The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #37
Submit the worst possible caption for this week's New Yorker cartoon. Click here for last week's results. Click here for an introduction and "rules" to this contest. Click here for amplification of those rules. Click here for contest index.
Starter craptions:
"Well, we know more about you than Samuel Alito."
"Blah, blah, blah, Samuel Alito."
Update: Results after the jump
Winner:
"I will now yield the floor to the Senator from Massachusetts, who can perhaps explain to the rest of this committee why, when struck down, Mr. Kenobi has disappeared, while on previous occasions other Jedi Knights have remained corporeal in death." —michael
Finalists:
"Probably the reason he did this is because he got here real early, well dressed, and while sitting and waiting for us, he decided to go somewhere in the nude. I'd like that entered into the record." —ben
"Oh great, the Rapture. Now all of us liberal activist judges have to endure 1000 years of tribulation. Alito was right; I never should have upheld the Voting Rights Act." —TG Gibbon [Ed. note: OK, so sucking up works, but if TG were actually going to be among the raptured himself, he would know that the tribulation is only 7 years; the 1000 year period is Christ's post-trib reign on earth, though it's true, liberal judges won't have to endure that either.]
Comments
"One, two, three and to the foe, Snoop Doggy Dogg and Dr. Dre is at the doe. Ready to make an entrance, so back on up, cuz ya know we bout ta rip shit up."
Posted by: Jim Treacher | January 29, 2006 6:54 PM
"And I commend you for your silence on my colleague's previous question. It is the highest virtue of a justice not to pre-judge any case, but to keep an open mind. Moreover, your personal views are completely irrelevant to this proceeding."
[whispered] "There's pandering to your base, and there's pandering to your base. I can't believe Bush actually nominated an aborted fetus for the Supreme Court."
"Goddamn it, so long as the cameras are on I will not be moving one inch!"
Posted by: Anonymous | January 29, 2006 6:56 PM
"Suit dismissed."
Posted by: CA | January 29, 2006 9:26 PM
"It says here that the defendant is charged with recklessly having written the song 'Soul Meets Body.' What is the plea?"
Posted by: RichM | January 29, 2006 9:47 PM
So, this George Zimmer fellow, he said he'd guarantee it?
Posted by: AlexG | January 29, 2006 11:14 PM
Um, yeah, I think that's my Japanese sex doll. Let me check the belly button, then I can tell for sure.
Posted by: kickassninja | January 29, 2006 11:34 PM
First Miers, now Jacobi. Still, for the price, it's a good suit . . .
Posted by: MC Baggadouchio | January 30, 2006 1:11 AM
"Soooo yes. Empty suit. Disrespect for checks and balances. I think I get the gist. If President Bush is watching, I can only hope that your puerile and heavy-handed contempt for the Senate is met with swift retribution in the form of an overly obvious satirical jape in an esteemed literary magazine."
Posted by: Martin | January 30, 2006 3:41 AM
"Thank you for testifying before this committee, Mr. President."
Posted by: Francis | January 30, 2006 8:47 AM
"Goddamnit, why do they keep dissolving? Is there something on that chair? Ted, you go sit on it."
Posted by: Francis | January 30, 2006 8:50 AM
"Case clothed."
Posted by: Slide | January 30, 2006 9:22 AM
"Case clothed."
Posted by: Slide | January 30, 2006 9:23 AM
"Are you now, or have you ever been, an inferior Armani knockoff?"
Posted by: Francis | January 30, 2006 9:54 AM
"Blah, blah, blah Rapture."
Posted by: ;lkj | January 30, 2006 10:29 AM
Let the record show Judge Alito's response to the senator's question about Roe v. Wade was, "I'm melting! I'm melting!"
Posted by: adn | January 30, 2006 10:51 AM
Let the record show Judge Alito's response to the senator's question about Roe v. Wade was, "I'm melting! I'm melting!"
Posted by: adn | January 30, 2006 10:51 AM
Let the record show Judge Alito's response to the senator's question about Roe v. Wade was, "I'm melting! I'm melting!"
