May 31, 2006

The Scouting Magazine Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #2

Just like the New Yorker thing, but with cartoons from Scouting, the official Boy Scout magazine. Click here for the results of contest #1.

See cartoon here

Posted by Daniel Radosh


"Ta-da! Vulva!"

"And that's just how I'm gonna string up this Negro gal if she gets uppity."

"He did that same trick last week with the sausage links. Christ, what an asshole."

"I told you I was *knot* hungry! Get it? Knot hungry?"

No that's I-tie-el-yon! Get it? I "tie?" It's really funny if you think about it. OK, I admit the "el-yon" part doesn't really fit. But otherwise, it's a fine joke. Oh yeah? Well your merit badge smells like poop. I'm just sayin'.

"Thank goodness for the double standard forbidding gay scout leaders but allowing cannibalism. These intestines taste excellent. Also, I tied a square knot with them."

A Harvard grad student presents his dissertation on graph theory.


"I told you I could tie a spaghetti know with no hands, and with a baseball cap is covering my eyes. Hey guys... Hey guys where are you?"

Err... knot. Bleh.

"Mommy???? Can you fix my spaaaagheeeettiiii??? I got it in a knot again!!! MOMMY!!!!"

Once again, little Timmy the retard placed last in the Spaghetti eating contest.

Looks like my mom's vagina, tastes like it too. Thank you! Good night!

Merit badges?! We don't need not steeenkin' merit badges!

"In the first draft of this, I tied a hotdog in a knot, but they rejected that. I can't for life of me figure out why."

"Bitch, that's a salad fork."

"What do you mean, 'You're a we-be-loser'? I don't get it."

Even in his early days as a Scout, David Blaine was an asshole and an attention-whore.

"... ta-da! And now I'm gonna fuck it."

"As you can see, with a simple spaghetti knot, you can distract a fellow Scout so badly, he'll stab himself in the face with his fork."

"Hey everybody, call of the search! I found Jeffery Hardy!"

"This is what your insides look like when you get ptomaine poisoning. You know, like Leonard Skinner did last night."

"Thank you, thank you! But this is only part of it! I also wrote a funny parody song about camping that my scoutmaster, Mr. Sherman, there in the red hat, has promised me he'll send to top record executives!"

[Note: "Call of the Search" was a failed sequel to "Call of the Wild." Just FYI.]

Doesn't that kid realize only the Girl Scouts get badges for making macrame vaginas?

"I kind of like the knot
spaghetti. The campfire breadsticks aren't bad, either. This cook is much more creative than the last one we had."

"Hey, fuckwits, check it out! It's a three dimensional representation of my screenplay!"

"Do you love me now, Dad?"

"Hur galabet, malapsanomay! Prefunct girabileff totamoo pepsidiary, Steve?" [Look at this squareknot, motherfuckers! Now who's the homeschooled retard, Steve?]

"This is knot edible!"

"I told you Christ would favor Troop Six with a sign!"

"What's that French word that means 'ta-daa?' Waa-laa? OK, then...waa-laa!"

"While I was fucking around with this spaghetti, my goddamn tooth fell out."

"I hereby dedicate this piece of art in honor of our scoutmaster, the late Phil Silvers."

This was Timmy's last happy moment before being fatally struck by lightning. This was also Billy's last happy moment, as he wished that show-off Timmy a painful death. Billy spent the rest of his life trying to cope with his powers and in retrospect he thinks, at the very least, he should have wished for sex with the den mother.

For my next trick, I will make my face white and my arms black!

"Give a republican scout spaghetti and he will eat spaghetti for one day. Teach a republican scout to catch his own spaghetti and demand a tax break that the middle class will pay for until their grandchildren are dead, and you have a Bush scout.And I don't mean that in a bad way."

"Look Ma, 'Freedom Spaghetti.'{That's my boy.}

"Behold and weep ye unbelievers: His Noodly Appendage!"

"...and now I'll put it back *in* my nose!"

A Boston University grad student presents his thesis on string theory.

A Scout is Trustworthy.
If he tells you he made a macrame vulva with only his right
hand, you can believe him.
A Scout is Loyal.
If he joins a spaghetti-eating troop, he does not secretly
buy Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. If offered linguine, he politely
A Scout is Helpful.
He explains the relationship between spaghetti and genitalia to
all interested persons.
A Scout is Friendly.
He gathers others to share in the joy of faux female anatomy.
A Scout is Courteous.
He realizes there are better ways to gain attention than yelling
"Food fight!"
A Scout is Kind.
He doesn't aim right for the G-spot.
A Scout is Obedient.
It's not necessary for his partner to use rope.
A Scout is Cheerful.
He maintains a sunny disposition even when served the predictable
high-carb meal.
A Scout is Thrifty.
He won't pay more than five bucks for a Vagina Monologues
A Scout is Brave.
He gobbles down pasta of unknown provenance.
A Scout is Clean.
He masturbates often to forestall the mess of nocturnal emissions.
A Scout is Reverent.
To avoid sin, he does not hump the macrame vulva.

Since removing my front teeth to service the scoutmaster I can't eat solid food but I can do this.

"Next on VH1's 'Behind the Music,' we'll examine the life-changing events that leading up to what a young Axl Rose would later refer to as 'The Spaghetti Incident,' and ultimately one of the worst cover albums in rock 'n' roll history."

"Maybe Mama's right. Maybe if I stopped playing with my food I wouldn't have such hideously malformed arms. Then I could punch her like dad!"

"Garçon! Il semble y a un noeud dans mon linguine!"

"Mrs. Hederly! I am holding two plates here!"

"Mrs. Hederly! Now now! I am holding two plates here!"

"I eviscerated over 150 squirrels to get enough intestine to feed this camp, so I'll play with my food if I damn well please!"

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