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January 13, 2004

Shortest flame war evs.

Daniel Radosh

The way I figure it, Uncle Grambo over at Whatevs was only feigning offense for comic effect with his response to my offhand suggestion that he might be nominated for "most goofy patois." Surely it should have been clear from context that this was more compliment than insult. As I suspect Grambo knows, his nutty argot stands firmly in a proud lineage. Sure it would be tedious to read day after day if Whatevs didn't also have the goods to back it up, but day after day, Whatevs does.

Yesterday, for instance, Grambo called our attention to the new one-sheet for Eurotrip, the no doubt god-awful sequel of sorts to the unbearable Road Trip (I have a much lower threshold for trash movies than he does). In particular, his curiosity was aroused by, in his wacky vernacularism, the poster's "full-on TrachtenHottness," and, more precisely, "so much cleavs."

I hate to be the barer of bad news, but anyone who goes to see this movie hoping to see mountains of Dawn is going to be in for a disappointment. One way or another, the picture is clearly faked. Michelle Trachtenberg is a lovely young woman, to be sure, but her TrachtenTitties are far more humble than this illustration would have you believe, as you can see in this actual still from Eurotrip.

I suppose it's possible that the image is technically real, in that MT is obviously pushing everything together and could be getting a Wonder Bra boost. But since she doesn't spend the entire film posed that way, that's hardly relevant (fans of less busty, too skinny Michelle may still want to buy a ticket). And in fact my best guess is that the poster has simply been artistically amplified precisely to catch the attention of Uncle Grambo and his pals in the theater lobby, an entirely common practice.

But the best evidence that Michelle is not so stacked is that Joss would have shown her off more if she was. I know, I know, he intentionally downplayed her sexuality so that viewers would relate to her the way Buffy did, as little sister, but if she was really so built, he would not have been able to resist. I mean, we're talking about a man who once said, "the imagination is sexier than anything (with the possible exception of womanboobies)."

Boobage aside, I always thought Dawn was a missed opportunity, and one reason for my case that the show jumped after season 3. Not that there weren't some swell storylines and blazing episodes after that (Fool for Love, Once More With Feeling, The Body) but go back and watch the S2 & S3 DVDs and the consistently higher quality is immediately evident. More than any one character added or subtracted, or plot pursued or left dangling, the big problem was simply Joss's withdrawal (though that did give us two amazing seasons of Angel, since floundering again, sadly, and, of course, Firefly, so it was probably for the best).

Um, yeah, so now that I think about it, this post would have been a lot less boring if it were written in outrageous parlance. Obvs.

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