Posted by: adn | January 30, 2006 10:51 AM
No, technically something "evaporates" if it begins in a liquid state. Johnson has clearly "sublimed." Hey Johnson, you look sublime! Heh heh.
Posted by: Trout Almondine | January 30, 2006 10:55 AM
"Mother of God! Somewhere, right now, Robert Bork is naked."
"Shat-nerrr!"
Predicted real-life winner: "We find you guilty as narged--I mean 'charged.'"
"Oh great, the Rapture. Now all of us liberal activist judges have to endure 1000 years of tribulation. Alito was right; I never should have upheld the Voting Rights Act." [two-fer!]
"This should remind you, Prefect, that there can be unique technical difficulties when trying witchcraft cases. I would hope you include that in your report to President Santorum."
Posted by: TG Gibbon | January 30, 2006 11:33 AM
"Mr. Jensen, I hope you've learned your lesson about back-alley liposuction. There are, after all, worse things than having a belly the size of a beach ball."
Posted by: Vance | January 30, 2006 12:04 PM
You pathetic fool! No man can withstand the power of my Atomic Super Breath! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Posted by: Patrick Broderick | January 30, 2006 12:08 PM
"He actually thought showing us his tootie would get our vote! Too bad Michael Douglas didn't have an evaporator."
Posted by: tom c. | January 30, 2006 12:51 PM
senator, you were all over him like a cheap suit.
Posted by: pukebot | January 30, 2006 12:51 PM
"I see England, I see France. I see the nominee's underpants."
Posted by: RichM | January 30, 2006 1:01 PM
At least it's not just another stuffed suit.
Posted by: j-ha | January 30, 2006 1:39 PM
"God, I've got SUCH a headache, I cannot believe it. Gotta remember that 'wine before liquor, never sicker' rhyme. Jesus. Anyway... what the hell's that fucking pile of laundry doing there?"
Posted by: Vance | January 30, 2006 2:51 PM
"We now confirm you, the republican candidate, to whatever position you were appointed to."
"If we confirm him, we'll break the clothing barrier, once and for all!"
"You are the Jackie Robinson of suits."
Posted by: Harry | January 30, 2006 3:51 PM
"We now confirm you, the republican candidate, to whatever position you were appointed to."
"If we confirm him, we'll break the clothing barrier, once and for all!"
"You are the Jackie Robinson of suits."
Posted by: Harry | January 30, 2006 3:52 PM
Sir, put your body back on or I'm holding you for contempt of court!
Posted by: Daniel | January 30, 2006 5:13 PM
"Yes mister prosecutor, we get it, your desk microphone does indeed resemble a penis. Now will you please put your clothes back on?"
Posted by: Patrick Broderick | January 30, 2006 5:37 PM
You continue to be evasive in your responses to our questions. Nonetheless, the fact that you have opted to finish this portion of the questioning while doing jumping-jacks in the nude tells me all I need to know about your attitude toward preserving our basic personal freedoms.
Posted by: j-ha | January 30, 2006 6:57 PM
While the strides you have made in your invisibility research are quite impressive, you must be troubled by the potential for abuse. And, I'm pretty sure you just tea-bagged me.
Posted by: j-ha | January 30, 2006 7:07 PM
If it's not stealing to suggust a nuance, i would suggest
"cathe clothed"
Posted by: just adding | January 30, 2006 8:02 PM
"Weird things like this have been happening ever since I spurned the advances of Commander Riker."
Posted by: picard | January 30, 2006 8:05 PM
"make yourself at home."
Posted by: Lisa | January 30, 2006 8:08 PM
How dare you scribble "Gohan Wilson" on the Senate's podium!
You have nerve and balls to sit before this committee with neither nerves nor balls.
According to the Kinsey Report: Mr. Pants, for romance, is not.
Posted by: Arthur | January 30, 2006 8:54 PM
Would it kill you to clean up the place a little?
