kid, I just wanted to give him a wedgie."

"I may have done a crappy job of bandaging my surviving troopmates' wounds, but I still think what people are going to remember from this trip is the way you led us straight into that den of hungry bears."

"Rebel forces are advancing on the main road. We need to get Alvin in shape and back out on the front line ASAP."

"Sorry, I was distracted. I've never had so many of my friends die like that at once."

"You fucking idiot, you bandaged his arm to his head."

I call it "Treeage." Now I'll be a leaf and you can blow me like the wind.

(thought balloon from the leader): "Now wait, did I stash the drugs in the red box with the white cross, or the white box with the red cross?"

"Whoever said chunky shoes and trucker hats are passť could learn a thing or two from Troop 7."

"And who do you think his parents are going to sue, Numb-nuts, me or who?"

"Then scoutmaster Bugs Bunny bounced in and instructed me on this hot new method of assault restraint."

**STAPLE guns. haha

posted by me

"I knew we shouldn't have jumped onto that giant waffle iron."

Yeah, I did it. And if you hadn't interrupted me I could have finally gotten BOTH of them to stop jizzin' all over my pillowcase.

"The scouts were restrained because they were starting to show an interest in girls, sir!"

"Of course somewhere there's a bear wearing his shirt but the important thing is we got the touchdown."

Predicted real life winner: "Fuck you, old man, I say it's right so give me the goddamned merit badge or I'll calling my fucking mother and she'll sue your gay oreo ass."

Didn't make any difference. These guys can come in their pants just *thinking* about Jessica Alba. Me too - there, I just did now.

He calls it his tribute to Carol Channing and he says it makes the pain go away.

*The aria from "La Traviatta"*

"Oh yeah, well at least we're white!"

"I know it's lame. And yes, all the captions submitted are very lame. But it was an emergency. We just wanted to stop the bleeding until the New Yorker had it's caption contest back up and running...ok?"

We are aware you are a paedophile of the most gentle variety. Hence we are confident that no matter how badly we bollux things up that gleam in your eye and indulgent manner shall be ever-present.

"So I screwed up the bandages. I believe you'll find I'm a child of privilege who doesn't give a fuck."

"Either you approve of my excellent handling of this crisis or you want the terrorists to win."

It may seem strange, Mr. Fergusen, but my psychic visions predict that these are just the bandages they'll need later this afternoon, when they get mauled by a bear and then plummet over a waterfall in a rubber raft.

"It's like I told him - since you're always doing that gay-ass John Travolta pose from Saturday Night Fever, you might as well stick to it permanently."

"Either you accept that Vance has the slam dunk, hands down, best caption, or you have no sense of irony."

(My hat is off to you!)

"If Vance changes 'terrorists' to 'bears' he'll win, no doubt about it."

We really are not thinking clearly at all since you've been forcing us to have sex with you, sir. I guess that's why the common topic in these cartoons is how badly we boys screw up. Just another case of "blame the victims."

"So now all I need is a strong stick, so I can tighten the tourniquets and stop the flow of blood to Tommy's leg and Phil's head. Also, "

"Yes, Mr. Washington, we all have buck teeth, but I'm not sure I agree that means all white people fuck donkeys."

Okay,Mr. president.Yes I will give you new wood teeth so you can get married.

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