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August 27, 2003

You know some Jewish lawyer's gonna get it thrown out on a technicality.

Daniel Radosh

This would be funny if it weren't... Oh, hell, it's just funny. Egyptian Jurists to Sue 'The Jews' for Compensation for 'Trillions' of Tons of Gold Allegedly Stolen During Exodus from Egypt.

"... Since the Jews make various demands of the Arabs and the world, and claim rights that they base on historical and religious sources, a group of Egyptians in Switzerland has opened the case of the so-called 'great exodus of the Jews from Pharaonic Egypt.' At that time, they stole from the Pharaonic Egyptians gold, jewelry, cooking utensils, silver ornaments, clothing, and more, leaving Egypt in the middle of the night with all this wealth, which today is priceless."

The suggestion that the Jews looted during the Exodus made for lively debate at Passover last spring, given the timing, but I certainly wouldn't want to build a court case around such ambiguous evidence.

This interview with Dr. Nabil Hilmi about what he calls "the greatest collective fraud history has ever known" (suck it, Enron!) is a masterpiece of antisemitism that makes Mel Gibson look like a pisher (at least until he tries to sue the Jews for wrongful death).

"A police investigation revealed that Moses and Aaron, peace be upon them, understood that it was impossible to live in Egypt, despite its pleasures and even though the Egyptians included them in every activity, due to the Jews' perverse nature, to which the Egyptians had reconciled themselves, though with obvious unwillingness. Therefore, an order was issued by the Jewish rabbis to flee the country, and that the exodus should be secret and under cover of darkness and with the largest possible amount of loot. The code word was 'At midnight.' In addition, the Jewish women were told to steal the gold and cooking utensils of the Egyptian women, and that is what happened."

After pausing a moment to savor that bit about a police investigation, let's move on to this rather blithe dismissal of legend's most notorious enslavement. Thank you, Pharaoh, for generously including us in every activity, too bad the whole slaying of our sons thing makes it impossible to live here, despite its pleasures.

Then you have to wonder if these guys can't even get decent paralegals, who might be able to tell them that it's unlikely "the Jewish rabbis" gave any orders about anything, since the idea of "rabbi" wouldn't even begin to develop until the Talmudic era. (One might also point out that the use of the word "Jews" is somewhat anachronistic too. Really, who's preparing this brief?) Meanwhile, I'm not sure where the cooking utensil thing comes in. It seems to be an iffy interpretation of a rare translation of a word more commonly rendered as articles or things (Fox goes with "objects." The always lovely and usually wrong King James has it as "jewels"). Yet these bozos have managed to latch onto the mistranslation and spin an elaborate theory around it:

"Taking posession of the gold was understandable. This is clear theft of a host country's resources and treasure, something that fits the morals and character of the Jews. Yet what was not clear to the Egyptian women were the reasons for stealing the cooking utensils, when other things may have been of greater value. However, one of the Egyptian priets said that this had been the Jews' twisted way throughout history; they seek to cause a minor problem connected with the needs of everyday life so as to occupy people with these matters and prevent them from pursuing them to get back the stolen gold."

Finally, let's get down to the brass tacks. How much do we owe the Egyptians (before we turn around and countersue for back pay for building the pyramids?)

"If we assume that the weight of what was stolen was one ton [its worth] doubled every 20 years, even if the annual interest is only 5%. In one ton of gold is 700 kg of pure gold and we must remember that what was stolen was jewelry, that is, alloyed with copper. Hence, after 1,000 years, it would be worth 1,125,898,240 million tons, which equals 1,125,898 billion tons for 1,000 years. In other words, 1,125 trillion tons of gold, that is, a million multiplied by a million tons of gold. This is for one stolen ton. The stolen gold is estimated at 300 tons, and it was not stolen for 1,000 years, but for 5,758 years, by the Jewish reckoning. Therefore, the debt is very large.

All that math and he ends up with "very large"?! Don't try to get away with that on the SAT, buddy. Is it worth mentioning that this 300 ton estimate is pulled out of his ass? No, because it's time to move on to the punchline. Ready?

"There may be a compromise solution. The debt can be rescheduled over 1,000 years, with the addition of the cumulative interest during that period."

So there you have it, he's fair and balanced after all.

Good thing there's nothing in the Bible where Jews, or other people, or, say, an omnipotent deity, does anything actually violent, or we'd never get out of court.

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