Posted by: Matt | January 30, 2006 10:13 PM
dibs on the suit
Posted by: pukebot | January 30, 2006 11:16 PM
judge alito, i wonder if *that* will change your opinions about strip searches or sodomy.
Posted by: pukebot | January 30, 2006 11:31 PM
"I will now yield the floor to the Senator from Massachusetts, who can perhaps explain to the rest of this committee why, when struck down, Mr. Kenobi has disappeared, while on previous occasions other Jedi Knights have remained corporeal in death."
Posted by: michael | January 30, 2006 11:32 PM
i have, in my hands, a written statement from the suit and it would like to state, under oath, that there were no oil company executives at the vice president cheney's energy task force.
Posted by: pukebot | January 30, 2006 11:54 PM
"If council would allow it, I'd like to undress the chair."
Posted by: J | January 31, 2006 1:23 AM
"Well, Mr. Alito, I think I speak for the entire republican party when I say that you obviously have a good head on your shoulders."
Posted by: Alex | January 31, 2006 9:31 AM
"I'm just going to keep talking to the suit and ignore the naked guy being tackled by the bailiff."
"What a fascinating visual illustration of the proverbial 'empty suit'!"
"As chairman of this committee, I must remind you that we don't usually investigate articles of clothing unless they've got cum stains on them."
Posted by: Palaverist | January 31, 2006 11:32 AM
"Okay, I've still got my eyes closed. Can I open them yet? Hello? Well, just tell me when."
Posted by: Francis | January 31, 2006 5:15 PM
"I move that we strike both the question, 'What are you going to do now that you've been confirmed as a Supreme Court Justice?' and the answer 'I'm gonna streak all the way to the Lincoln Memorial' from the record. Agreed?"
Posted by: Vance | January 31, 2006 5:42 PM
"I will now yield to questioning from the esteemed colleague at my right -- Billie Jean King, circa 1977."
Posted by: The Confidence Man | January 31, 2006 6:32 PM
"Answer my question, dammit!"
Posted by: anon | January 31, 2006 7:52 PM
- Shall we move to confirm the appointment?
- SUITS me!
Posted by: Simon H | February 1, 2006 5:45 AM
It appears the nominee got loved up by those sirens in "O' Brother, Where Art Thou."
Posted by: Jason | February 1, 2006 11:21 AM
(whispering) Does he know that streaking is a Federal offense?
Posted by: copyranter | February 1, 2006 12:51 PM
(sighs) Why is there, what appears to be, a businessman's outfit in the chair before us?
Posted by: copyranter | February 1, 2006 12:54 PM
Great, my dry cleaning is finally here. Just leave it all right there in that chair.
Posted by: MattyI | February 1, 2006 1:45 PM
Oh MAN do I have to take a dump. Can we call a recess? I don't think I can hold it any longer. Seriously, I'm turtleheadding here.
Posted by: MattyI | February 1, 2006 1:48 PM
"Doctor Shrinker, is it true that you wear your wristwatch on your right hand even though you are not left-handed, in an attempt to seem more sinister, hoping that people will know that 'sinister' is derived from a Latin word meaning 'left-handed'? Oh, for fuck's sake, he's gone and shrunk again."
Posted by: Francis | February 1, 2006 3:12 PM
The microphone is NOT a penis!
Posted by: tito | February 1, 2006 3:32 PM
If the suit don't fit, we must acquit.
Posted by: Amy | February 1, 2006 3:52 PM
"OK, I'm gonna close my eyes and count to ten, and when I open them again, that pile of clothes had damn well better be gone."
Posted by: Vance | February 1, 2006 5:30 PM
Let the record show that the clothes have no emperor.
Posted by: Amy | February 1, 2006 5:35 PM
"Vestis virum reddit, eh? What are you, some Latin derelict?"
Posted by: danny | February 1, 2006 8:15 PM
Said by the eagle on top of the flag:
"I'm gay."
