The New Yorker Cartoon Anti-Caption Contest #27
For the results of last week's contest click here and scroll down. And now, anti-caption contest #27 (using the New Yorker's numbering system). Submit your abominable captions in the comments.
My starter suggestions:
"Hey, there's a parrot on your shoulder."
"I told you carving 'Dd' in the corner of the conference table was a bad idea."
"Do you like seafood? See... food!"
Update: Results after the jump
"His parrot died over the weekend. I feel kind of bad for him, because his wife died last year." mykull
"My heart says 'No' but my parrot says 'Yes'." spinachdip
"I like tables! And parrots! I like guys in suits! I can put my fist in my mouth! I'm retarded! (Gunshot sound.)" wendy
I'm still sorting out exactly what my criteria are for winning entries. Not that it should influence your submissions, but at least you'll know how I reach my totally meaningless decision each week. For starters, the winner and finalists have to make me laugh, but they're not necessarily the ones that make me laugh hardest. The edge is given to captions that: are not just generically bad, but aggressively misguided (see mykull, above); sound like they could be New Yorker cartoon captions, but are desparately unfunny and/or don't make sense (see spinachdip); sound as little like New Yorker cartoon captions as possible and/or include sound effects (see wendy).
What doesn't win? One popular strategy is to write a caption that willfully ignores the most important features of the illustration. I get it, but I tend to think that's just a little too easy. Still, the following submissions were all very close contenders:
"Jesus Christ, Higgins, that's the stupidest idea I've ever heard. Where'd you get your MBA? Loyola?" TG Gibbon
"So she was all gettin' up in my face, and so I was like 'screw you bitch, if he's with you then why is he buying me a ice cream? Why don't you take your child support checks and go buy something that doesn't make you look like a fruit stand exploded.' How was *your* weekend?" jamie
"Gary, get your fucking hand off my cock." spanner
And once again, there's the too authentically funny captions. I guarantee this one will be better than whatever wins the real contest:
"I also thought he meant 'Bring a Parrot' literally." gadi
Crackers, requests for
in coffee mug
in response to word "paradigm"
Shaking, indication of by lines around figures
Homosexuality, gratuitous references to
while avoiding any mention of parrots
large size of
Past New Yorker cartoons, allusions to
Penises, parrots as metaphors for
parrots as companions of
capitalists as equivalents of
Yes men, parrots as metaphors for