Of course, all my best material was on Tom and Penelope
How did Johnny Depp and Leonardo Di Caprio get snapped up by no-name hotties? Who is the former playmate that stole David Schwimmer’s heart? What’s life like off the court for Mandy and Andy, and Anna and Enrique?
Who the fuck knows?
But if you're asking the wrong person, at least you're not doing so while taping my answers for broadcast. The honor of that mistake goes to VH1, which selected me to be a talking head on its latest clip fiesta, Hot Couples 2004, debuting Wednesday at 11. Tune in to see me fake my way through a discussion of celebrity coupledom, attempting to hide my ignorance behind lame jokes.
Oh well. I've still got my VH1 day job.
Remember, because this is VH1, the show will air only once, after which the tape will be permanently erased to ensure that people never become sick of it.