Posted by: wendy | February 1, 2006 8:42 PM
"'Poof'? Did you say 'poof'?"
Posted by: wasoe | February 2, 2006 9:08 AM
It's my dry-cleaning.
Posted by: Halfmad | February 2, 2006 10:07 AM
"This gig sucks more than Ted Kennedy at the end of a bottle of gin. Oh, wait, thats me. Nevermind that last comment."
Posted by: sir bogus | February 2, 2006 11:34 AM
"This gig sucks more than Ted Kennedy at the end of a bottle of gin. Oh, wait, thats me. Nevermind that last comment."
Posted by: sir bogus | February 2, 2006 11:34 AM
"See that little table down there? The one with the unplugged microphone on it? We put them there, along with a wrinkled suit draped against a chair, to make a visual joke illustrating the pointlessness of most Senate confirmation hearings!"
Posted by: TLaemmle | February 2, 2006 3:11 PM
Who farted?
Posted by: Shabbadoo Swenson | February 2, 2006 6:49 PM
Who farted?
Posted by: Shabbadoo Swenson | February 2, 2006 6:53 PM
Holy crap, shabbadoo! You win!
Posted by: Carmine Branagh | February 2, 2006 6:56 PM
Da. Shabbadoo wins. We Feenished.
Posted by: Oksana Slonimsky | February 2, 2006 6:59 PM
"Shut up, Senator! Everyone knows that his tie is a clip on."
Posted by: Tie-on | February 2, 2006 7:44 PM
"No, no, no! We need robes! Robes, I tell you! Is that so hard to understand? How can we be taken seriously without robes? We might as well be characters in a cartoon. A cartoon with a lousy caption, mind you."
Posted by: David | February 3, 2006 12:05 AM
Dammit, Mr. Spock, I said phasers on "stun".
Posted by: Jason | February 3, 2006 9:15 AM
"Dibs on the Rolex."
Posted by: Walt | February 3, 2006 8:07 PM
"Remember, in the TV broadcast these blank panels on the front of our bench will be filled with ads."
Posted by: Walt | February 3, 2006 8:14 PM
Probably the reason he did this is because he got here real early, well dressed, and while sitting and waiting for us, he decided to go somewhere in the nude. I'd like that entered into the record.
Posted by: ben | February 4, 2006 12:54 PM
Is this supposed to psych me out or something?
Posted by: ben | February 4, 2006 12:58 PM
If anyone is wondering, I saw the nominee washing his underwear and socks in the restroom sink. I think I speak for the entire panel and on behalf of the American people when I say he continues to surprise us in the most delightful ways.
Posted by: ben | February 4, 2006 1:02 PM
Nobody panic--I've been here before. I'll find the nominee through psychic channels and let his spirit speak through me. So Floyd, go ahead and ask me a question. Let's do this!
Posted by: ben | February 4, 2006 1:06 PM
When I said your point was immaterial, I wasn't suggesting you should dematerialize. Or did you turn yourself into a pile of clothes in an effort to become "material"? In either case, you misunderstood me.
Posted by: Rubrick | February 5, 2006 4:37 AM
"So you're telling me that a person can spontaneously combust but their anus cant be a miniature black hole? Well how else would you explain this?"
Posted by: sir bogus | February 5, 2006 6:43 PM
"Well sir, you have proved about as elusive as our underwater ally, Nessie."
Posted by: sir bogus | February 5, 2006 8:20 PM
_Seven_ years? Damn, I could do that on my head. Bring it on, Jesus!
Posted by: TG Gibbon | February 6, 2006 11:42 AM
"Thank you Mom and thank you Dad for your patience, and for being here with me. I know I can do this. I know I can, and this time without freezing up and pissing myself! Okay, yes remove the prop clothing and bring in a real person! Here goes!"
Posted by: robbo | May 18, 2006 11:58 PM
"Who farted?"
"Target practice!!"
"Ok! No more disguised vodka in the water jugs!"
Posted by: rattz | April 2, 2008 9:55 PM