Radosh.net

"I represent the owner of this farm. Do you have a permit to film here?"

"Excuse me! A couple of little wizard looking dudes are staring at me. Could you do me a favor and knock their fucking heads off?"

"Excuse me, could you give me directions to the cartoon I'm supposed to be in?"

"Can I get a ride?"

"Can I get a ride, asshole?"

"Attila, I'm your father!"

"Just one more thing: Did Dr. Ebers usually have coffee just before going to bed or was that just because he was expecting you?"

Vile Peasant #1: I like it when people stop for hitchhikers. Really makes you feel like there's still a germ of good in man.
Vile Peasant #2: Also it means someone else is going to be mercilessly beaten tonight.
VP #1: [Wistful] Yeah.

And the predicted real world winner: Wait! We need to exchange insurance!

Excuse me, sir, but this enormous restaurant has a dress code, of which you are in violation.

"You called for somebody to pimp your ride?"

"It is not only that my suit does not match what you are all wearing, but that it is from another era and therefore so am I."

"Smell my finger."

"What's in your wallet?"

"Hey asshole! Do you have a warrant?"

"Hey! Come back here, you Molly Hatchet-looking motherfucker!"

"Straight up now tell me do you really wanna love me forever? (Oh Oh Oh)...Or am I caught in a hit and run?"

"Yeah, this horse looks a little off behind. Bring back over here. I need to do some flexion tests..."

As your attorney, I'd suggest that you leave the raping and pillaging to me.

I assume you are going into battle, in which case you will need life insurance for when you inevitably die.

Do you know the way to San Jose?

"Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior?"

Mom? Is that you?

I have haemorroids.

I can point! Can you point? I can. Look, I'm pointing! I'm pointing! You have a horse!

"Is it really you, Mr. Salinger? It's a good thing I finally found you! I represent the Nobel committee."
"Now, Mr. President: you know you were supposed to return that call to FEMA...."
"Sir! I represent the producers of 'Queer Eye for the Straight Guy....'"
"Don't you dare light that cigarette."
"Could I borrow your cell phone?"
"Honestly, can't the Raiders game wait? It would truly be negligent to leave your loved ones in need should you pass...."

"Sup of this booger, Throg; let it nourish thee in thy foul savagery. Gah! My beloved!"

"I have stepped in your horse's excrement. Get it? 'Stepped?' Christ, I'm dying out here."
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"Wait! You paid for a 'happy ending'!"
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"Actually, recent archaeological work points to horned helmets being more likely used for ceremonial rather than combative purposes, although it is thought that the ancient Thracians may have worn such headgear into battle."
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"Which way to your mother's house?"

"Wait, you promised me some smegma to take back to the lab."

"Say, that recipe for ass liniment...let me patent that for you."

"My name is William Shawn! I am from the future but have been reincarnated in your time! Attend my tale:

In my age, I was a very powerful and widely respected man. A man no doubt like yourself, of strong character and firm beliefs. One day, a cruel young upstart-- swelling with pride and jealous of my rank--wrote an outrageous and baseless ad hominem attack against me. (This young man's name was "Mr. Wolfe" and he was indeed not unlike that most rash and ravenous of beasts!) What would you have done in my position? This lying youth defamed my character and by extension the character of all who respected me and payed me obeisance. By the look in your eyes I know your answer: You would kill such a man. But, friend, had I committed that just act, the fathers of my town would have stripped me of my rank and thrown me into prison! For such was the unjust nature of my time: I had no recourse with the sword and died without avenging Mr. Wolfe.

Gentle sir, in the cottage to my right there lives a wizard. A wise old sorcerer among whose many potions is a drink that may allow a man to move through time. I see the doubt in your expression, yet these wizards are wondrous men and he assures me that the potion works. (I bought it for a pretty free, I'll tell thee.) I ask but this. Drink the elixir with me and let us ride through time and to my former life in centuries hence. Then let us find the savage "Wolfe" and slay him and just as quick return to where we stand. For this I'll give thee gold. What say you?"

"Excuse me, I hate to bother you, but you see our car broke down the street there, and my child ... my child has this disease. And we're supposed to be going to the Mayo Clinic and he's not looking so hot ... so I was hoping, maybe you could spare some change to -- oh, thank you sir. Thank you. My child thanks you. My wife thanks you."

Good day sir, my name is Frank Frazetta. Ever do any modeling?

How much would it cost to kill my wife?

"These Renaisance Faires haven't been the same since the lawsuit."

"They took away his company car."

There are several of these straw houses on this road.

Not a caption:

SHIT!!! It's not the suit guy who's talking, it's the little guy on the left in the background!

Those New Yorker fools provided a low-res picture that makes it almost impossible to see that!

AAAAAARGH HULK MUST SMASH NEW YORKER!!!!!

Also not a caption:

Actually if you click through you'll see that there is a hi-res image on the NYer site, I just didn't want to post something that big. Also, I think you could make a case that either person is talking. Or maybe they're both talking at once, like in an Altman movie. The New Yorker loves you and wants to give you options.

"WAIT! OK, OK, OK, you win. Don't leave. We'll raise the child visigoth."

Oh, well, if it's the guy in the back talking...

"This road sure is busy today."

"Is the guy on the horse a Hun? I forget what Huns look like."

"That dude is cruisin' for a skull-crushin'."

"Is our hut on fire? I think our hut is on fire. Quick, tell the guy in the suit and the other guy in the helmet to go get some water."

Excuse me, do you work for Halliburton?

I represent the estate of J.R.R. Tolkein...

Come back! You forgot to rape and pillage ME!!!

No no no, you misunderstood me - I want to suck your horse's penis. My mistake.

"That lawyer looks like he's been PhotoShopped out of an elevator cartoon."

"Hm. Lawyers following Huns. I smell a trend article in the offing."

"Boy, Landesman will follow up on even the most untrustworthy-source lead, won't he?'

"Judy Miller warned us about this."

Wi2ard1: "Spell of binding arbitration"!? Never heard of it.
ArcMageBoy: By my pointed hat I swear, it's totally in there.
Wi2ard1: Kewl! So OK, roll 2D10 against the visigoth's illiteracy...

No avian flu 'jokes' yet? This is an outrage!

"The birds checked out healthy, sir, but I'm also going to have to test your horse."

"I'm sorry, but there's a piece of food in your beard and... are you gonna eat that?"

"And if you could also pick up a bottle of milk and some tomatoes, thanks. And some apple sauce."

I don't say anything, you have to read me.

Goddamnit, this is going to fuck up your custody petition. I've been busting my balls for months trying to convince the judge you aren't crazy and now this? Why do I even fucking bother?

Just like ancient Mongolian proverb say: first come the Huns, then come the lawyers, then come the anonymous smart-ass online comments.

sieg heil!

wait for me!

"Excuse me, I think your horse dropped something. Or was it you, you smelly fuck?"

"Hagar the Horrible? Or are you his lesser-known brother, Frank Stallone the Horrible?"

"Check it out, we have the same nose."

"I must say, that helmet makes you look horny."

"Yo, yo, yo... s'up? You need smoke, rock, ex?"

"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, MISTER!"

"Thank God (the christian, of course), a man of ambition at last!"

"Impossible ! Impossible ! 'Oh, give me a home...' 's against character !...... Rewind, boys !"